Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help.

rjroubi

rjroubi

Cathlete
My extended family is very close and my young cousin who is 37 yrs old is going to have a radical mastectomy this coming Thursday. Hopefully, the cancer has not spread throughout her entire body. Every time I sit down to write her....my heart drops and I really just don't know what to say or how to say it. I've never been a prolific writer by any stretch of the imagination, but I know can't phathom what she is thinking or feeling at this moment to write the proper note. Does anyone have any ideas to get me through this mental block? I know my cousin could really use a letter from me and I want to send it with all my heart.

Robin

P.S. I absolutely hate running. but I even think I will be signing up to run for her in the "Komen Race for the Cure" on October 15th in Dallas, TX. I just have to double check my work schedule to make sure I'm off and can do the run.

P.P.S. October is breat cancer awareness month....get your mammograms. Gawd, I am so guilty of not having one in 5 years (my terrible poor excuse was always there isn't breast cancer in my family and I don't have the time..I won't be doing that anymore. I am making my appointment today!!
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

Robin...I'm so sorry to hear about what your cousin is going thru. I think you write very well and I think if you just tell her what is in your heart, it will comfort her. I don't think we need "fancy" words especially for someone we love dearly. Maybe even a phone call will work better for you? I just think people understand that sometimes the right words are just hard to find. Just tell her that when you write/talk. Does that make sense? I think it's wonderful that you have such a caring heart to want to do it right. Please keep us posted and just to let you know...I get my mammogram every year even though we don't have breast cancer in my family history. Go get yours! :7 Also, let us know how you do in the "Race 4 the Cure". GOOD LUCK!
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie")http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

Robin,
I am sorry your cousin is going through this. I agree with Debbie that you express yourself well through writing. I don't think there are right words. The only "don't" that I see and hear people state is "I know how you feel", "I know exactly how you feel", etc. and you have already stated you have no idea how she feels. Just let her know you are thinking of her and love her. My own health has never been at risk, but I do know that in difficult times the kind, loving words of my family and friends got me through those times.

About mammograms... I tell my family, friends, and clients who use no family history of breast cancer to avoid health screening "for their to be a family history someone has to be the first in the family to start the history, what if it is YOU?". Please get your mammograms!!!! :)
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

Robin,

So sorry to hear about your cousin :( I agree, fancy words are not needed, just write from the heart and she will hear you. Maybe acknowledge that you *don't* know what she is going through but that you are still there for her to talk to, day or night. If she has helped you through something difficult in the past, mention that and how it helped and how you hope she will let you return the favor. Also, if you have a special or fun memory about the two of you (from childhood or wahatever) you might mention that too. Just a few thoughts.

Sparrow

__________________
www.scifichics.com
 
Robin, I agree with the rest. Just communicate to your cousin that you love her.---Just being there is enough. I think running that race is a wonderful thing--let your cousin know that she has inspired you to enter--then go get that mammogram!;)

My prayers are with your cousin and her family. Please keep us posted.

Michele
 
Just take the time to write. It doesn't matter what you say at all, your support will mean more than any words. This is sad situation, my mother went through the same procedure. Just let her know you are there and that this is something just the right size for your shoulder. Stay with her emotionally, alot of people in her life will disappear, especially when they see what she has to deal with on her road with this disease. Let her know you are going to be there through the hard days as well as the good.

I know I am rambling, but what you are doing is the absolute best medicine she could ever hope to receive.

My prayers go to you and your cousin.

God Bless.
 
So sorry to hear of your cousin's diagnosis!! I'm sitting right here at work right now, and i work in radiation oncology. I am a registered nurse here and see breast cancer patients more often than any other cancer patients. It's hard to know what to say, but believe me, just knowing you care and support her is what she needs the most. Go out and get your pink ribbon shirt, magnets, socks etc... proceeds from those sales usually goes to breast cancer research. Sign up for the walks for cancer.... ask her to walk with you.

Radical mastectomies are rare now-a-days, usually a biopsy w/ radiation treatment is much less life altering. Mastectomies come with the risk for lymphedema and more. Even if this is her only choice, encourage her to ask for the reconstruction. They do it all at once, put the implant in during the mastectomy and the patient wakes with a new breast. For a 37 yr old, much less damaging to the self esteem.

Is her cancer progressed that far???

God bless, and let her know our prayers are with her.

Wendy
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

You guys are wonderful!! I still didn't get the courage to write that letter yet, but I did send her lovely earrings with a small note. The proceeds from the earrings (elisailana.com) will directly benefit breast cancer awareness. I really wanted to send her the bracelet, but I didn't know her wrist size. I thought when she gets out of surgery and heals a little, she might want to wear something pretty to cheer her up. I should know more by next week as to how the surgery went and if the cancer spread. Thanks so much again for all your help!!

Robin
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

Awww Robin! Those earrings will speak 1,000 words! What a nice gesture. I just bought the bracelet last week for myself.:7 Do you live close enough to maybe help out later with groceries, cleaning, prescriptions or whatever? That might be a great way to help. Of course, if you are distant, that wouldn't be possible. The earrings are a nice thought. She'll be thrilled to get them. Please DO keep us informed on how she is doing.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie")http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

My Cuz, Debbie (37 yrs old), just came out of surgery...they took out one breast and 14 lymph nodes...it doesn't look like they had to remove the muscle or the other breast. We are not sure how far the cancer has spread, yet. It really was more extensive then they originally thought which is not good. I'm begging for information. Does anyone know about breast reparation?...Please, really feel free to e-mail me privately. I would sincerely appreciate it....for Debbie. She is going to call me in the next few days for answers and I hope to be the best cousin ever!

Robin
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

I just can't thank you guys enoungh for getting me through this....and each of your notes has so much valuable wisedom I know will use. I can write it a all down now but that will take time from Debbie. I promise to share it with you later.

Robin
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

Robin, is there any more news?

I'm late joining this thread, but just wanted to send you and your cousin my prayers and a (((hug))), and to tell you that I agree with my pal Debbie H. that you will do this (and are already doing this) exactly right. I can guarantee you that your cousin feels the love and concern for her that you feel, and your genuine desire to do anything you can do to help or support her.

Take care and please keep us updated.

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-003.gif Kathy S. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-001.gif
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

If you speak from your heart you can never go wrong... It really isn't what people say but that they are there and sending hugs, love prayers, thoughts whatever.

She is fortunate to have you there.

My thoughts, prayers are with both of you.

- Robyn
 
Robin,

Just knowing that you care and are thinking of her will be help to your cousin. What a horrible experience for your family to have to go through. We don't appreciate our health until it is swept out from underneath us. I have many dear friends (no family members as of yet)
who have battled breast cancer, and I am in constant awe of their courage and inspiration! It is always hard to find the words to express what we feel, especially when we do not know what the other person is going through. I find just telling them that is freeing. It lightens the load to "find" the right words to say. There sometimes aren't any. We just need to be there for them and love them. If you live closeby, meals and help with errands will be priceless to her. We all have trouble asking for help, but when we need it, it is so awesome to receive! I will pray for your cousin. What is her name?
 
RE: Radical Mastectomy...Help me find the words to help...

Hi Guys,
I promised to keep you all imformed, my cousin Debbie is doing well. She did not have any type of implant or reconstructruction done yet because the cancer was so extensive. The good news is she is somewhate healthy now:) .She is now deciding on her operating options tomorrow in reference to implants verses major fat and muscle reconstruction. I am so in favor of implants...but I am afraid from what I hear from my Aunt and her mother she wants the more natural route of her own body fat and muscle which is so much more extensive a surgery for her now. She wants all surgeries done now and forever!!(her opionion right now) I think she will tell me on the phone that the implants will have to be replaced in 5 years when I talk to her tomorrow (and I know she is right) but this other surgery she is thinking of is so much more extensive(heck, why does she think it is so natural??)....what can I tell her???

I will be calling her tomorrow ...please feel free to e-mail me privately if you would like. It would be really appreciately. I would love to hear from someone who has been through this and could offer advise.

Robin

PS. My mammogram is next Thursday at 2:00 when is this Thursday:) .
 
I spoke to Debbie today and she is doing well. She is trying to decide which type of breast reconstructive surgery to do. I thought the less invasive implant procedure might be best...her doctor has talked to her about a more permanent but invasive procedure where fat and muscle is transpanted to the breast is an option (heck, almost 3 months recovery). She is thinking it is natural, where she doesn't have to return in 5 or 10 years to "trade them in," but heck!! Anyone know about this?

Robin
 
RObin:

Let me say I really feel for your cousin.

My mother was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer when she was 37 yo (she is now 57 and I am 38). She had a double mastectomy, radiation and chemotherapy. She survived and she now feels that everyday she has seen since then is a gift. She had silicon breast implants, but not until a few years after chemotherapy. She wanted to wait until she was sure there wasnt going to be a reoccurance. She opted against the more permanent procedure only because the insurance wouldnt pay for it at the time she needed something done.

Anyway, back to your original question about what to say to someone diagnosed with breast cancer. Personally, I feel that there is nothing better than telling that person you are there to listen anytime she needs to talk, or to help with even the easiest of chores if and when she needs it. I think the biggest fear for my mom was that nobody would be there to listen or to help her. And in fact, most of her friends and relatives did abandon her when they found out she had cancer. The few that stayed around to help are now her closest friends and relatives.

You may email me directly anytime if you need any other help.

Suzanne
 
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