Touchy Subject?(long)

L

lorihart

Cathlete
I thought that this would be a good topic to bring up.
There are 2 types of people in this world.There are the people who exercise and love it, and there are the people who have tried exercising and hate it.THIS IS JUST MY OPINION....it seems like the people who hate exercise,also hate the people who do it.(I don't mean hate but I have had people screw up their mouthes at me before and I also got into a very big fight with someone who thought I was obsessed with it)
Last night we went to the cabin.There were 3 couples and 1 couple showed up later for a couple drinks.2 girls workout,2 girls don't.There was me and my running partner.I don't talk about exercise alot b/c I know that they people who don't do it, don't want to talk about it.But why is it such a touchy topic? We all can talk about things that not all of us are interested in but as soon as exercise pops up,eyes roll.
Anyway,I wanted to mention to my running partner about a marathon I was interested in doing and I wanted to see if she was interested.We went to the cabin at 7 and it didn't get brought up until 1:30 in the morning.I didn't want to bring the topic up right away b/c I knew that the other 2 girls would think that this was the topic of the night.I don't normally talk to my running partner unless we are running or I run into her up town somewhere.
One of the girls went to bed and everyone else was sat around the table.The other girl was chatting with the men so I thought perfect.No one is listening to me.I will run it by her now.So I did.We were only 2 minutes in to the conversation when the other girl said..."you guys are talking about running are you".She turned into a cat,the hair stood up on her head and the nails came out.The two of us basically slid down in our chairs,like we were two kids who got caught picking our noses and eating it:) "I don't even want to go there".With that we dropt it and didn't talk about it anymore.Its almost as if she was waiting for someone to bring it up and she was perpared.
I want to know,what was the big deal with that?Why would that piss her off anymore then if we were talking about hair dye or jeans? Why did I feel like I couldn't say what I wanted to say.It was like some big dirty gossip that she wanted no part of.Maybe it is b/c people who don't exercise are sut off form the conversation.They feel like they are on the outside looking in.They can't relate and they have nothing to add.
For some reason,it just seems to me,that people asume that if they are going to be in our(I mean people who workout)company,then we are going to be talking about it all night.I wouldn't of even brought the subject up if it weren't for the marathon.Other then that,I had nothing to say on the matter.
Now,is this just me? Am I the only person in this world who keeps running into people who hate exercise? And I promise you,I do not talk about it.I do what I do and I don't share the facts with anyone.What would I talk about? How much I sweat today?
And I am sure that is isn't all people who don't workout but I found atleast 98% of them.
What do you guys think? Has anyone else gotten the cold shoulder before?
Lori:)
 
all i can say is that maybe those people who don't exercise find some sort of jealousy on their part because its something we're so committed to while they either can't commit to it or they won't. don't let her catty ways get to you. we're doing something good for our health and if its something you want to discuss then by all means do. don't worry about how someone else is going to take it, life's too short for that.

Wuzzy
 
Briefly, I know what you mean as the same thing happens to me. However, it doesn't occur to me to "slide down in my chair, like kids who got caught eating boogers".

If they don't want to hear it, too bad. I don't want to hear about sports, interior decorating, baby poop, buying new shoes or trying dessert recipes, but I am a civilized polite person and sometimes I listen to things I am not interested in.

I would not be apologetic or put up with catty behavior. Just glare right back at people, stand up for yourself. If they don't want to work out, fine. I don't intend to monopolize the conversation, but I won't be made to feel guilty or ashamed either if I need to ask a question or mention exercise in passing.

You should take my class "Withering Looks 101" with the practicum "Smart-ass Replies Lab"
 
Good point Liane. Being polite is always a good option. It baffles me when people react in contradictory ways for no apparent reason. So usually I just igonre them.
Judy
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http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0903/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif
 
Hey where can I sign up for that class please??? LOL!!

I agree!! I have friends who talk about nothing but their physical ailments, but somehow this is considered appropriate to prattle on and on about - LOL!! Very few people I know in real life workout regularly. I've seen estimates that only 3% to 5% of the population of this country engages in some type of regular, vigorous exercise. We are in the minority here, folks!! And we should be PROUD of that!! :)

Lori, I wouldn't put up with behavior like that from people either, and I wouldn't let them intimidate you. These are people who have known you for a while, right? Then they should already know this is an interest you have. If this woman isn't enough of a friend to respect your interests, might I politely ask why you are even hanging out with her? What I mean is, friendship needs to work both ways. You don't both have to share all the same exact interests, but you at least need to have respect for the other's. Does she react this way every time you bring up the subject? It sounds like has a problem with it, to be sure, but she shouldn't be going ballistic on you whenver you bring up the subject. Maybe you could try to talking to her in private about this, and point out that she makes you uncomfortable when she comes at you with her claws out. Let her know this is something you are very interested in, and you will be talking about it from time and time, and she basically has two choices. Deal with it, or don't listen to you. You have as much right to talk about your intestests as others have to talk about theirs.

Just my humble opinions of course ... :) but I hope they help!!

Carol
:)
 
That's so weird I've heard about this before.. and I've never experienced any negative comments about working out... I guess I'm really fortunate...

Perhaps it's because I've got such a wide variety of close friends range for late 20's - mid 50's.. career type.. stay at home mom's... kids.. just starting out frmailies...no kids.. married... divorced... single... guys.. women.. different orientations... most are pretty active.. so i guess with all the different types of folks so many different interests that this has never been an interest.. in fact most folks are extremely supportive... I guess I have very few friends who share many interests... but many friends who share a few things...

howerver, i definitely have my workout friends.. find my young guy friends the best for that and the most motivating;)

maybe time to lose these folks... sure you'll find folks that are supportive about your interests
 
I am convinced it's a combination of jealousy and guilt. I have a girlfriend who walks 2 miles every morning, eats small portions and constantly complains that she can't firm up. Heaven forbid I should mention the "weight" word! She immediately stiffens her back and covers her ears! My other non-exercising friends just leave the room if I bring up Cathe. It doesn't bother me. I'm 40 years old and I wear a bikini! They won't even get into a pool.:p
 
Beleive it or not...I don't know this person that well.Both her and her husband grew up in the same town as my husband.I have only been in her company a couple of times in the last six years.Its just someone I know in passing.
But this is just an example of what I am talking about.If I were going somewhere with people who paint together or take cooking classes,I would never asume that cooking was going to be the conversation tonight.But for some reason,people who don't exercise always think,that the people who do exercise just continously talk about it.Maybe the people with these perceptions have been in someone elses company before and thats all they talk about.We have another friend that works out and makes good money.If she is not talking about working out then she is talking about how she is going to spend her money.Now,even I don't want to hear her go on and on all night long, but thats b/c we KNOW thats what she talks about.But if I didn't know who she was but I knew that she ran,why would I think that she was going to talk about it all day and night?
The arguement that I got into before was at a party about 5 yrs ago.We were at my sister in laws house and one of her friends asked me something about exercising(I don't remember what it was).The other girl was just being ignorant and didn't want to hear about it.Apparently she was a big girl while growing up,lost all of her weight but still thinks she is big.She said something to me about being obsessed with it.I didn't like what she said,I stayed quite but shortly after I left the table and left the house.At that time I was living in the basement.A few minutes later she came down to apologize and I snapped.I told her that that asumption was totally uncalled for.You see me about once a month (if that) how do you know what I do in my free time? I may only workout once a week,how do you know? SHe agreed that I was right,started to cry,took her husband and went home.and we never talked about it after.
Anyway,I totally agree that it is partly a jealously thing.People feel guilty that they can't commit to something that is so important to others.
Lori:)
 
I'm totally with Liane and if she misses a day's class due to illness, I'll be a stand in instructor for her!

Lori, no need to feel ashamed of having interests in this world! Go right ahead and have your private conversations with like-minded people. No-one asked her to butt her nose in did they? Just say, "you can leave anytime now honey......"

Clare
 
Lori,

I know people like this too. I hear more flack about my eating habits though... I guess because more people see me eat than exercise. I don't have many conversations about exercise because (I am sorry to say) NONE of my friends or family exercise.

Most comments don't bother me, but I worked with a lady who said my miscarriage in '02 was because I was "too thin"... it did hurt my feelings. Most of the time when people give me grief, I jokingly say "you are jealous and intimidated by my discipline" or something like that. I have to admit... I can become pretty spunky when IU feel attacked... it is the scorpio in me. ;)

I agree with what has been said... it is jealousy and guilt. The 3-5% of us who exercise are proof that it IS possible to be fit... that blows many popular exscuses (no time, I've had kids, etc.) out of the water. I also agree there is no reason to be apologetic or put up with cattiness.

So, when is registration for "Smart Ass Replies Lab"? :) I'm in. :)

Autumn
 
Here's one of my favorites, "I'd like to be nice, but I'm not." It has been used to get a boring intrusive blabbermouth stranger to shutup on a long plane ride, because otherwise, she would never have shut up and violence would have ensued.

I think in Lori's case I would have said. "If you're not interested in the topic, you can come back later."

or

"Excuse me, but I'm having a conversation with my friend."
 
I agree. I never talk working out to anyone unless I'm asked. And then I keep it short and sweet. They look at me like I'm trying to brag or something.

And some days I just wish I could call someone up and say, "I just did the hardest workout!" and go on about it.

Andrea
 
I wonder what would happen if next time you said, "This topic seems to really upset you, I'd like to understand why?". It's a tactful enough question, shouldn't antagonize the person, and it may be interesting to hear the answer. I bet this question would stop her dead in her tracks. I would venture to guess it's like the others said, something this person would like to do but doesn't have the self discipline to do and is envious of you.

My daughter, who is 28 years old, gives me a hard time but she knows how much I enjoy it so she just teases me. But, it's amazing how many people I work with are on all kinds of medications for blood pressure and arthritis and complain of being tired all the time. I want to go up to them and shake some "exercise sense" into them.
 
I have found that when working out comes up (never by my own doing) it is the men who are proud, impressed, interested, and the women who are demeaning, off-put, and rude about it. Here's the thing though - I love exercise, I do, but when a female friend of mine loses weight, I get jealous. Why? Because I didn't lose weight, that is why. I don't begrudge her the weightloss, but I get catty and upset because of jealousy. Plain and simple.

Funny though, if my husband, brother, or a male co-worker loses weight, I am genuinely happy for them. Why? Who knows? Maybe becasue the alpha female psyche or something (clearly I DID NOT take psychology in college) tells me I am competing with other females. For what? I don't know.

People are covetous of what they don't have. I believe that the majority of the people who get upset about exercise are in fact upset because they wish they could/would do something physical themselves.
 
I think you were right when you said that there are two types of people, I just think you got the categories wrong. The two types of people are "nourishing" and "toxic." Sounds to me like this woman is of the second variety. I'm amazed that some people I know can be so supportive of everything you do and so happy for whatever you have without the slightest bit of envy, despite what they themselves have or don't have, while other people think that your successes somehow detract from them. It's her issue, not yours. Don't feed her insecurity by refusing to talk about a large part of your life in front of her. It somehow justifies her position. Just my 2 cent. Lynda
 
That's a really good observation about the male/female thing. I never thought about it that way.

The interesting thing is, for most people they have to work at fitness in order to achieve results. Once I started exercising, it took me awhile to really love it the way I do. It's the very fact that I do conciously choose to work at it that helps build my fitness self esteem. Maybe it's the fact these other women want the results of what exercise gives us, but don't think they have what it takes to start and then stick with it, that makes them feel bad about themselves, thereby getting catty when it gets brought up. I believe they call that a bad coping mechanism.

Jillybean, my Master's is in Psychology and I don't remember learning about the Alpha Female Psyche. Maybe I missed that class or forgot it (twas a while ago). If it doesn't exit, we should write the theory and submit it for inclusion.
 
I think there are only alpha females in groups of cats. I could be wrong. Even though I'm married and happy, I still think I may posess an instinctual, subconscious urge to feel like I am competing for male attention.
 
Hey, little energizer bunny, how many times have I told you I'd need rollerskates to keep up with you? You know how I handle anti-exercisers? I make sure they know ALL the reasons I can't live without it and why everyone should do it. I am proud of what I have accomplished and all that I plan to still. It's what I find most interesting, so I share the joys. Less stress, slim and strong at 41, firm butt and a wonderful sense of accomplishmentto name but a few. :) A clean diet that allows me to indulge with impunity. You can be serious, you can be light-hearted but you should let everyone know that you do it and you love it because that's part of who you are. Any who mocks or ridicules you can be easily dealt with because exercise is the smart thing to do. Not exercisng contributes to many of todays health woes. And Lori, you and your running partner had her outnumbered so you should have enthusiastically shared you plans for running an event. Don't let anyone make you feel badly aobut discussing what you love! When you checkin and tell me what Cathe workout you have done in addition to, say, an 80 minute run and a day at work, I smile and shake my head in admiration! You are the bomb! Share, honey! You probably inspire more people than you annoy.
 
Thanks for those nice words! Isn't it nice knowing that you made someone miles and miles away smile.
Yeah,we did have her out numbered.But she laid it out on the table,with her hand in the air..."I am not going there".I think I could have replied in a manner that made her realize that it was none of her business but I think she would have replied with a childish and ignorant response.Most people do when they feel cornered.I don't know her that well,so I figured that I would leave well enough alone.
Thanks again,
Lori:)
 
You can always look at them with indignation and say "I beg your pardon!" They're usually so surprised they don't know what to say after that. It works in all kinds of situations.
 
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