I am almost 29 (and so is my husband of almost 3 years). We know that we want to start trying to have kids soon, but everytime we start talking about when to start, we end by saying that we are not ready. We both have stable jobs (as teachers), plans to buy a house this spring and have a wonderful relationship. One of my concerns is...I am almost finished with grad. school, and I have to dedicate a lot of my time next year to finishing a practicum (in order to get certified to teach in another area) while I teach full-time, therefore I will be under a lot of stress (Dr. Phil said today that a mother's stress while pregnant can have negative effects on the fetus). We also say that maybe we should do some more traveling, but the reality of that actually happening is slim to none. We have about 100 more excuses for not trying yet. My question is, to those of you with children, is there ever a time when you felt "truly ready" to start having children, or should my husband and I just start trying without worrying about "being truly ready"? Any advice would be appreciated! Thanks!
Ready???
- Thread starter jaypea
- Start date
Hi! First I have 3 kids so I have some experience in this area. I think Dr. Phil was irrisponsible for making that statement that stress during pregnancy can affect the baby. I have done a lot of reading on that and the conclution? There is not evidence to support this. Show me a scientific study- there is none. I think that was a guilt inducing statement he made and it really dissapointed me he made it. I saw that segment of the show and I was shocked. When I was pregnant with my first baby, here is the stress I was under:
I had only been married 5 months when I got pregnant. During the pregnancy I moved 500 miles from home, hated the new area. Bought a house, started graduate school. Oh and yeah my husband just finished up his medial training and was starting a practice so was never around and I did not know a soul. the result of the pregnancy?? The most amazing baby- he is now 6, read at age 4, is VERY smart, always way ahead in development and the light of my life (well he shares this honor with his younger brother and sister).
If the time is right for you and your husband go for it. I would NOT put any weight in that statement Dr. Phil made. I read in one of my husbands medical journals an editorial on the best time to have a baby- the conclution was that if you waited for the best time you would never have a child. Think about it, half the graduates from medical school today are women. Of course many many of these women are having babies. So when are they NOT under stress!!
It looks like you are asking advice here and my best advice, follow your heart. IF you are financially capable of supporting the baby follow what is in your and your husbands heart and the rest will workout.
Marci
I had only been married 5 months when I got pregnant. During the pregnancy I moved 500 miles from home, hated the new area. Bought a house, started graduate school. Oh and yeah my husband just finished up his medial training and was starting a practice so was never around and I did not know a soul. the result of the pregnancy?? The most amazing baby- he is now 6, read at age 4, is VERY smart, always way ahead in development and the light of my life (well he shares this honor with his younger brother and sister).
If the time is right for you and your husband go for it. I would NOT put any weight in that statement Dr. Phil made. I read in one of my husbands medical journals an editorial on the best time to have a baby- the conclution was that if you waited for the best time you would never have a child. Think about it, half the graduates from medical school today are women. Of course many many of these women are having babies. So when are they NOT under stress!!
It looks like you are asking advice here and my best advice, follow your heart. IF you are financially capable of supporting the baby follow what is in your and your husbands heart and the rest will workout.
Marci
Hi Jaypea,
I talked to my husband last night about the Dr. phil thing and how I was disspointed he was telling the woman about stress during pregnancy and it could be her fault and he was appalled (my DH is a physician) and he told me he has NEVER heard that before either. I do think the reason her child is so uptight is the way she is rasing the child and she is uptight but I don't think it can be blamed on the pregnancy.
Keep us updated and I'm betting one day soon we will hear some happy news from you
Marci
I talked to my husband last night about the Dr. phil thing and how I was disspointed he was telling the woman about stress during pregnancy and it could be her fault and he was appalled (my DH is a physician) and he told me he has NEVER heard that before either. I do think the reason her child is so uptight is the way she is rasing the child and she is uptight but I don't think it can be blamed on the pregnancy.
Keep us updated and I'm betting one day soon we will hear some happy news from you
Marci
Thanks again for your kind words! I talked to my sister and her two friends lastnight about that too (they are all dermatologists....but did have reg. med. training too, and 2 of them were pregnant during their fellowships), and they also said that they never heard of that! I will keep you posted.
I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have a baby and if you wait for the perfect time, it'll probably never come.
I have two kids (contemplating # 3) and with each of my pregnancies I thought I was nuts for being pregnant when I was. With my first, I had just opened a business that really required me to be involved in every decision made and to travel alot. With my second, my husband was in the middle of a career change and taking a huge pay cut, and I couldn't imagine that here I was pregnant and practically broke!
Things always work out for the best. When you're ready to have a baby, you'll know it. Every baby you see, you'll want. Every pregnant woman you see, you'll feel a little jealous. If you're at that point, go for it!
I have two kids (contemplating # 3) and with each of my pregnancies I thought I was nuts for being pregnant when I was. With my first, I had just opened a business that really required me to be involved in every decision made and to travel alot. With my second, my husband was in the middle of a career change and taking a huge pay cut, and I couldn't imagine that here I was pregnant and practically broke!
Things always work out for the best. When you're ready to have a baby, you'll know it. Every baby you see, you'll want. Every pregnant woman you see, you'll feel a little jealous. If you're at that point, go for it!
GonnaBeFirm
Member
Hi There -
I agree with the others -- it was very irresponsible for Dr. Phil to make such a sweeping statement. That being said, I've seen a few studies that do link EXTREME stress during pregnancy to some problems. In the studies that I've read the stressor is the death of an older child -- and one study involved the death of a spouse or the pregnant mother's parents. These are not typical stressors. The problems that these extreme stressors have been linked to are premature labor, some congenital birth defects (if the stress occurs during the first trimester); some emotional/developmental problems (if the stress occurs in the 2nd or 3rd trimester). Here's a link to one of the studies:
http://www.chennaionline.com/health/pregnancy/congenital.asp
I am the mother of two - my second baby was born just this past December. My husband and I waited until we'd been married for 5 years before we tried to get pregnant. For us, the thing that made us feel "ready" (but not really ready -- you never really are) is buying a house. Somehow that made a big impact on us.
On a side note, I had also read that it takes an average of 6 months for a healthy woman of my age to get pregnant -- so I was expecting at least a few months of trying and getting used to the idea. So, of course, we got pregnant the first month of trying!! So be prepared if you decide to "see what happens" -- you may be in for a surprise!
After I had my first baby, I was sooo thrilled that I couldn't wait for another. I felt a little sad that I had waited so long to start. Now that I have two, I'm thinking of having a 3rd -- something I had never considered before.
Jennifer
I agree with the others -- it was very irresponsible for Dr. Phil to make such a sweeping statement. That being said, I've seen a few studies that do link EXTREME stress during pregnancy to some problems. In the studies that I've read the stressor is the death of an older child -- and one study involved the death of a spouse or the pregnant mother's parents. These are not typical stressors. The problems that these extreme stressors have been linked to are premature labor, some congenital birth defects (if the stress occurs during the first trimester); some emotional/developmental problems (if the stress occurs in the 2nd or 3rd trimester). Here's a link to one of the studies:
http://www.chennaionline.com/health/pregnancy/congenital.asp
I am the mother of two - my second baby was born just this past December. My husband and I waited until we'd been married for 5 years before we tried to get pregnant. For us, the thing that made us feel "ready" (but not really ready -- you never really are) is buying a house. Somehow that made a big impact on us.
On a side note, I had also read that it takes an average of 6 months for a healthy woman of my age to get pregnant -- so I was expecting at least a few months of trying and getting used to the idea. So, of course, we got pregnant the first month of trying!! So be prepared if you decide to "see what happens" -- you may be in for a surprise!
After I had my first baby, I was sooo thrilled that I couldn't wait for another. I felt a little sad that I had waited so long to start. Now that I have two, I'm thinking of having a 3rd -- something I had never considered before.
Jennifer
miller2917
Cathlete
Hi there,
I am 34 and 14 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were in the same boat as you. We'd always talk about it and then decide we weren't ready. We'd say we'll try in March and then March came and we'd say how about September and then September would come, etc. etc. After about 4-5 times doing that we finally just did it even though we still weren't sure. Once you find out,you have these feelings of joy, fear and regret all at the same time. Fear of letting your old, care-free life go and joy and anticipation of what's to come. We still look at each other and say, "Well, it's too late now to change our minds - we're having a baby." I know we will be overjoyed once that baby is born though.
We did decide we needed to get some travel in before we made the decision to start trying. I feel like it was the best decision we ever made. Over the last year and half we went to Japan, Italy and France and numerous other little trips in the US. I am so happy we did that. Yes, we spent money that we probably should have been saving but the experiences were well worth it. Once you have a baby, it'll be a lot harder to make those plans.
Good luck in your decision making process. As for stress on the baby, I worry about that too. I know when I am really stressed out I get a cold so I am sure stress has some affect on a baby.
Take care
I am 34 and 14 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were in the same boat as you. We'd always talk about it and then decide we weren't ready. We'd say we'll try in March and then March came and we'd say how about September and then September would come, etc. etc. After about 4-5 times doing that we finally just did it even though we still weren't sure. Once you find out,you have these feelings of joy, fear and regret all at the same time. Fear of letting your old, care-free life go and joy and anticipation of what's to come. We still look at each other and say, "Well, it's too late now to change our minds - we're having a baby." I know we will be overjoyed once that baby is born though.
We did decide we needed to get some travel in before we made the decision to start trying. I feel like it was the best decision we ever made. Over the last year and half we went to Japan, Italy and France and numerous other little trips in the US. I am so happy we did that. Yes, we spent money that we probably should have been saving but the experiences were well worth it. Once you have a baby, it'll be a lot harder to make those plans.
Good luck in your decision making process. As for stress on the baby, I worry about that too. I know when I am really stressed out I get a cold so I am sure stress has some affect on a baby.
Take care