Susan
You've gotten a ton of good advice here. As others have said we've all been there, and some of us are right there with you now.
I'm working on losing the 44 lbs that I've put back on after losing them. I have about 12 pairs of jeans stacked on my closet shelf that are waiting for me (I even grew out of my husbands jeans.

) I have so many shirts that don't fit that I think I could wear one everyday of the month and never repeat once.
As for eating, I'm CONSTANTLY thinking about food, both when I'm eating like an elephant and when I'm eating healthier. My husband teases that while I'm eating lunch I'm planning what I'm having for dinner. Sadly it's true. That may never change but whether I act on the un-healthy desires is a choice, not an inevitability.
It seems that once I fall off the eating healthier wagon, to get back on, it feels like I'm trying to climb Mount Everest with out oxygen and sherpas! But I eventually do get back on that stupid wagon, and you will too. Have faith in yourself! Yes you'll have set-backs and times when you gain (if you didn't you wouldn't be human) but those are only small tripped-up steps in the huge journey that is your life.
Hang in there--we're all behind you. And underneath you too, so if you fall off that wagon we're there to catch you and boost you back on.
P.S. I feel a little abandoned by Cathe as well--she hasn't done any full length Cardio videos in a long time. It's sad.
Take care and feel better!
Nadine