Single Parents.....

[banslug]

Regardless of why or how you are a single parent, I'd like your input.

Do you ever feel like you're totally inept to be raising your child or children???

That's a loaded question, I know! I run a tight ship in our home. I feel that I NEED to, in order to get everything done in an effective way. My boys (ages 9 and 6) are good kids, they really are. They do test me, just like every kid does, I'm sure! They fight, they complain, sometimes they whine, but they ARE good kids who know right from wrong. I LOVE MY CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!

They shower at the end of the night on their own. They go to bed by 8pm every school night. They sleep (and STAY) in their own beds all night long. They clean up their place at the dinner table each meal. They do their homework right after school and they are getting excellent grades. They are healthy, have TONS of friends, and we have a good time together. We go camping in warm weather; I try to take them on a vacation every year; they have friends over our house a few times a week and they are invited to go to their friends' houses.

BUT.............I don't know. I go a while feeling in complete control and then BAM. I feel like I can't do this. It's hard not having that other person here with me to help with the discipline and to give me advice on some topics concerning the boys. It's hard to have a 'job' 24/7 with no time off!

I've thought about going to a counsellor, just to get some kind of confirmation that I'm doing it 'right' or 'wrong', but I can't afford that. I've thought about a support group, but there isn't one around me.

What are your thoughts? How do YOU feel about raising child(ren) alone? It can't just be ME that feels like this.

Gayle

p.s. Sorry for the long post. I don't want you getting the idea that we're an unhappy family or that I am the one unhappy. It's just HARD doing this alone all the stinkin' time!

 

[EricaH]

Gayle - you're doing a wonderful job with your boys! They are lucky to have such a wonderful, caring and devoted mother.

I'm not a single parent and can't imagine how difficult that would be, but I will say that I have the same doubts, guilt, etc. that you do and I'm raising my kids with my DH who is a very involved father. I think all moms worry that we're not doing a good enough job and think that we should be/could be doing better somehow. I do understand what you mean about having someone to help with the discipline/advice - there are many times where I discipline my kids or make a rule and then check back with my DH to make sure that he thinks I'm being fair. It's hard to not have someone to back you up and confirm that you're doing the right thing.

Keep up the great work - your boys sound like great kids!

Erica

 

[endorphin_junkie]

Hey Gayle, you know that I know Honey Being widowed you are truly a single parent, it's a tough gig. It's the discipline that leaves me feeling guilty and unsure in my methods. Two parents can do the 'good cop, bad cop' thing so effectively, then the kids feel the balance of discipline and compassion, tough to balance when we're parenting solo. I often feel like I'm screwing things up royally but my children are lively and happy, the two best indicators of well adjusted children. I think not having another parent to bounce these things off of leaves us full of self doubt and the false certainty that others are doing much better. You are a great Mom keeping your boys busy and taking good care of yourself. You're right, it is d@mn HARD doing it alone but I'm sure that all evaporates when their arms are around you or you're sharing a good laugh together.

Take Care
Laurie

 

[andtckrtoo]

Gayle - having been on both sides of the equation - single parent now married. I do know what you mean. It IS hard doing it all alone. There is never a day off. Never a day where you can turn to someone else and say, "You know what? You take over for a day so I can go and readjust my attitude so that we're all happier." On the days where nothing seems to go right, there's no one there for you to vent your frustrations to, or simply go to for a hug and reassurance that you're doing okay and it's not you. It is hard, no matter the support system you have with your parents, siblings, etc. You're the one doing all the work 98% of the time. It's wearing.

That being said, Gayle, you always come across to me as being a phenomenal mom. You take the boys camping and do all of the fun things that boys should get to do. The fact that the boys are good kids, is a tribute to you, your values and your hard work. I do think that you're the kind of mom so many of us wish we could be.

 

[GreenEyedLefty]

<Do you ever feel like you're totally inept to be raising your child or children???>

Uh, yes. I'd wager just about every parent feels this way, at least some of the time.

I figure unless something is going horribly wrong, I must be doing okay.

((HUGS))

 

[banslug]

Thanks, ladies! I really appreciate it. It's just SO hard sometimes because none of my friends understand. None of them have to do it alone. And although I'm so happy for them, it's hard to turn to them for help and advice.

Now, after reading your empowering words, I went into my older son's room and hung his broken bi-fold closet door that I wood-glued and clamped yesterday. Fixed it and hung it myself. How empowering is THAT? LOL

Anyway, add on top of raising the kids...all the work around the house. Sometimes it's just simply too much for one person to handle. BUT....know how I'm going to handle it today?

A WORKOUT! Hitting the workout room as soon as they're on the bus! lol

THANKS SO MUCH, from the bottom of my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gayle

 

[dorothyrd]

Gayle, you sound awesome. Can I lend you my 13 year old daughter to whip into shape? She could babysit for you for payment!

Parenting is hard hard work, and you are doing fine!