Personal Space Issues

STAY AWAY from this kid!

If he's got a crush on you, is bigger than you and used to having his way, you risk more than having a bit of "casual" contact from him. I can understand your concern for his situation, but don't jeoparize your own safety because you want to "save" him from a less than perfect home life. I'll just be blunt here. He's an under-aged teenage boy who is bigger than you and could rape you if he wanted to. He could then say YOU made a pass at him and seduced him. If he's 15 that is statutory rape in most states.

Perhaps it is innocent flirting on his part, perhaps not. Err on the side of your own safety here. Find somewhere else to shop and don't bring him any more pizzas either. If you have tea with his mother, meet her at a restaurant. Under no circumstances should you ever be alone with that kid. EVER.
 
I'm going to look at it in a different perspective but I do agree with everyone else posted. There's a HUGE possibility he thinks YOU like him. You said you joke around with him, bring him pizza when his mother is away, you go to the same place where he works, etc....To a 15 yrs old boy, that is a crush on him. He's like "Hey, that chick is paying attention to me...She must like me!" I know you feel sorry for the kid because of his father and want to be nice and helpful but I would stay far away from him. Go to a different store, etc or there will be trouble for both of you. I'd stop going over to the house to see the mother as well or go over to the house when the son is not there or ask the mom to meet you at a place. Also, he might see you as a mother he's "never had" since you wouldn't put up with that kind of crap he does to his mother. His mother sounds like a gutless wonder and you have the guts. I don't know him and I've never seen the situation. I only know what you wrote on the board. Men and women have different perspective. If a woman looks at a guy or says hello, men take it as flirting most of the time even though the woman is just being polite. Just don't even bother with them. Listen to your gut instincts. They're 99% right. I know you didn't do anything wrong either.

Lisa
 
>I'm feeling slightly better. I love some of your suggestions
>esp. Timber99 "I backed up for a reason!" I love it! I'm
>going to use that one more than just in this circumstance.
>



You ilked that, huh!? I use this one slightly more often that one would expect I would have to when dealing with adults! :eek:

You may have just hit the nail on the head with your thoughts. You may be the only woman in his life that tells him like it is and therefore, the only woman that he respects...which may even draw him to you.

You've thought enough about it so don't make yourself crazy. There are many ways to explain and he probably didn't mean to offend you or wouldn't do any of it if he knew that you were uncomfortable. Just give him little hints along the way that he needs to back off a bit and I think you will be fine.

Good luck & glad you are feeling better about it!

Christine :)
 
Ouch Lisa - I never thought of that. You do make a good point though because he is a celebrated athlete and his mother is currently spineless - he is used to getting whatever he pleases. Yikes!!! Warning has been taken to heart!

Interestly enough I talked with my dh last night and he brought up the issue of perhaps this kid thinks I like him! He said the boy already figures all the girls are after him; it would only be natural for him to assume that of course all the women want him too! He had noticed that the boy seems extremely comfortable around me. I was grossed out. Nasty, nasty, nasty!

In light of that I feel I must explain the pizza delivery. I did it as a favor to his mother. She called me because I dog sit and her dog was booked in for a couple days. She was in tears when she called because her dog had snuck out the door while she was packing her stuff, she had spent time looking for him and now was going to be late for her seminar and she hadn't any time to leave any food for her ds. I told her I'd go by and look for her dog (who was sitting at the house door when I got there) and pick up some pizza for her ds. So I really did it as a favor for her - this is actually what started our friendship. But I can see this all getting warped in the boy's mind. This is too gross. I'm looking for that hole to crawl in again.

Trish
 
Hi Trish,
I tried to PM you but you disabled your contact and info. but I wanted to say I didn't post this to put you down or anything. FAR, FAR from it. I'm from a family of mostly guys so I see it on hand what goes through their little heads. The BEST person for you to talk to to get a perspective is your DH. After all, he's a guy and he knows what guys are thinking just as we women know what other women are thinking. You are a very nice and fiesty and I love reading your posts. You crack me up at times. :)

Try not to think about your situation too much. It happens all of the time. If a younger guy hit on me, I feel sick as I don't care for guys younger than me. Never did. It is flattering and disgusting at the same time but I would not make a big of a deal about it.

Your pizza story is something I sort of figured. If a guy is an egomaniac like he is, ignore him. Talking to him, joking with him, etc...is just gonna fuel his fire some more.

If you want to talk or vent some more, let me know. I can give you my email.

Lisa
 
Caution Ahead: Guy Reply

It's a crush. He has no challenge with the girls in his age group or his Mom for that fact. So he's stretching his limits.

Probably thinks, I'll be a real stud if I can hit on "Trish" and hey all the guys at school are talking that older women are easy because they are ignored by their husbands ( I mean hey watch TV!). So I'll hit on her and have her eating out of my hand because I'm God's gift to the female sex. (This is kind of the way I thought when I was 15, hey that was a lifetime ago) I work with teenage boys and I laugh to myself when I hear some of the crap they lay on each other.

Infatuation will run it's course if you don't feed it. If you want to really spook yourself, imagine what he's thinking when you're not around.

I'm a mean spirited person at times, if I were you I'd probably play up to it and crush the kid. Let him get his first lesson about being macho. He's big but probably not in the thinking department. Have him mowing your lawn, washing your car etc etc. Then sometime when your husband is around and the punk is, be real attached to your husband and just totally ignore the punk.

Dave
 
I think it would be funny and great to see him fall on his a$$, but what about safety? Don't you think that something like this could make him and angry and that he could possibly hurt her? I know that my DH would probably say the same thing you did, but how safe is it?
 
I know this is going to sound extreme but if I were worried about a large "horny" teenager I would be buying some pepperspray or pepperfoam, "taser", .357 Magnum something along those lines

I have a 16yo daughter who dates, a couple of the dates towered above me, but my rep precedes our introduction. I've worked with the Scouts, substituted as a teacher in school and teach hunting/bowhunting for Fish and Game. If someone hurt my "baby" they would contend with me or her twin brother the karate expert.

Age and treachery will beat youth and speed, the secret is in hiding the bodies.

Dave
 
Trish, my first question to you is where do you live?

Anyway, I had a similar experiance. My good friend had a pool party last year , then had a Baby shower for her daughter & both times her son asked about me. Look. I am so being rational. Surely it is nothing but hormones. Just look back at your own adolescent years. I never had a boy as a son , so maybe I am terribly wrong, but somehow I can still remember my teen age years & all my feelings. Don't you?

You are an adult. Don't be embarrassed. Don't feel ashamed. You never did anything wrong. I just hope you also let that poor kid know, he shouldn't be ashamed either. God-given hormones aren't bad either. Sometimes, it takes us a while to figure that out. But don't fret. You and anyone else in the picture should push him towards real, potential girlfriends.

Marla
 
So sounds like things have gotten confused (mixed messages) for what ever reasons.

Now the older woman is all the rage - so it's very possible to see how he has the infatuation. Sounds like he has taken things the wrong way and hopefully lack of attention will work, if not maybe a talk... good luck.

Dave I gotta disagree with your narrow view of the world - again.
 
which view in particular? No argument here, but I seem to be the only person explaining the male perspective on the thread.

The "older woman" has been an infatuation for adolescent boys since I was an adolescent, movies have been made, books written now even rock videos.

Dave
 
Robyn,

I should probably let this go but it always troubles me when someone calls me "narrow minded". I tried PM ing you but your email apparently isn't up to date because it bounced.

Am I narrow minded only because I have said something disagreeable to you? That's a pretty open minded philosophy.

In an open forum lot's of people disagree, can we try to respect each other?

I don't want to have a personal issue with you in an open forum, I would be willing to discuss this politely, privately.

Dave
 
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