Should I ask a male friend, who has a girlfriend, out

B

BAM

Cathlete
....to a concert?

I won tickets to a concert and I'd really like to ask this guy that I've been friends with for several years. He and I generally get together socially a couple of times a year. He is having a Christmas party and I figured I could tell him that it's my way of thanking him for the party. I have absolutley NO love interest in him. He's just a nice guy. He's been dating a woman for 1 1/2 years but there's no sign of engagement. I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes or create any problems. I just want to enjoy his company at this concert which I'm sure he will enjoy. I thought that if I asked him, I would express to him that I want to make sure this is o.k. with his girlfriend and it's just a thank you for the party - nothing more!

So what do all of you think of this? This guy has quite a few female friends and his girlfriend certainly knows this as she has met probably all of them. It's just that he and I don't normally do things just on our own. I really should ask him by today so that he can save the date if he wants to go. Please let me know your opinions. Thanks a lot!!!!

Bam
 
Bam,
just curious, are you sure you don't like him more than as a friend? I could be way off, but something about your post made me think so. Don't want to offend if that's not the case.

My own opinion, in any case, would be no. That's just my personal feeling about how I would feel about my SO going to a concert with a female friend. It's not that I wouldn't trust my SO, or be jealous, it's just not something I'd be happy about, nor would I think would my SO would like it if I went with a male friend of mine.

Anyway, whether you ask him or someone else, have fun at the concert!
Brandi
 
Hi,

As a general rule, I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes and see how I would feel.

I know you say you have NO love interest in him and you guys are just friends, however it's not normal for you guys to hang out on your own... so if you were the girlfriend you might find it odd. I'm not saying do invite him or don't invite him, I'm just saying put yourself in her shoes if you don't want to create any problems...

Hope this helps.

B
 
Are you sure that you aren't interested in him? Reading your post made me think that you might be. Please don't get mad, but that was my first gut feeling.

My opinion is that you should find someone else to attend the concert with you. If you only hang out with this guy twice a year or so and not usually one on one, this invite is a little out of sorts with the norm of your friendship. It doesn't sound as if you know the girlfriend well, which might have an impact.

Think about how you would feel in his girlfriend's shoes and decide from there.
 
I do agree about putting myself in her position and believe me I have. Like I said, he does have a lot of female friends and I know he does get together with them. I truly do not have any feelings for him other than friendship or a brother figure. He's just not my type. If I did ask him, I really would have asked if he felt it was proper and to make sure he knew that I was considerate of his girlfriend's feelings. I know I could ask someone else but I thought this was a nice thank you gesture for his party which he has every year. If he was the type of person who really didn't have female friends, then I probably wouldn't even consider it. But I guess I'm hearing that the consensus is that I should probably find someone else to ask. Thank you so much for your input!

Bam
 
Or why don't you come straight out and ask the girlfriend. Maybe asking her would make her feel like you are less of a threat. If she doesn't feel comfortable with it then there is no use asking him. I know if it were my boyfriend I would say heck no if I wasn't going. But who knows, maybe she is used to him having lady friends so maybe she won't mind. I just think you might want to ask her first. Or if it really is a way to say thank you for a party, why not just give him the tickets so he can take his girlfriend!
 
Sounds like if he is seriously dating a girl, that you might be opening yourself up for a cat fight whether you are interested in him or not.

JMHO

Good Luck!
 
I say find a good-looking guy with potential and no girlfriend and hit the concert with HIM....:D Do something for yourself, girlfriend :D

Sparrow

My garden is filled with papayas and mangos
My life is a mixture of reggaes and tangos
Taste for the good life, I can live it no other way
- Jimmy Buffett
 
>>>Or if it really is a way to say thank you for a party, why not just give him the tickets so he can take his girlfriend!

Heck no! I want to go! lol I don't know the girlfriend well enough to call her. I guess I should go to plan B. Thanks for your input.

Bam
 
Hmm, I agree with the others that you might want to really examine your feelings. I know when I feel the need to explain and justify my behavior, it's generally because I am trying to get some validation to do something I know I shouldn't. :) But that's just me, so please don't take that personally. :)

Another issue is, his girlfriend might find this odd and threatening, which could impact your long-term friendship with him. If you REALLy want to thank him for the party, and believe he would love the concert, why not give him both tickets so he can take the girlfriend?

Marie
 
>>>I say find a good-looking guy with potential and no girlfriend and hit the concert with HIM....:D Do something for yourself, girlfriend :D

Sparrow, believe me, if I knew of one, this post wouldn't be here.
;-)

>>>More important question...are you single? If so, not a good plan.

Yes, I am single but it sounds like it wouldn't be a good idea. Onward and upward I go. Any nice single men out there? :p

Bam
 
I say why not?

My DH and I have always had a lot of friends of the opposite sex, and we also hang out with those other friends one on one.

There is nothing wrong with it, IMO, especially if you are not looking for anything romantic and eveyrone is aware of that. Why make this a bigger issue than it needs to be?

Unless you feel like the girlfriend is the insecure jealous type who would have a problem with it, then ask him. But if he has many girl friends, I'm guessing that she's used to it by now, and will be fine with it.
 
>>>>Or if it really is a way to say thank you for a party, why
>not just give him the tickets so he can take his girlfriend!
>
>Heck no! I want to go! lol I don't know the girlfriend well
>enough to call her. I guess I should go to plan B. Thanks
>for your input.
>
>Bam

Ha! I don't blame you! I don't know what I was saying, of course you want to go!:D
 
Nope, na aa.

You might have a beer or two at the concert and what ya know?
Suddenly he'll start to look doable. }(

I'm just kidding but I don't think its a good idea.
Personally I don't think a girl and a guy could be
"just friends" when the other party is already involved with someone alse.....or unless the guy is gay. I might be wrong....

Kathy
 
If you REALLy want to thank him for the party, and
>believe he would love the concert, why not give him both
>tickets so he can take the girlfriend?
>
>Marie

That's what I was gong to suggest. I have to say, though, that I think a ticket to a concert is an extravagant host/hostess gift. I usually take a bottle of wine or a box of candy, bubble bath--that sort of thing.
 
>Nope, na aa.
>
>You might have a beer or two at the concert and what ya know?
>Suddenly he'll start to look doable. }(
>


ha ha! Kathy, that made me laugh at the end of a looooong Friday!
 
Well, I bit the bullet and did call him. I know it can be hard on the boards to relay all specifics to a situation. If I felt as though I was a threat in any way, I would not have even considered it, plus, like I said earlier, I do look at him like a brother. Anyway, he said he would have loved to have gone but he's out of town on business that day and evening. I let him know that I did not want to create any problems nor would I want his girlfriend to think badly of me so I decided to leave the decision up to him. He explained exactly what I knew of him. They both have friends of the opposite sex who they each do get together with every now and then and that him going to the concert with me would not have been a problem in the least. That reassured me. However, now he's bummed that he can't go. :-( Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Thanks again to all of you for your thoughts.

Bam
 
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