naughtoj
Cathlete
Ok, I need some advice.
Hubby and I are talking last night and the conversation (much to his dismay;-) ) rolls around to talking about "real life" issues, as I would like to call them. You know, money..for us, moving (he wants to move to IL or MO and I don't know how I feel about that), blah, blah. As far as the latter situation goes, I feel trouble brewing. He wants to go back to where his family is and I feel backed into a corner. He doesn't want to move halfway, he doesn't want to stay here. I feel that even if we moved and I did not like it, he would never move back. I would just end up being miserable. Sooooo.....I think I am getting a bit bitter about feeling like I have no choice in how my life is going to play out and maybe it is showing. I have this real need to talk about this issue even though it is not happening yet (but will inevitably happen after I get out of school). He is just waiting for that to drop the real bomb, you know? So...as soon as I voice my discontent on ANY matter he throws a hissy, says he didn't mean to start a huge fight, and flees out of the room, sometimes throwing things (not at me). It is actually pretty funny how fast he has a meltdown Other than this, in every other way, my husband is an absolutely wonderful husband. He doesn't every even get mad unless it is one of these situations.
He always thinks we are FIGHTING. I try to explain to him that I am just TALKING ABOUT REAL THINGS. I told him last night that we have a "fairweather" relationship. As long as we are comfie, have enough money, don't have any disputes, everything is GREAT. But as soon as I bring up talking about the real, important stuff, he thinks it is a fight. It is like he can't handle any disrupt in our perfect little life. Every time this happens, I get mad a little, but mostly I feel sad because I don't see it changing. I fast forward to us having REAL money problems or kids (and the conflicts that automatically happen in a relationship over your children) and am not sure if he couldn't handle any of that/our relationship could survive that.
I am the first to admit that yeah, we don't usually start our conversations talking about 'real' issues, they just usually evolve to that. Last night was triggered by talking about a log cabin he saw on the internet (he is dropping a hint). I know we do have some issues, like with him wanting so many material things that just don't matter to me...but all couples do. I know when we talk about these issues that I probably do say things that are not worded the right way but I do feel that overall I am not out of line when I expect him to be able to talk about things like an ADULT and not throw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old child!!!
How do I deal with this without it sounding accusatory or deameaning to him. This issue is really making me fear for our future!! HELP!
Wanted to add: I come from a violent family that faught over anything and everything every day, but atleast voiced their discontent with the 'real' issues. He comes from a family where he has no real memory of his parents EVER talking about 'real' issues. At least not in front of him....?????? Weird, if you ask me..
Hubby and I are talking last night and the conversation (much to his dismay;-) ) rolls around to talking about "real life" issues, as I would like to call them. You know, money..for us, moving (he wants to move to IL or MO and I don't know how I feel about that), blah, blah. As far as the latter situation goes, I feel trouble brewing. He wants to go back to where his family is and I feel backed into a corner. He doesn't want to move halfway, he doesn't want to stay here. I feel that even if we moved and I did not like it, he would never move back. I would just end up being miserable. Sooooo.....I think I am getting a bit bitter about feeling like I have no choice in how my life is going to play out and maybe it is showing. I have this real need to talk about this issue even though it is not happening yet (but will inevitably happen after I get out of school). He is just waiting for that to drop the real bomb, you know? So...as soon as I voice my discontent on ANY matter he throws a hissy, says he didn't mean to start a huge fight, and flees out of the room, sometimes throwing things (not at me). It is actually pretty funny how fast he has a meltdown Other than this, in every other way, my husband is an absolutely wonderful husband. He doesn't every even get mad unless it is one of these situations.
He always thinks we are FIGHTING. I try to explain to him that I am just TALKING ABOUT REAL THINGS. I told him last night that we have a "fairweather" relationship. As long as we are comfie, have enough money, don't have any disputes, everything is GREAT. But as soon as I bring up talking about the real, important stuff, he thinks it is a fight. It is like he can't handle any disrupt in our perfect little life. Every time this happens, I get mad a little, but mostly I feel sad because I don't see it changing. I fast forward to us having REAL money problems or kids (and the conflicts that automatically happen in a relationship over your children) and am not sure if he couldn't handle any of that/our relationship could survive that.
I am the first to admit that yeah, we don't usually start our conversations talking about 'real' issues, they just usually evolve to that. Last night was triggered by talking about a log cabin he saw on the internet (he is dropping a hint). I know we do have some issues, like with him wanting so many material things that just don't matter to me...but all couples do. I know when we talk about these issues that I probably do say things that are not worded the right way but I do feel that overall I am not out of line when I expect him to be able to talk about things like an ADULT and not throw a temper tantrum like a 3 year old child!!!
How do I deal with this without it sounding accusatory or deameaning to him. This issue is really making me fear for our future!! HELP!
Wanted to add: I come from a violent family that faught over anything and everything every day, but atleast voiced their discontent with the 'real' issues. He comes from a family where he has no real memory of his parents EVER talking about 'real' issues. At least not in front of him....?????? Weird, if you ask me..