spyrosmom
Cathlete
I'm looking to rant and for advice.
My dad is 64, will be 65 in Jan. He's as stubborn, temperamental, bull headed, always right as the rest of us in the family!!! ARGGGGHHHH!!!!! Why couldn't he be normal?
Anyway, he's got a long history of health problems, appendix before I was born, gallbladder when I was a young kid - barely remember, 1st heart attack when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, 2 more (same day) when I was a freshman in college, a diagnosis of diabetes at the same time, and a leg anuersym when I was in high school that almost cost him his foot. I'm 32 now, so obviously this has been some time all this has been going on. His father had COPD and emphysema, his mom had diabetes and some sort of cancer - they passed away when I was 5 or so - I really don't remember them. What I do remember is both of them smoking like chimneys.
My dad smoked when I was a kid, and quit when he had his 1st heart attack. My mom probably would have killed him if he didn't. My mom passed on 1997, and my dad remarried a few years later, to a woman who smokes. She smokes in the house, and he has been smoking nasty cigars like crazy for some time now. She claims to be concerned about his health but if she was, she wouldn't do that. Here nor there, she's not a bad woman, but she rubs me the wrong way sometimes.
I honestly think my dad's been depressed since my mom passed. He puts up a good front, but he's not the same. He lost his job maybe a year or so after that (a place he's been like 10 yrs in upper management) and hasn't held a long term steady job since. I think he had one job for maybe a year and another for 6 months. I can tell by looking at him he's not happy and not healthy, and he seems to be going downhill fast lately. Every time I hear the phone ring, I think it's someone calling to tell me he's dead or in the hospital, or if he doesn't return a call quickly, I think something is wrong.
This is a copy of an email his wife sent to me, my brothers, and my aunt today.
I went with J to his doc appointment yesterday. This is the appointment he was supposed to have made back in May. I've been nagging since then for him to get this appointment which he finally did.
J's blood sugar was over 400. His blood pressure was 158/80 His blood density was very high. He's down to 165 lbs. J took himself off all his meds 8 months ago, claiming they were too expensive. Any time I asked about his meds or his blood sugar test results, he snarled and bit my head off verbally. In the doc's office, he said he didn't want me to be upset about his choices.
His doc told him he had to get back on his meds or he was facing death soon. The doc told J he'd be glad to work with him on med costs and costs of appointments. J will be elegible for Medicare in late January; at that time, all of the tests and all his diabetic meds will be covered.
I'd asked all of you in the past to help do an intervention with J. I am asking for that again. Unless and until we ALL consistently keep on him to address his diabetes, he's looking at imminant demise -- and that's coming from the doc, not me.
I also told the doc about Js ADHD; the doc suggested that it might be tied to sleep apnea, which I confirmed symptoms. When the doc stepped out to get sample meds, J went ballistic on me, claiming he wanted his privacy about his medical conditions. The doc got to overhear quite a bit of that rant, and countered that J needed a good support base amongst family and friends to deal with all of his dire physical conditions.
This is what my aunt responded, and I agree with her.
I don't have a good answer. I think the way R nags him just makes it less likely for him to take her seriously. She pulled this same stunt last yr just before Thanksgiving. I agree and have thought for a long time the J is depressed and it has never been address. I doubt if he would address it as when he was growing up being "crazy" had a terrible stigma attached to it. Also men were required to be stoic and hold everything in. They were suppose to just deal with it. He will be 65 in Jan. That is how old my dad was when he died. He was 65 in Dec 84 and died July 85. I know my dad went thru a bad period when he was 57. He had an idea in his head that he would die at that age because his father died at 57. There wasn't anything that could convice him it didn't have to be and he did live for 8 more yrs.
What R says about medicare is true and he will be coverd in Jan. However, even if all his testing supplies and meds are covered it won't make much difference until he feels better about himself. I know he blusters a lot but he is not self confident and never has been.
As I said, I don't have the answers but will give it a lot of thought.
I know this is very long, but I really don't know what to do. It's like my dad is slowing committing suicide. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, at least if the brick wall yells and throws things when it's mad. Anybody else been in a similar situation with a stubborn, sick parent? If he dies, I'm gonna bring him back and kill him again! DS only has 2 grandparents left, my father and my FIL, who's a jerk. We're a little short on grandparents around here, and 64 is NOT old.
Nan
My dad is 64, will be 65 in Jan. He's as stubborn, temperamental, bull headed, always right as the rest of us in the family!!! ARGGGGHHHH!!!!! Why couldn't he be normal?
Anyway, he's got a long history of health problems, appendix before I was born, gallbladder when I was a young kid - barely remember, 1st heart attack when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, 2 more (same day) when I was a freshman in college, a diagnosis of diabetes at the same time, and a leg anuersym when I was in high school that almost cost him his foot. I'm 32 now, so obviously this has been some time all this has been going on. His father had COPD and emphysema, his mom had diabetes and some sort of cancer - they passed away when I was 5 or so - I really don't remember them. What I do remember is both of them smoking like chimneys.
My dad smoked when I was a kid, and quit when he had his 1st heart attack. My mom probably would have killed him if he didn't. My mom passed on 1997, and my dad remarried a few years later, to a woman who smokes. She smokes in the house, and he has been smoking nasty cigars like crazy for some time now. She claims to be concerned about his health but if she was, she wouldn't do that. Here nor there, she's not a bad woman, but she rubs me the wrong way sometimes.
I honestly think my dad's been depressed since my mom passed. He puts up a good front, but he's not the same. He lost his job maybe a year or so after that (a place he's been like 10 yrs in upper management) and hasn't held a long term steady job since. I think he had one job for maybe a year and another for 6 months. I can tell by looking at him he's not happy and not healthy, and he seems to be going downhill fast lately. Every time I hear the phone ring, I think it's someone calling to tell me he's dead or in the hospital, or if he doesn't return a call quickly, I think something is wrong.
This is a copy of an email his wife sent to me, my brothers, and my aunt today.
I went with J to his doc appointment yesterday. This is the appointment he was supposed to have made back in May. I've been nagging since then for him to get this appointment which he finally did.
J's blood sugar was over 400. His blood pressure was 158/80 His blood density was very high. He's down to 165 lbs. J took himself off all his meds 8 months ago, claiming they were too expensive. Any time I asked about his meds or his blood sugar test results, he snarled and bit my head off verbally. In the doc's office, he said he didn't want me to be upset about his choices.
His doc told him he had to get back on his meds or he was facing death soon. The doc told J he'd be glad to work with him on med costs and costs of appointments. J will be elegible for Medicare in late January; at that time, all of the tests and all his diabetic meds will be covered.
I'd asked all of you in the past to help do an intervention with J. I am asking for that again. Unless and until we ALL consistently keep on him to address his diabetes, he's looking at imminant demise -- and that's coming from the doc, not me.
I also told the doc about Js ADHD; the doc suggested that it might be tied to sleep apnea, which I confirmed symptoms. When the doc stepped out to get sample meds, J went ballistic on me, claiming he wanted his privacy about his medical conditions. The doc got to overhear quite a bit of that rant, and countered that J needed a good support base amongst family and friends to deal with all of his dire physical conditions.
This is what my aunt responded, and I agree with her.
I don't have a good answer. I think the way R nags him just makes it less likely for him to take her seriously. She pulled this same stunt last yr just before Thanksgiving. I agree and have thought for a long time the J is depressed and it has never been address. I doubt if he would address it as when he was growing up being "crazy" had a terrible stigma attached to it. Also men were required to be stoic and hold everything in. They were suppose to just deal with it. He will be 65 in Jan. That is how old my dad was when he died. He was 65 in Dec 84 and died July 85. I know my dad went thru a bad period when he was 57. He had an idea in his head that he would die at that age because his father died at 57. There wasn't anything that could convice him it didn't have to be and he did live for 8 more yrs.
What R says about medicare is true and he will be coverd in Jan. However, even if all his testing supplies and meds are covered it won't make much difference until he feels better about himself. I know he blusters a lot but he is not self confident and never has been.
As I said, I don't have the answers but will give it a lot of thought.
I know this is very long, but I really don't know what to do. It's like my dad is slowing committing suicide. Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, at least if the brick wall yells and throws things when it's mad. Anybody else been in a similar situation with a stubborn, sick parent? If he dies, I'm gonna bring him back and kill him again! DS only has 2 grandparents left, my father and my FIL, who's a jerk. We're a little short on grandparents around here, and 64 is NOT old.
Nan
Last edited:
