Question on good relationships.......

[divagirl]

I've been dating a guy the last month which is going good. We met through a friend so we've been friendly for 6 months or so. I kind of feel like we are comfortable and missing that whole consumed with each other phase. Not sure if we will enter that or not at any point. One of my friends has been dating a guy for 2 months now and they are inseparable and crazy consumed with one another. Is a great relationship in direct correlation to how in love you are with one another...do you need that phase?

Tina

 

[Jennifit]

IMHO, a great relationship is one in which in which you do not need the other person at all for your life to be great. But, rather it is one in which spending time and love with the other person adds to the fun and thrill of life. The moment you NEED someone or something is the moment when it becomes unhealthy. If you can live without them, but love having them around (and choose to be around them) - it is all good. Also, it is so important that you can TOTALLY be yourself and still feel accepted and loved by the other. (and v/v)
Love should feel safe and good. The length of time doesn't matter.

 

[divagirl]

My friend has always been unhappy not being in a relationship and needs it to feel complete. I am happy either way really and never want to give up my connections with everyone else in my life. I have fun with the guy I'm dating but I don't feel like I think about him all the time and live for the moment we can see each other. I don't feel that craziness just an interest in seeing him of course and I have fun when we are together. I think I just feel like maybe its missing something that should be there. I have been in that crazy in love phase before. I don't know...maybe I'm too old for it or too realistic...haha.

 

[smartyjonesc2s]

i think each relationship is different, and not everyone experiences things the same way. sometimes those relationships that start off with that crazy love kinda thing fizzle out quickly anyway. if it feels right to you and makes you happy then go with it. don't try to compare your relationships with someone else's or you might always feel like something is missing. as long as you enjoy the relationship and feel that it enhances your life, it is a good thing. i have been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and we never had that crazy love kinda thing either, but he is my prince charming and i know that we were meant to be together. i say go for it and enjoy the good times.

 

[andtckrtoo]

Or maybe you just trust him and trust yourself enough to feel secure in being without him. I sometimes think that all consuming phase is more a way to keep an eye on each other to see if you can trust the other person.

 

[candi]

We all have different needs in a relationship.

 

[red_mct]

Hmm, I don't know, I think it depends on lots of things: the two people involved, where they are in their lives, what else is going on. My SO and I are together nearly four years and are still in the "crazy, consumed-with-each-other" phase. That doesn't mean we can't live without each other or that either of us is a needy person (please, our problem is that I'm so super-independent it is really hard for me to find a groove with a permanent relationship)... it just means that our approach to each other is aboveall passionate. I've been in relationships where the passion was missing and for me that spelled doom. But I definitely don't think this is a requirement. Like someone else said, every relationship is different, just like every person is different.

Marie