RECOVERING BULEMIC/ANOREXIC

RPAGE64@CHARTER.NET

[email protected]

Cathlete
Hi,

I am a anorexic/bulemic trying to stay in recovery. I had a good 3 months under my belt and then had a relapse. I had a bulemic episode yesterday. I am seeing a therapist. I saw a new doctor Wed. (my other practitioner moved away a couple years ago) I wanted a new one other than my OB. She was a very understanding lady and has several eating disorder patients. We talked and she examined me. Of course, they would not tell me my weight but that I was within a healthy BMI. (i have not weighed in a long time at home so I have no idea what that number is-it controlled me too much) Anyway, my question is she wants to do blood work on me and I am not wanting to go. A month ago I would have went happily but with these last couple of days I am thinking my electolytes are crazy. (Even though it wasn't as bad of episodes as in the past) My nutritionist told me it takes the body about 3-4 days to re-regulate. Anyone have any experience with all of this and any ideas how to stay in recovery while I am alone and at home? I start off eating good and have a good breakfast, almonds about 10 am, lunch, usually a salad with protein and veggies in it, and then some days it is the afternoon snack that throws me for a loop and if I make what I think is a bad choice, I panic and go into my purge/starvation mode. Some days I don't panic and use my coping skills but what makes me not use them sometimes? Anyone with ideas, they are much appreciated. I just want to stay strong and say good-bye to all of this. Thanks for listening.
 
Roselyn, I don't have any advice, I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Jennie

~Straighten out, fly right~

Cathe Friedrich
 
As I was reading your post I really feel for you. I to am recovering, and have been for several years. It is hard but worth it as you are. There are times I still struggle especially in very stressful situations. When this happens I try to take a walk, get out of the house somehow, work on my dollhouse or call a friend. As I have gotten older (40's)my attitudes have changedI have become more comfortable with my body (most of the time). I realize have a strong body and can still do things sometimes better then in my 20's. Please believe in yourself and you will succeed!!! I'm praying for you and you can do it!!!!

Sarah:)
 
Roselyn,
I'm not a therapist (but, on the other hand, probably know almost as much about eating disorders as some therapists just from my own life experience). I think the difference between the times you use your coping skills and can't seem to use them is the amount of stress in your life. Needless to say, stress is completely different things to different people, and is entirely subjective. For example, I would rather take the bar exam again than spend a weekend visiting my mother, and would rather have a root canal than pack to go on a vacation. :+ Okay, a bit of humor there, but think about what's going on in your life and what kind of stress you are experiencing. Don't worry about whether someone else thinks you shouldn't be stressed out. Just tap into your own feelings and be honest with yourself.

It's fabulous that you have a therapist, and doctors who are helpful. Just be honest with your doctors and your therapist, and tell them you've had a setback and this is not a good time for the bloodwork. The more open you are with them, the more they can help you. In my experience, you can learn to stop hurting your body, but you can't do it yourself. You need the help of professionals, and they can help you only if you come completely clean. They are your lifeline.

I hope some of this makes sense, and wish you all the best. Most of all, I can tell you that you do not have to live like this forever, and it can be overcome. It's not easy, but it's essential.
 
I was hospitalized for my eating disorder 3 years ago (binging restricter with compulsive exercise). I went in with the attitude that I couldn't do live like this anymore (had been sick for 21 years) and would do whatever they told me to get better. It was so hard I can not tell you, but it is the best thing I have ever done. At the time I couldn't imagine life without my eating disorder, but now I can't imagine living like that again. I must say that I gained a lot of weight, but I am healthier than I have ever been, and I know I will not die in the middle of the night.

Here are the two best pieces of advice I have for you. In my closet I keep a basket of distractors. It has things like a book I have been wanting to read, prepaid movie tickets, really nice bath/spa products, and phone numbers and e-mails of people to call when I am in trouble. When I am struggling, and you will know when this is, I head to my basket and grab whatever will get me through. Also, I made all of my care providers give me homework. They had a clearer perspective of me and were better able to see what would help me at that time. It gave me something to focus on between my appointments and really kept me in recovery. I ultimately made a binder with all of the loose stuff and still refer to it when I am in trouble.

Good luck on your recovery and remember your care providers can't help you if you aren't completely honest with them.

Shayne
 
Hi Roselyn, My heart goes out to you, I wish that I could help you.
I have struggled myself with an eating disorder.
Anyway if you need someone to talk with, I would love to talk with you.
Try and remember every time that you are tempted to binge just how badly that you will feel afterwards, the next day etc.
You have to learn what your body wants and needs.
And how much. I understand, I have done it all.
I would like to know how you are doing.
I spend alot of time alone, I like being alone. My husband is gone a lot. But it can be dangerous when you have an ED.
Get out of the house , and go to a bookstore, a mall, if you cannot stand being alone.;-)
Rocky
 
Hi Rocky,

Thanks for the response. Today was a bad day. Then I feel bloated. Has that happened to you? Then I go through my closet and try on all my jeans to see if I am fatter. It drives me crazy. I see my therapist next week and I did email my nutritionist. I know how good recovery feels so why can't i stay there.
 
Roselyn, I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day. I hope tomorrow is better.

I use to struggle with this too. I know how it feels. If you ever want to talk let me know.

Jenn
 
Roselyn,

Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that recovery is not a straight path, but a crooked one with lots of detours. The good thing is that if you are ready you can learn from all of these detours. Another way to think of recovery is sort of like when we get a new Cathe video. At first it is so tough we don't think we can get through it all, but we do our best and do what we can. The more often we do it and work our muscles (either physically or in recovery) the easier it gets. Then finally most days we can easily handle it and the hard days become fewer and farther in between.

I know it is hard and sometimes the hardest part is facing an unknown future. After struggling for 21 years I had no idea what my life would be like if I didn't have my eating disorder (named Annie) to fall back on every day. In ways Annie had been my constant compainion for so long it was like losing a friend. But now Annie has moved on and I only hear from her occasionally. There is room in my life for so many more experiences that I know I never want to live like that again.

Keep up the faith and keep up the fight. The life on the other side though very uncertain is better than you can imagine.

Shayne
 
Thank you Shayne. I feel a little stronger today like I can say no to my eating disorder (named ED) I am trying to just go one meal at a time. Sometimes 1 hour at a time.
 
Hi Roselyn, Yes I know the trying on jeans, I have a few different sizes. Yes, bloated especially when I eat salty foods. Retain water, my eyes look puffy, and my eyes always give away of how badly I feel inside. Well, I know you need to take one day at a time.
When you feel like bingeing, what is going on in your life?
Rocky
 
I would Love to talk with you Roselyn.
If you ever feel the need.
Eating Disorders are so complicated.
I have lost so much of my life because of it, It has controlled my every move. I don't want that to happen to you. I always wondered what would I do w/o
an ED.
Rocky
 
Do you still struggle or have you overcome the eating disorder? Any suggestions how to overcome the urge to purge or not to eat? Thanks for caring.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top