Turning down a guy "politely"

Timber99

Timber99

Cathlete
How do you ladies turn down a nice guy (that is reasonably just trying to take you out) politely in a business setting?

I have had several men lately (it's an epidemic) call, leave a message or email me to go out to lunch or dinner or drinks. My contact information is accesable to these folks b/c of the nature of my profession (attorney). That being said, I am pretty sure they aren't talking about grabbing a sandwich at the deli across from the courthouse & discussing legal theory! ;)

I want to be nice and not burn any bridges (this is key), but sometimes I feel stuck on what to say or how to do it. Then the other day it came out way wrong and I sounded almost as if to say "you think I'd go out with you!?" but I didn't mean it that way AT ALL!
 
RE: Turning down a guy

>Why not go on a few lunch dates or grab a drink? Could be a
>lot of fun! Why don't you want to go?

I forgot to mention that I am in a commmitted relationship. :)
 
RE: Turning down a guy

The easiest, and best line I've ever known is, "Sorry, I don't hang out after work with people I work with!"...I've learned the HARD way to never mix business and pleasure!!!

MJ

Edited to add: If you're in a committed relationship, tell them!! They have no need to persue anything after you say that!!
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Easy! Tell them you are in a committed relationship. You do not want to send them any mixed signals and you certainly wish to respect the feelings of your significant other.
 
RE: Turning down a guy

>Easy! Tell them you are in a committed relationship. You do
>not want to send them any mixed signals and you certainly wish
>to respect the feelings of your significant other.
>Why not go on a few lunch dates or grab a drink? Could be a
>lot of fun! Why don't you want to go?

I forgot to mention that I am in a commmitted relationship. :)

The *weird* feeling I get about this is that when I have ever said "I am in a long term relationship," etc., the person then swears that they weren't asking me out, there is an akwardness, etc. Perhaps I am making a mountain out of a mole hill but I just can't seem to find a comfortable answer.
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Definetly do it in a way they can save face.

I actually had a similar situation... I was interested in a guy... not sure if he was still married. He was no longer wearing the ring.. things just weren't fitting together - like why the wife wasn't at events where you would think she'd be... when we talked he never mentioned "my wife" or not.

Anyhow... I finally got my nerve up to say let's do coffee sometime. If he had said "I'm still married" I would feel like a jerk and say.. o no you misread it.. I just wanted to be friends.

If he said thanks but I really don't socialize with folks I work with - then there would be an easy out and I wouldn't feel like a jerk. It would be great if the next time we talked he dropped "my wife....".

In case you wonder, he is going through a divorce, however, I am starting to get close with another guy so at this point, don't want to have the coffee with him. Today we left it we can check for coffee in a month or so. Timing is everything!
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Smile very sweetly (blush if possible) and tell them I'm flattered, but I don't think my husband would like that! But nicely- I run into this problem on occasion at conferences for my discipline. It's critical that I not offend anyone, too!

L
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Well, Christine, before I met my DH 9 years ago, I would have gone out with every one of them. I was actively seeking Mr. Right. The best part is that these guys KNOW that you're an attorney and they still want to date you. That automatically makes them part of a small, select group of great guys. Most guys would head for the hills the moment I mentioned that I was an attorney. So, unless you're not interested in men, why not date them?
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Oh, okay, I just read the part about you being in a committed relationship. That is difficult. There is something about saying "no", no matter how good the reason, that makes things awkward afterwards. The best way to deal with this is to head it off at the past by mentioning your "significant other" from time to time. Then everyone knows and they don't even ask.

Oh, and stop being such a hot babe. :+ :+

-Nancy
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Christine,

What's wrong with, "No thank you!". Why do you feel you have to explain yourself? You don't, you know :).
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Christine, you have your answer! A committed relationship gets you out of any and all requirements to have "lunch or a drink" with anyone.
 
RE: Turning down a guy

Okay I am an attorney also and this never happens to me (mental note to kick my workouts up a notch or just generally start being nicer to the people I work with ;-)). Anyway I agree with what was said here mention the long term relationship but in a way that allows them to save face like saying, "I know I am being crazy but I just wanted to make sure this was a business thing because I am in a relationship and I don't want to have any awkward situations." Then just laugh. Gives them the opportunity to laugh also and save face.

KIM
 
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