RE: teenage
Well, I did go to school to see what she needed to do in order to get some type of high school education. She has a number of options and they are more positive than she was letting on to me.
I was also told to contact the Attendance Officer regarding her truancy.
He told me to file a police report and informed me that she must remain in some type of educational high school program (school, independent study, a shortened day high school, etc.) or when she is found she will have to attend court proceedings and possible not be able to receive her driver's license even at the age of 18 (in CA). Apparently the truancy court can delay a driver's license up to the age of 25 if they wish.
Called and left her a voice mail (she didn't answer again) with all this info.
Then called my SIL/BIL to see exactly what would happen if I did file a missing persons report. Of course, when they find her they pick her up. Then they call me. She comes home with me and then if she leaves again, we go back through the whole process. Since this is not the first time she has done this and she has very many people who would take her in, I had my SIL call her and explain all the consequences of her decisions. She answered that phone call and then called me. (P.S. SIL is a multi service officer and her DH -my BIL - is a SWAT officer)
SIL said she was told I never listen, only yell. Everything I said was trying to control her (DUH - YOU ARE MAKING BAD DECISIONS).
Accused me of saying I was going to have her BF put in jail, why did I tell SIL, etc. She continued to yell and I just patiently waited to let her know that I didn't say that neither did my SIL. We are trying to make sure she is safe, going to school and on the right track. She went to her father's (serious alcoholic and probably at least marijuana depending on whether he gets drug tested at work or not). He always shows up to be the Knight in Shining Armor - a salesman by trade and honestly, I am not sure how much of our married life was even true. I don't think it will last too long as she is very difficult to live with and he has less than 0 patience.
At least she is planning on getting a job and finishing high school if she can get into an independent study program. I will check in with her to see how things are going, but need to let her breathe a little since her father is very overbearing and she sees me that way too.
I know how I would like to control her life and the success I wish for her, but, sometimes we need to realize that all people are not made the same and we must analyze their personalities and deal with them in a way that will be positive and also move them forward with whatever they are having issues with.
As far as the BF goes, they will now be separated by 30 miles so this will be a test as to how strong their relationship really is. He does have a job and supposedly she will have one soon too.
I only hope that one of these nights I will have more than an hour or two of sleep and possibly be able to think while I am at work as that is beginning to steam roll also.
One of the most positive things in my life right now is that my oldest son, 21, has begun to speak to me again. He also said he couldn't stand my DH went to live with his father many years ago. He will be getting married next summer and I sure hope he will include me back into his life. My other son and I are trying to arrange a day off work in order to go spend it with him - he lives about an hour + away from us now.
Again, thank all of you for your support, ideas and actual experiences. They have truly helped me see things from many angles with many emotions attached and it is this wide body of wisdom coupled with my knowledge of my DD's personality traits that I make my decisions on which way to turn as this scenario unfolds.
Bless you all
