Update on "what to do with the presents"

[lorihart]

Hi Ladies,
Thanks to those who responded to my resent question about my friends that I have sort of drifted away from (b/c they are a source of bad energy)and what I was suppose to do with their presents.
One more update and I will SHUT UP! This one takes the cake!
Needless to say,I didn't take your advice (which is weird for me b/c I was leaning towards just not bringing them to their house).I was thinkingabout it last week and I didn't want the presents myself,I couldn't return them and I sort of wanted to hold on to them just in case they brought something to my house.Its all about being prepared.When I started thinking about it again,I sort of wished that they had called me and made up some excuse why we weren't exchanging, one just built a new house and the other is on maternity leave.Good reasons not to exchange,if you ask me.It didn't bother me but I wish someone had informed me before I purchased gifts for them and the 3 kids.
So I thought....I bought these gifts for them....and I will give them to them.Not b/c I wanted to make them feel uncomfortable but b/c I bought these presents with these girls in mind and I didn't want them.I was hoping to drop them off at their houses and for their husbands to be home and I didn't have to make them feel uncomfortable.
I go to one house and shes not there.I leave them on the step.Prefect.
I go to the next house and the van of the other girl is in her driveway.Crap, now I have twoof them in the same room!
When I get out of the car,her mom is comming out of the house and she says..."perfect timing,the girls are just exchanging gifts BUT the babies are all asleep". Not so perfect timing!
I venture into the new house.I have never been in it before so I don't know where anything is.I look in around the corner and I say"helloooooo" No one answers. I don't take my boots off but I creep in around b/c Idon't have a clue what I am looking for.I can see one girl from this view and she says "come on in" and I say ,"oh, I am just on my way out of town and I am dropping off presents".No one says anything. And no one gets up.Very rude, I thought.When I start going in I can see that one girls eyes just going back to normal.She obviously did the big eyes and the OH my God!
It was the most uncomfortable feeling ever! The girl who owns the new house never showed me around it,she never asked if I wanted a cup of coffee when she asked the other 2 girls.You could feel the tension in the air.She barely spoke to me and this is the girl who could talk you blind.They were both saying..."our gift is in the babys room but the baby is alseep, do you want me to get it".I say "no thats o.k" Then they made a date to exchange gifts on the 27th.Im thinking don't do me any favors.
I hung out for about 20 min.It didn't get any more comfortable and I can't beleive I caught them when they were exchanging presents.Of all the times for me to blow into someones house, it had to be then.
Anyway,i can only imagine what they were saying when I left.No one showed me out when I left either.
I felt a mixture of emotions.Ifelt sad b/c I knew that they were talking about me when I left.I know what these girls are like.I hung out with them for 2 years.I don't think I felt left out.These girls could be great friends if they weren't consumed with the scale,diets and talking about everyone.And they do have great qualities.
I don't feel like exchanging with them on Mon.And I am not going to.I will see them both tonight and maybe I will tell them then how I felt about the situation.If not, I will tell one of them on the phone.I am just going to say,"I know we have drifted apart over the last couple of monthes,but I had these presents at my house for a while and I wanted to drop them off.I didn't mean to make anyone feel uncomfy and I could feel the tension in the room.And I also think you guys probably had the big chat about me after I left"
Everyone was silent,no one was hospitable,you could tell by the body language.
In my opinion,I think I have offically ditched these people for good.Its 5 less gifts I have to buy next year.
But I have to admit that I am the one who is probably hurt among all of this.I am not sure why,probably b/c I hate to know that people are talking about it.I don't want this to make us enemies but I think when I tell them how I truly feel they may get defensive.
I can't sit with them tomorrow night and open presents.Its just to fake...fake is the word I am looking for.Everyone is being fake....
anyway,I just felt the need to talk about it.
Lori

 

[CathydsRNA]

RE: Update on

I would just drop it. These girls are not your friends. Don't try to to weave yourself back into a friendship that doesn't exist and don't show up on the suppossed gift exchange date. No phone calls, just walk away.

 

[val01]

RE: Update on

Hi Lori,

I totally agree with the "just walk away" advice that was given to you. I would take the gifts and give them to a homeless shelter. They could be put to good use. And, I am sure that the recipients would be very thankful.

Valerie

 

[Connie1]

RE: Update on

Hey Lori,

I would do what the other posters said. I would let them know (if they call) that "something came up" on the 27th and you can't make it. Then say "Let's get together soon," the way people do when they don't mean it.

Make sure there is no sarcasm at all in your voice and it sounds like you really mean to get together soon; simply never allow a date to be pinned down. This will allow both them and you to save face. It will also rob them of much material to discuss later when you are not present.

This will also allow you to get in the mood of not really dwelling on them and their business. When you start acting the part it convinces you too. And it will make them *and* you know that you have a life apart from them.

Just a suggestion, take it or leave it!

Fondly,

Connie

 

[smoogy]

RE: Update on

Lori, I can tell you are hurt, sweetie. Just let it go. You know I worked & hung out with a couple of girls for like 7 years. Anyway, we all got married, moved away whatever. Well, during the summer I met up with them in Houston (I live in Dallas) & we all had a great time. Well, one of them moved back from NJ to Arlington which is like 40" minutes away from me. The other still lives in Houston. But anyway, she said when we get back to Dallas lets go try such and such place, and something like I forgot how fun you are. Well, needless to say, that was many months ago. In fact, the worst part about it was, she called me about three months ago to ask if I knew where a certain restaurant was located exactly, "cause she was lost(right down the street from me.) What? She forgot to invite me? It was a German restaurant. I'm pretty certain it wasn't a romantic dinner. But hey, I'm starting to sound bitter.

Lori, It's not worth it, I think. People change & move on.

Sad & lonely in Plano,
Marla:-(

 

[kathryn]

RE: Update on

I agree with the other posters: just drop it.
Give the presents to a needy family, a church group, or some other charity, or keep them yourself.
It sounds like your relationship with these two has gone from "friendship" to "acquaintanceship." They don't want much to do with you, aside from a very casual relationship, so why push it? It doesn't sound like you really like them that much anyway. Maybe you're just stuck in the idea of what your relationship used to be. Move on.

 

[lorihart]

RE: Update on

Thanks for the advice.The presents have already been given to the girls so I can't give them to a needy family.
I can't totally drop them b/c our DH's are friends but they don't spend alot of time together.
One of them just called me and invited us over tonight for drinks but I told them I already have plans and I will see them later.
I agree,we have just become acquaintances and that is just fine with me.I have lots of other real friends
Lori

 

[Pellmel]

RE: Update on

What is it with girlfriends - when it gets messed up it is fifty times worse and more messed up than when I was dating men!

I feel badly for you with your friends, but I hope that you can celebrate the good times that you had together and move on. Then when you see them, it might be more positive.

I am going through a similiar thing with a very good girlfriend of mine. We are working on a volunteer project together and she ran it last year. This year I am running it and she is not only upset that it is going better, she has become competitive and at times very mean. We finally talked about it, but she spent so much time and energy being mean to me that I am afraid to be her friend again and get my feelings hurt.

Anyway - when something goes haywire with a girlfriend, I always feel like I am the only one who has this kind of thing happen. I get a little wary of my other friends, too. If it helps, you aren't alone!
Melissa

 

[lorihart]

RE: Update on

Thanks.I started hanging out with these girls when all of my "true" friends moved away.The friends that didn't care what you wore or how you looked.And they didn't talk about you behind your back either.I have since then made some newer friends that are more genuine and are less competitive.
Last night went o.k.They talked to me and I put a smile on my face but I kept my distance and showed them how much fun I could have with out them.I mingled and laughed.They mentioned getting together and exchanging gifts but I haven't heard from them today ,which is fine by me.I think they will just end up dropping something off at my house and we will never get together.I hope me not calling them shows how much I don't care about getting together tonight.
They are very highschoolish.They were whispering when people came into the room or just eyeing people.And people noticed b/c they were talking about the two of them.I am glad that I was not involved in that and I wasn't labeled like the two of them.
The town that I live in is very clickish.Everyone knows everyone and they talk about everyone.If there is nothing to talk about then they will make something up.Sometimes I wish I lived in a city.But I keep a low profile and I mind my own business.I don't care really.
Thanks again,
Lori