Question about shower gift for tomorrow

[BAM]

My mother and I are going to a shower tomorrow. We both are a bit financially challenged at the moment. My friend getting married is in her early 60's and she's been married before. I've known her for over 10 years. When we went to her bridal registry, we bought gifts for the wedding as well so we could have a good selection to choose from. We bought all of her gifts on sale (a good thing) and we're trying to figure out how much to give from the 2 of us for the shower, which is in someone's home, and how much for the wedding, in which there will be a 3rd person attending. Do you calculate the value of the gift based on the original price or the sale price that you got it for? I certainly do not want to be cheap but I have to think about our financial situation. If I base the gifts on the full price, then I will give her one set of gifts but if I should base it on what I actually paid, then I would give her something more. I hope this is not too confusing but I could use some help on this as I'm trying to wrap the presents today.

Thanks very much!

Bam

 

[morningstar]

She's not going to know you got a deal on the gift or how much you paid. If you think it's the right gift for her and it fits in your budget, give it to her and don't worry about how much you saved.

 

[chefkate]

She's not going to know you got a deal on the gift or how much you paid. If you think it's the right gift for her and it fits in your budget, give it to her and don't worry about how much you saved.

this is my vote too!

 

[BAM]

Thanks ladies! I hate having to figure out costs, i.e. if the original price is $50 and you got if for $35 and there's 2 people going to the shower, is that enough. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way but I am but I'll smack myself out of it!

Thanks again!

Bam

 

[maddiesmum]

I agree with above posters, totally.

In addition, gifts at weddings tend to be impersonal: dropped on a collective table, opened after the honeymoon, things bought for the home, etc.

Gifts taken to a shower are more personal: opened then and there by the bride and she knows exactly what she is getting from whom.

That said, gifts are not compulsory ever. I have had to go to weddings without a gift at all because I can't afford to pay my family's bills each month. You cannot go into debt in order to get a gift for everyone that screams "I spent a whole load on this!" You already bought a great gift for your friend, and that's wonderful.

What would be a nice touch now is turning up to the shower with a little something for the bride, something personal. Some flowers? A nice bottle of wine? An elaborate dessert or cake that can be shared at the shower? Are you creative? Do you bake, make confectionary? Some hand made chocolates or truffles in a lovely, home decorated box, would be ideal. Do you paint? Do needlepoint? Can you needlepoint her a cushion? or wall hanging? Are you a ceramicist?

You do not need to by another gift. Consider making a small offering for the shower to take with you, to avoid that "arriving empty-handed" feeling. How does that sound?

Clare

 

[BAM]

I agree with above posters, totally.

In addition, gifts at weddings tend to be impersonal: dropped on a collective table, opened after the honeymoon, things bought for the home, etc.

Gifts taken to a shower are more personal: opened then and there by the bride and she knows exactly what she is getting from whom.

That said, gifts are not compulsory ever. I have had to go to weddings without a gift at all because I can't afford to pay my family's bills each month. You cannot go into debt in order to get a gift for everyone that screams "I spent a whole load on this!" You already bought a great gift for your friend, and that's wonderful.

What would be a nice touch now is turning up to the shower with a little something for the bride, something personal. Some flowers? A nice bottle of wine? An elaborate dessert or cake that can be shared at the shower? Are you creative? Do you bake, make confectionary? Some hand made chocolates or truffles in a lovely, home decorated box, would be ideal. Do you paint? Do needlepoint? Can you needlepoint her a cushion? or wall hanging? Are you a ceramicist?

You do not need to by another gift. Consider making a small offering for the shower to take with you, to avoid that "arriving empty-handed" feeling. How does that sound?

Clare

Clare, you've given some wonderful suggestions and if I had an ounce of creativity in me, I could use some some of your artisitic suggestions. I've always laughed at myself at my lack of homemade skills. If someone asks me to make something for a party, I say that as long as I can buy it, I can bring it! I do like your other suggestions that fit into my abilities such as the flowers, dessert, wine, etc. It's nice to know that others understand what I'm experiencing. My mother is feeling more of an obligation than myself but I'll work on that. Hmmm, I don't know. Can you do that with a mother???

Thanks again.

Bam

 

[RunninTeach]

Thanks ladies! I hate having to figure out costs, i.e. if the original price is $50 and you got if for $35 and there's 2 people going to the shower, is that enough. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way but I am but I'll smack myself out of it!

Thanks again!

Bam

Let me preface this by saying, I am very much anti-bridal shower. I don't see a purpose in it except to collect more gifts from people, and frankly, I'd rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails than play one more game of bridal bingo. Anyway, I know the shower in question has passed, but I say, if the value of the item is $50 on the registry (and that is what you feel is appropriate to give), then it doesn't matter if it was on sale. I don't know what the standard is, but I tend to spend $25-30 on friends, $50-75 for a family member or close friend, so a gift worth $50 from two people is, IMO, a fully appropriate shower gift.

 

[trixie108]

Slightly OT, but why would she even have another bridal shower, if she's already been married before?? I thought the point was to get the bride things she needs around the house. You don't have a baby shower for a second baby, right? Why would you have one for a second (or third?) marriage? That just seems silly to me. JMHO.

 

[GraceNote]

If I'm in my 60's and getting married a second time, I'm throwing MYSELF a shower! It's such a wonderful reason to celebrate, especially with friends and family. I know too many people who are younger than that and already cynical about the whole idea of finding love... I'd definitely want to spread the joy as far as possible.

 

[BAM]

Let me preface this by saying, I am very much anti-bridal shower. I don't see a purpose in it except to collect more gifts from people, and frankly, I'd rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails than play one more game of bridal bingo. Anyway, I know the shower in question has passed, but I say, if the value of the item is $50 on the registry (and that is what you feel is appropriate to give), then it doesn't matter if it was on sale. I don't know what the standard is, but I tend to spend $25-30 on friends, $50-75 for a family member or close friend, so a gift worth $50 from two people is, IMO, a fully appropriate shower gift.

Oh man, you would have needed those bamboo shoots then at this shower. Although it wasn't bridal bingo, there were a couple of other guessing games i.e. what kitchen item is in the bag . Yikes, I still would have preferred the games!

Bam

 

[BAM]

The shower was quite nice and, as with everything, it all works out. She never had a bridal shower in the past so she was happy to have this one. Her future sister-in-law wanted to throw it for her. She's moving into a new place with her husband-to-be so having new and matching items really is a nice thing to have. At least I have a better idea as to what to do for the wedding.

Thanks everyone!

Bam