So CAN you get over a negative body image?

[L Sass]

I struggled with weight all through high school and college - always carried that extra 20 -30 pounds - enough to feel out of place around all of those who did not have weight issues. And often peers' comments augmented that feeling. So now I'm a mom of 3, lawyer on hiatus to raise my kids and invlolved in all of their activities. Last summer I had posted about how my doc told me I was borderline obese, had to lose 10 pounds, should lose 20.

So I've documented here how I did the Cinch plan, dropped the pounds, my skinny clothes are too big, blah, blah, blah. I've also mentioned that this is my first year coaching a junior drill team of 50 girls. We practice every week. I'm teaching them the muscles of the body (no one has ever done that before) and today was our parents' viewing day. It's usually closed door, but 2-3 times a season we let parents view. So there were all these moms in to watch and I found myself comparing my body image to every single one of them. It has nothing whatsoever to do with how any one of is as a person, but I would think "need to drop 10 more to be thinner than mom x" or "i'm about 10 pounds under mom y". Bottom line, regardless of how thin or heavy I may actually be, I often feel like an absolute sow. For those who have ever dealt with negative body image, do you think it CAN be overcome?

Lorrie

Pain is temporary - quitting lasts forever
Candace Grasso, CC-V-6

 

[JenL13]

If it can be done I would like to learn how... I think it is possible but I have always had a negative viewpoint of my body. Even at the smallest I've been I've never been completely happy. I don't own a scale or care about how much I weigh, I go by how by body feels and clothes fit but even though I can wear a size 4 or 6, I still don't feel "thin" and when I look at others I always think, wow they're thin and then have people say, you are smaller than they are... regardless though, I don't feel that way.

I am not unhappy in life or with myself, I just don't ever think I'll "see" myself like I do others... but hey, that is just my opinion, I REALLY hope I am wrong.

Know there are TONS of others that know how you feel, I just try to not think about it and tell myself everyday that regardless of how I "think" I look I KNOW that I am healthy and if I can do IMAX or Drill Max without having to hit pause, I am in good health and ultimatly that is what is important, right???

 

[andtckrtoo]

Tough question, and as someone from a very similar past - never thin enough, pretty enough, this enough or that enough - I so understand where you are coming from. It's an issue I struggle with every day of my life, even though I am successful and competent in all that I do. I also do find myself judging others based on how I feel others would see me, which is something I really do not like about myself.

I think the answer to your question is kind of yes and no. I do much better with how I feel about myself if I spend my time observing others thinking about the one thing that makes someone most attractive. It's rarely their body, their hair or their makeup. It's usually a great smile, a wonderfully confident walk... I find when I concentrate on the positive in others, I'm more likely to see the positive in myself.

The other thing that has helped is sitting down and honestly putting down on paper the women in my life who I admire the most. Very few of those women are perfect in appearance. I sometimes wonder if not looking like everyone else is not what helped these women do things their peers could not. Look at you - you're a lawyer who loves her kids so much that she decided to quit a lucrative job and stay at home with them. You had the drive and ambition to become something that is tough to do - how many people never make it through law school? Yet, you had the heart and the spirit to realize that a career is not an end all, and that family is more important than extra income. If that's something to be darned proud of, I don't know what is. And I don't see the other mom's being brave enough to take on the drill team - but you have. That's very impressive.

Of course, I have days when everyone else seems more than I am - a better person, a better mom, prettier, thinner, happier... That's life too. That's where the "no" part of it comes in. Can you banish those thoughts - yeah, for the most part. But there will always be days of self doubt. That's just life. It's kind of like a bad day of eating. You simply wait it out, pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

Oddly enough I was just thinking of some of the women I admire most, and one did come to mind who is very attractive. If you looked at her, the first thing you would think is "WOW!" But, what I admire about her is that she has sold two bio-tech companies, travels about 50% of the time and still managed to raise three wonderful and respectful children and has a husband who adores her. In the midst of all that she is the leader of a local girl scout troop. She is also painfully shy and appreciates me because I will sit down beside her and just start talking. She tells me that she wishes she had my confidence. Which is ironic, because I don't consider myself confident...

I guess we all wish we were something more than we are... It's a human trait.

 

[6Swans4me]

>So there were all these moms in to watch and I found myself comparing my body image to every single one of them. It has nothing whatsoever to do with how any one of is as a person, but I would think "need to drop 10 more to be thinner than mom x" or "i'm about 10 pounds under mom y". Bottom line, regardless of how thin or heavy I may actually be, I often feel like an absolute sow. For those who have ever dealt with
>negative body image, do you think it CAN be overcome?

Hi Lorrie,

It is a struggle for me to not find fault with my body. I have to constantly remind myself of what my body can do and be thankful for the body I have.

Even when I was 105 pounds, I didn't like the shape of my calves. Although, I don't find that I compare myself physically with other people, I do compare myself in other ways. They are able to accomplish more than I can. Their house is more organized. They are able to finish projects fully. They are able to manage their time better. Their children are better behaved. They are more self controlled than me. The list can go on if I let it. And it can become a habit if I allow it to be.

One of the problems with comparing is that someone is always a loser. Instead of being happy for the other person, I dwell in my perceived failures. If I come out ahead in my mental comparison, then I find myself feeling prideful. When I'm focusing on myself, it's almost impossible for me to be loving, encouraging, and putting others before myself.

I try to take each negative thought captive in the moment. When I catch myself doing these things, I remind myself of Philippians 4:8 "Finally Brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things."

 

[tneah]

I always go back to my absolute idol Sophia Loren (who was not a skinny waif) when she said, "It's not what ya got, it's people think you have".
I grew up with an anorexic mom who binged and purged and told me how short my legs were, how horrible my hair was, and even today, though I am by anyone else's standards, successful, in good shape and am easy on the eyes or whatever that saying is, I find myself comparing myself to other women, usually the ones with long legs and long silky hair. It leaves me feeling so bad and I totally forget all the good stuff.
What is funny to me though, is the times I do feel great about myself..after completing a particularly hard workout, getting my hair blown out at the salon, getting a pedicure and cooking a great meal, or even having a great night of nooky with my DH!;-) That next day, I notice how even strangers react to me, I attract positive energy, compliments and friendly gestures. It never ceases to amaze me.
My point? There will ALWAYS be some other chick with a better body. Concentrate on the good stuff inside you (like teaching your gals about the body)or the things you can do like no one else. Revel in being kind and gracious to strangers, and add a new piece of lingere to your wardrobe--trust me this is a good one!:7
These demons never go away, you just have to put them in perspective.