Out of Control: does this ever happen to you?

nancy324

nancy324

Cathlete
I've been stressed out lately, and it's been manifesting itself in various ways. Last night I got home late and tired. I looked around the apartment and suddenly felt that there was too much "stuff" everywhere. I had this sense that the stuff was closing in on me, and I had to take action. I started picking up stuff and throwing it away. I picked up some papers and SHOVED them into my DH's shredder. It was too much paper for the shredder, and the red light went on. But this time we couldn't get it to start again. DH took the shredder apart and announced that I had broken it permanently. I apologized, told him to go online and buy himself a new one with my credit card, and kept on purging! I was sooooo frantic and out of control. It was scary! Am I the only maniac here??
 
Nope. That's me too. When I get anxious, I purge. Throw things out. After my Mom passed away, my SO came home from work one day to find me in the house, laundry going, vacuum going, six huge bags of stuff all over the house that I was throwing out. I figure it's that or medication. At least this way I don't have a lot of clutter in my house:p
 
This happens to me on occasion...it's like the physical clutter becomes metaphoric to the mental/emotional clutter. If I can restore some order in the house I can calm myself down, feel more in control. I don't 'purge' much, more like condense the disorder...I'm a paper hoarder for some reason so I re-distribute piles, collate, recycle or hide it under the couch for another day;-) :+ When my house is organized and in order, I can breathe easier.

Take Care
Laurie:)
 
>This happens to me on occasion...it's like the physical
>clutter becomes metaphoric to the mental/emotional clutter.
>If I can restore some order in the house I can calm myself
>down, feel more in control. I don't 'purge' much, more like
>condense the disorder...I'm a paper hoarder for some reason so
>I re-distribute piles, collate, recycle or hide it under the
>couch for another day;-) :+ When my house is organized and
>in order, I can breathe easier.

Yes, Laurie! That's it exactly!! Thank you and Shelley. I feel a bit less insane now. :)
 
Oh yes!! I've had a full size construction dumpster put on my driveway twice. In my defense....I've lived in the same home 18 years. Things accumulate beyond the point a small trash can will not cure.

A total house purge!!! I asked myself, "If I had to pay to move this, would I?" If the answer was no, I threw it in the dumpster.
OMG, I filled the dumpster BOTH times.

I HATE clutter, mainly when I'm hormonal}(
 
You're certainly not the only maniac...I cut my hair short. I get claustrophobic when it's longer and it tangles up on my pillow when I try to sleep.

My current fantasy is living a monastic-type life where I have a small bed in a small room with a window, clean linens and fresh air. I tend a small garden during the day, perform various chores, take walks and quietly read at night. I eat simple, clean foods (much of which I've grown myself). Life is simple and I don't need much. - Of course, no room for my husband, kid or pets in this fantasy.

This just reinforces for me that material things, while enjoyable, also can be a burden. I look around my house and wonder where all this stuff came from. I rarely shop and give large amounts of my belongings away on a regular basis. This is the big mystery in my life. I prefer to travel lightly through life, so I understand your actions!
 
OH!!! I am not alone!!! Yeah :) I am the very same way. Any time I have stress, I feel the need to control things (more than normal). My dear, sweet, beloved cat of 19 1/2 years passed away a week ago this past Thursday. In order to not be a total mess, shedding tears 24/7, I cleaned. When I feel like things aren't great with my husband, I clean, When my mom had surgery, I cleaned. Etc, etc, etc. Then there are the times where I cannot identify what the deal is, but I look around at the house which I already keep clean and tidy, and have been on a "get rid of" kick for some time now, and I feel like I can't take it anymore and I need to do more. That happened to me yesterday. I want to get rid of furniture, clothes, shoes, papers, anything. I have no regard for the fact that I may need/want it down the line. I've never gotten rid of furniture on a whim yet - I just want to - but I will cram it up the attic stairs and store it there in case my husband wants it back down at some point. I live in the house he and his ex-wife shared. While that part does not bother me b/c I actually like her and have completely redone the house, it is not the house I would choose. I want a modern house, clean lines, as little as possible in it (except for my workout room }( ), and the fresh, clean air (which I'll never find here in Houston). I, too, have no room for husband, but my daughter (who just won the Random Act of Kindness award at her school!!), could come along as long as she learned to not be a packrat and didn't screw up my fantasy house with her stuff everywhere! It just seems like I would feel so alive - I'm with you on the garden (which I do my best with here but isn't much), the pure enjoyment of life, not stuff. And dusting would be so easy...

Thanks for posting this, and all of you for responding. Nice to know I'm not some crazy person in my head after all!
 
If you feel like all your stuff is closing in on you it IS. I worked 12-hour days, 6 days per week for years and was always too tired to do anything. Thanks to a crappy economy my overtime has been drastically cut back and I've made very good use of it, getting rid of tons of stuff. About three months ago I spent my entire 8-day vacation busting butt getting everything cleaned and never did get to the attic and basement, which had been my original intention. Last night I did 3 hours overtime (getting off at 1:30 am) and came home and cleaned and did laundry. I'm determined to NEVER let my house get our of control again and am actually kind of glad to have the "free" time now.

Oh, and the shredder thing. I have two identical shredders and spent nearly a whole day shredding documents while on vacation. Stuff had piled up... I'd run the first one until it overheated, then I'd run the second until IT overheated. By then, the first was cooled-down enough to use... I just kept toggling back and forth! I think A LOT of people are going to be doing A LOT of house cleaning now that gas prices are making going anywhere too expensive and everyone's having to learn to live on a tight budget. If you suddenly find yourself home a lot what else are you going to do? I'm kind of digging making such good use of my new found manic energy and my house is finally looking fabulous. Woo hoo.
 
>OH!!! I am not alone!!! Yeah :) I am the very same way.
>Any time I have stress, I feel the need to control things
>(more than normal). My dear, sweet, beloved cat of 19 1/2
>years passed away a week ago this past Thursday. In order to
>not be a total mess, shedding tears 24/7, I cleaned. When I
>feel like things aren't great with my husband, I clean, When
>my mom had surgery, I cleaned. Etc, etc, etc. Then there are
>the times where I cannot identify what the deal is, but I look
>around at the house which I already keep clean and tidy, and
>have been on a "get rid of" kick for some time now, and I feel
>like I can't take it anymore and I need to do more. That
>happened to me yesterday. I want to get rid of furniture,
>clothes, shoes, papers, anything. I have no regard for the
>fact that I may need/want it down the line. I've never gotten
>rid of furniture on a whim yet - I just want to - but I will
>cram it up the attic stairs and store it there in case my
>husband wants it back down at some point. I live in the house
>he and his ex-wife shared. While that part does not bother me
>b/c I actually like her and have completely redone the house,
>it is not the house I would choose. I want a modern house,
>clean lines, as little as possible in it (except for my
>workout room }( ), and the fresh, clean air (which I'll never
>find here in Houston). I, too, have no room for husband, but
>my daughter (who just won the Random Act of Kindness award at
>her school!!), could come along as long as she learned to not
>be a packrat and didn't screw up my fantasy house with her
>stuff everywhere! It just seems like I would feel so alive -
>I'm with you on the garden (which I do my best with here but
>isn't much), the pure enjoyment of life, not stuff. And
>dusting would be so easy...
>
>Thanks for posting this, and all of you for responding. Nice
>to know I'm not some crazy person in my head after all!

I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. It always amazes me how, no matter how much you're hurting, the dishes and laundry still have to get done. Like you say, it's probably good to have the distraction.
 
Thank you. It has been so hard. She was my constant companion for half of my life. I had her cremated and placed the box with her picture on top right in her favorite spot. My other cat will go and curl up with "her". How he knows, I have no idea. He never went to that spot when she was alive, nor after she died. When I brought her back home, he was scared of that spot the first day, but since will go right there and curl up. So sweet and so sad at the same time. And yes, I have been taking on any distraction I can find. I figure if I control my environment, I won't lose it emotionally. Still, many tears but every day gets better b/c I am go grateful for our many years together.
 
HAAAA! You are not the only one FancyNancy. If you recall, a while back we did not have running water for a few days. I decided the heaping pile of dishes had to go at that very moment. My SO, is such a wonderful peach of an ex hockey player humored me as I started to throw them out. The next day he bought replacements and fixed the water. He's so laid back, I really don't know how he tolerates me!
 
Nancy-I didn't take the time to read the replies yet (I'm in a hurry and just checking around before I head out the door), but you are NOT alone! Me?? I call it 'visual clutter'. If there's too much stuff laying around...ANYTHING at all, I get all frazzled and antsy and can't sit still. Laundry piling up, dishes in the sink (clean OR dirty), paperwork from school, the million pieces of Lego we have in the house...ANYTHING that is just laying around is visual clutter to me and I need to get it orderly, or else everything ELSE falls apart. When that frazzled feeling hits, and if I don't take care of it quickly, that is when I tend to binge in my eating and falter on my workouts.

Gayle
 
Nancy, you are not alone; I too am Maniac Girl. When the anxiety levels are up, there is nothing like a good purge to give you the illusion of control ;-)

Sarah
 
My DH often says that he wants to be able to pick up the whole house, tilt it, and dump everything out the window in order to de-clutter. Lucky for me, he can't do it! So when he gets like that, that's when I get organizing, moving from one room to another and telling him and the kids to stay out of my way. Once I'm done he seems much happier! (And we end up with tons of stuff to donate to Goodwill for the tax write off!)
 
>Nancy, you are not alone; I too am Maniac Girl. When the
>anxiety levels are up, there is nothing like a good purge to
>give you the illusion of control ;-)
>
>Sarah

Sarah, you are right. It is nothing more than an illusion. But my irrational side does not care. It just needs it, period. ;)
 
If there's too much stuff laying
>around...ANYTHING at all, I get all frazzled and antsy and
>can't sit still. Laundry piling up, dishes in the sink (clean
>OR dirty), paperwork from school, the million pieces of Lego
>we have in the house...ANYTHING that is just laying around is
>visual clutter to me and I need to get it orderly, or
>else everything ELSE falls apart. When that frazzled feeling
>hits, and if I don't take care of it quickly, that is when I
>tend to binge in my eating and falter on my workouts.
>
>Gayle

That's it, Gayle. "Frazzled and antsy". It's an awful feeling! x(
 
>HAAAA! You are not the only one FancyNancy. If you recall,
>a while back we did not have running water for a few days. I
>decided the heaping pile of dishes had to go at that very
>moment. My SO, is such a wonderful peach of an ex hockey
>player humored me as I started to throw them out. The next
>day he bought replacements and fixed the water. He's so laid
>back, I really don't know how he tolerates me!

Beavs, that's exactly how he does tolerate you. By being laid back. I often say my DH is a 200-lb. valium. Who else could possibly maintain us high-maintenance types? ;) :+
 
I'm the same way. There are days I walk through the house and anything that doesn't have its place gets tossed. My kids know that when I start getting nuts, it's time to clean up their stuff!!!
 
I frequently joke about cleaning house with a match...won't happen, but you know what I mean.

I've been having that antsy feeling lately too and have been purging stuff @ home big-time. Work is pretty stressful right now and I just want to have some space under control...
 
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