Overwhelmed - sorry to whinge like this

[Fitnik]

I feel so overwhelmed right now I don't know where to start. My husband and I are trying to get pg and I know all this additional stress isn't helping. We both have incredibly demanding jobs which pay well but have such erratic hours that time together is becoming more and more scarce. My father is visiting at the moment and, although he's not staying with us, has also brought his own unreasonable demands and expectations into our lives. The strain today in particular is unbearable - I'm expected to be a perfect wife, daughter, sister, friend and I cannot do it all. People just keep dumping all their problems and issues on me and I'm sick and tired of it. I have so many of my own concerns - when I get pregnant, how do I tell my employers? Maternity leave is pathetic in the Uk and you only get paid 90% of your salary for 6 weeks - I'm trying hard to save now for the 6 months I would like for my maternity but am not pregnant anyway so what's the point?

Do any of you ever feel as if so much is expected of you just because you are a woman? I am at my wit's end and have hardly any energy for myself and my husband because of these constant demands.

I'm so sorry to whinge about this but have found this forum to be so supportive and really wanted an objective view.

Fitnik

 

[DebbieH]

Hi Fitnik!

I don't really have any solutions for you but it does seem like everything happens at once at times. It seems like suddenly things are sooo stressful you feel like you'll never be normal again, but eventually (& hopefully SOON in your case) it will return to normal. I think sometimes you have to learn to say NO! That is something I am bad at also. If things are getting to you so bad just sit and make a list of what you WANT to do for a day or two and DO IT! Don't waiver those two days. Who ever is upset with you, will get over it! I know I haven't been much help but know we are thinking of you at this time. Keep us posted and hang in there!

Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH http://www.plaudersmilies.de/wavey.gif If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!

 

[Michelle in So Cal]

hi Fitnik! Like Debbie, I, unfortunately don't have any real solution for you. But I agree with her 100%: say NO! Put YOURSELF and your husband and your child-to-be FIRST. So many couples struggle with conception, and once they elimintate a major stress factor (or factors) from their lives, things flow naturally. The stress isn't good for you, whether you are trying to conceive or not.

Figure out your main goals (getting pregnant), and do everything in your power to make them happen (i.e., commit to only what you feel comfortable doing, be yourself, make time for you and your husband to be together, and save as much money as possible to put your mind at ease).

As far as the money thing goes, my hub and I quit our well-paying jobs a few years back, moved 400 miles away, and started our own business with no savings at all. Times were tough the first year, but now we are able to do fun things like coach our son's sports teams and be there for him when he comes home from school. And my baby on the way will not have to go off to day care, as either my hub or I can take care of her. It is a WONDERFUL feeling. It's not to say that having more money wasn't fun and convenient, but the trade-off is well worth it, in my opinion.

You sound really overwhelmed right now, so scale back as best you can, and just see how things come out. I wish you luck, and please keep us posted!

Michelle in So Cal
due 1/6/02

 

[Fitnik]

Thanks guys

Thank you so much for the support - wasn't really looking for a solution just some emotional support really and you both really helped - I feel much better today simply for saying "no" - plus I'm a day late (and you can set a watch by me!) and may be pg ! We'll be ecstatic if I am but if not I know it will happen and I honestly will not be disappointed - I have a DH who adores me and a happy marriage - we've only been trying a month so I'm being my usual impatient self !

Thanks again !

 

[Michelle in So Cal]

RE: Thanks guys

Hi again, Fitnik! WHOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO! I'm sending preg vibes your way... I, also, was VERY VERY REGULAR, and when I was a day late, I knew. And I was!

Can't wait to hear the good word!

Michelle in So Cal
due 1/6/02