how much time do you all have to spend with your significant other? i used to spend a ton of time with my fiance'. However, now i'm in doctorate school for physical therapy and my time is spent studying all of the time (even saturday and sunday). when school gets intense i start to get insecurity issues b/c its like we live together but are never together. i guess i get nervous of growing apart or him doing all this fun and exciting stuff without me. has anyone experienced these feelings?
time with significant other
- Thread starter kariev
- Start date
Clarissa
Cathlete
Yes - I got married very young to my HS sweetheart. We have 2 children now and live very busy and hectic lives. It really is challenging to find time to be together anymore. We never go on dates or anything. I mean, not even once a year probably. In all seriousness - going to Target is like the most exciting thing we have done in forever. And if I buy something, then it is like a vacation.
Anyway, I can understand where you are coming from. I hope it gets better for you,
Clarissa
Anyway, I can understand where you are coming from. I hope it gets better for you,
Clarissa
amyg
Cathlete
I'm with you. Unfortunately. DH works 8am-9 or 10 most days and I get up at 5 and go to work. I'm also studying for the bar exam so all of my time is taken away. I went to law school in part because I knew DH would be working these hours for a few years and figured why should i sit around and wait for him. LOL.
We do what we can; dinner every few weeks, phone calls, I leave cards on his pillow sometimes, etc. Not great but it's where we're at. We've been married 5 years and this has been it for about 4.5 years.
We do what we can; dinner every few weeks, phone calls, I leave cards on his pillow sometimes, etc. Not great but it's where we're at. We've been married 5 years and this has been it for about 4.5 years.
spyrosmom
Cathlete
I can definitely sympathize. I know it's kinda hokey, but do a date-night. We do it at a minimum of once a month, any where from dinner/movie to mini golf and pizza. Whatever is fun. We had a missed time in Nov/Dec due to the holidays and a death in the family, but are back on track now. We went out last weekend and my dad babysat. Feb is our 9th anniversary and we are going to see Bon Jovi, Santa got us tickets for Christmas. You have to make the time. Even if its snuggling up on the couch a night or 2 a wk to watch TV, it's better than nothing. During the week we watch the 830 and 9 pm episodes of Family Feud on GSN and play along. Corny, but it works. Sometimes the questions even spark conversation or debates. You've just got to fit in what works. Tomorrow is the weekend, blow off a few hours of studying on Sat or Sun (you won't fail the class) and sleep in and snuggle, lounge in your jammies, go to brunch, the video or bookstore, put the jammies back on and snuggle up and watch a movie or read the new books. Just hang out.
To me the more solid a relationship, the less "doing" there has to be and more "being" While its fun to get all dressed up and go out for a night on the town, it doesn't happen often. You need to be comfortable spending time together just hanging. When we realized that, it made a big difference. It's the old "quality over quantity" thing. If you're studying all day and get up to stretch, eat, use the bathroom, stop by his chair and lay a big wet smooch on him. Before you/he leave in the morning, give him a REAL kiss, and again when you/he come home in the evening. 30 seconds of real time, beats an hour of half-attention time.
But you're not in an unusual predicament, I think we've all been there to one degree or the other. As long as its a short term issue and you're conscience of it and making the effort (both of you) to correct it, it'll be ok. Have you guys talked about this together?
I don't know you personally, so don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't go about it in the cliche girly girl whiny we-need-to-talk-we're-growing-apart-you-don't-love-me and burst into tears mess. Just sometime when you guys have a minute "hey, we don't get spend as much time together because we're busy with this that and the other thing and I miss you" will suffice. That's what we generally say. "I miss my husband" or "I miss my wife" and thats the clue to the other that we need to make a schedule adjustment somewhere, or stay up an extra 15 or 30 mins that night just to be together.
Hope some of that helped,
Nan
To me the more solid a relationship, the less "doing" there has to be and more "being" While its fun to get all dressed up and go out for a night on the town, it doesn't happen often. You need to be comfortable spending time together just hanging. When we realized that, it made a big difference. It's the old "quality over quantity" thing. If you're studying all day and get up to stretch, eat, use the bathroom, stop by his chair and lay a big wet smooch on him. Before you/he leave in the morning, give him a REAL kiss, and again when you/he come home in the evening. 30 seconds of real time, beats an hour of half-attention time.
But you're not in an unusual predicament, I think we've all been there to one degree or the other. As long as its a short term issue and you're conscience of it and making the effort (both of you) to correct it, it'll be ok. Have you guys talked about this together?
I don't know you personally, so don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't go about it in the cliche girly girl whiny we-need-to-talk-we're-growing-apart-you-don't-love-me and burst into tears mess. Just sometime when you guys have a minute "hey, we don't get spend as much time together because we're busy with this that and the other thing and I miss you" will suffice. That's what we generally say. "I miss my husband" or "I miss my wife" and thats the clue to the other that we need to make a schedule adjustment somewhere, or stay up an extra 15 or 30 mins that night just to be together.
Hope some of that helped,
Nan
ldy_solana
Cathlete
a rarety here too. and if we do get a few minutes alone i am just about to go to bed b/c i have to get up early. stress of raising a child with a disability doesn't help b/c it physically and mentally wears me out but when he gets home he is exhausted as well. so i fall asleep and he is on the puter working on games for money. there are times we can have moments together and we take those moments to full advantage. its hard but we can work it out. don't be insecure just be honest and work out a solution with him. never know,he might be feeling the same way.
kassia
http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana
"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/276676894.jpg
kassia
http://www.picturetrail.com/ldy_solana
"And do what thee wilt as long as ye harm none"
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL1307/4842454/16585805/276676894.jpg
LeanneM
Cathlete
Hi kariev,
Like some of the others said, I've found that it helps to try to carve out some time to be together, whether it's by planning a date night or just making time to relax and snuggle on the couch with a good movie.
I was in grad school for 6 1/2 years while also getting my doctorate (and was teaching full-time while writing my diss.), and so I completely understand about the pressures you have on you. Being in grad school can completely take over your life and can absorb all your waking thoughts! But you really do need to take some time to be with your fiance. If you keep up that hectic pace, not only will you feel like your relationship isn't where you want it to be, but you'll end up burning out too quickly and not enjoying your studies. I came close to this, and I really had to make efforts to set limits so that my work wasn't taking up all my time.
Instead of studying/working all day on the weekends, can you limit yourself to working until about noon or 1:00, and then try to plan something fun with your fiance afterwards? It really does sound like you also need some time for just you!
Hope this helps!
Like some of the others said, I've found that it helps to try to carve out some time to be together, whether it's by planning a date night or just making time to relax and snuggle on the couch with a good movie.
I was in grad school for 6 1/2 years while also getting my doctorate (and was teaching full-time while writing my diss.), and so I completely understand about the pressures you have on you. Being in grad school can completely take over your life and can absorb all your waking thoughts! But you really do need to take some time to be with your fiance. If you keep up that hectic pace, not only will you feel like your relationship isn't where you want it to be, but you'll end up burning out too quickly and not enjoying your studies. I came close to this, and I really had to make efforts to set limits so that my work wasn't taking up all my time.
Instead of studying/working all day on the weekends, can you limit yourself to working until about noon or 1:00, and then try to plan something fun with your fiance afterwards? It really does sound like you also need some time for just you!
Hope this helps!
chefkate
Cathlete
I totally understand your feelings. I'm kind of on th eopposite end of the spectrum though. DH and I see/talk ALL THE TIME. The reason is that we are self-employed with a very demanding business and can never turn work "off". We have 2 small girls and date nights are non-existent. Any time we ever get a chance (once in a blue moon!) we end up just staying home so we can be with our girls some more. We try to just settle for some quiet time on Friday nights. We do know the importance of regular date nights, though, and we need to make more time for them. It helps EVERY part of your marriage and even your parenting.
Good luck!
Good luck!
Sunshine 1528
Cathlete
Not to the extent you are because I married for the second time at 42. But still had kids and work and the household stuff.
DH and I used to play roller hockey once a week, no kids, that worked for a while until they closed the rink in town. Then he started up out of town with some of our buddies. I used to go once in a while.
We don't do much even though now the kids are grown since there are always chores, shopping etc, We do like to "play" with food, watch Food TV network alot and he likes to grill so we have fun doing that and renting a movie.
Then a couple of years ago I got him to agree to some hockey games. They have a 10 pack so once the tickets are purchased, your date night is set.
This year we got two 10 packs. This gives us driving time, dinner time and the hockey game with a nightcap afterwards. We needed something set. And I also bought tix to a couple of concerts this summer while hockey was out of season.
All in all, setting the time aside as all the others have said is important. If you can arrange your date nights so that you have to "make" them then it works well since you don't cancel. I found just trying to do it on the fly didn't work well for us since there is always something to do.
You will most likely find that the "breaks" from your studying will benefit you in more ways than one. And, maybe it will get the two of you used to the together time so it won't end even after you have finished your graduate work.
Congratulations on your dedication with your education and good luck on your "together time" with your fiance.
DH and I used to play roller hockey once a week, no kids, that worked for a while until they closed the rink in town. Then he started up out of town with some of our buddies. I used to go once in a while.
We don't do much even though now the kids are grown since there are always chores, shopping etc, We do like to "play" with food, watch Food TV network alot and he likes to grill so we have fun doing that and renting a movie.
Then a couple of years ago I got him to agree to some hockey games. They have a 10 pack so once the tickets are purchased, your date night is set.
This year we got two 10 packs. This gives us driving time, dinner time and the hockey game with a nightcap afterwards. We needed something set. And I also bought tix to a couple of concerts this summer while hockey was out of season.
All in all, setting the time aside as all the others have said is important. If you can arrange your date nights so that you have to "make" them then it works well since you don't cancel. I found just trying to do it on the fly didn't work well for us since there is always something to do.
You will most likely find that the "breaks" from your studying will benefit you in more ways than one. And, maybe it will get the two of you used to the together time so it won't end even after you have finished your graduate work.
Congratulations on your dedication with your education and good luck on your "together time" with your fiance.
thanks guys. at least i know i'm not alone in feeling this way. i've talked to him about how i have been feeling and he actually has been feeling the same since i'm always studying and not around. we've decided to set aside date night once per week. thanks again for all the encouraging words and advice.