OT...opinions please...How many of you hold your children back a year from school....

M

momtoaaa

Guest
Hi,

I need opinions from people who held their child back/or didnt from school. Are you glad you did/didnt...ect

My childrens birthdays are late..May 16 boy, and Aug. 1 girl. Our cut-off date is Sept. 1. My 7yo boy is reading at a 4th grade level and does well in math and is very bright, but his fine motor skills are a bit weak. My 6yo girl is right on target with everything, she is really artistic. They went to a private school last year that really pushes holding children back. Then I homeschooled them this past semester. Now, we have decided to go ahead and enroll them in a public school and I just cant decide where to place them. My 7yo would be in 1st if I DID hold him back and my 6yo girl would be in K if I DID hold her back. Honestly, I know they can do the work, but will it become harder to them in the later grades...please help, any opinions would be appreciated!!! Thanks and Merry Christmas,
Jennifer
 
Hi Jennifer!! Hmm, I can't understand why that private school pushes holding children back.

I have done all three: homeschool, private school, and public school! It sounds to me like your kids are right on target, and over target in many areas. I would say, DON'T hold them back, especially since they've been to private school AND homeschooled! My kids were way ahead of the public school kids when I sent them to public school. I'm sure your kids will be too, and I'm sure they will do aboslutely great!! :)

Hollie
 
We went ahead with Kindergarten with the idea in reserve that he could always do Kindergarten again, and he did. It worked out well. It was easier to decide after that first year. Hope you find a comfortable decision!
-Connie
 
My daughter's birthday was 2 weeks after the cut-off. The school district gave us the option of letting her start early. We decided to wait until she was officially of age to start school. She is 17 years old & a junior in high school. We feel that she was better off waiting that extra year. She was more mature & better adjusted. She didn't suffer from any separation anxiety the way some (not all but some) kids do.

It's a tough decission but it has to be made based on your own children's abilities & maturity level. You need to take all of that into consideration. Good luck. I wish you the best.

I'm ready to take the next step! http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/a_smil09.gif
 
Where we live, the end of the calendar year is the cut-off date for each grade. My sister-in-law is a primary teacher and she held her son back (October birthday) for a variety of reasons - I think mostly behavioural. She has never regretted her decision, but has told us that most kids "even out" with each other by grade 3 or 4. Our son just turned five (mid-December) and has been in Kindergarten since September, so some of the kids in his class are almost a full year older. Maturity-wise he is just fine, but is slightly behind in the fine motor skills. His teacher is not concerned in the slightest, nor am I, as he has the maturity and focus needed. We will just spend some extra time with him mastering his written alphabet, etc. He has already shown huge improvements in a small amount of time.

It sounds to me like your kids would be fine if you didn't hold them back; in fact, it sounds like they are excelling in many areas. They might be bored if you held them back and that would be a shame. Maybe you could talk to the principal of the school you are planning on sending them to and get his/her opinion.

Good luck with your decision.

Sandi
 
My parents held me back (bday in Nov.) cut off was dec. 31st. I was always a year older than the other kids and bored to death. I also didn't have many friends because I found the other kids "silly" and inmature.

Because I could coast all through school - striaght A's no studying I never learned how to properly study. When I got to college I had to study and work (at the jr. and sr. level) and this was a huge surprise for me. I actually had to go to the student services and get counseling on how to study. I feel that I should have learned this skill in jr. high, high school.

Being a girl it was also tough being a year older than the boys, no dating boys my in grade because I saw them as inmature (not meaning to sound snobby, I have nothing against younger people now, my dh is younger than me).

My parents regret holding me back, they just listened to what some dumb authority figure told them rather than juding me by my own skills and readiness. When I was in 6th grade my parents tried to have me put back in the proper grade only to be told that the school system here doesn't do that, no skipping grades, period.
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Dec-22-02 AT 10:51AM (Est)[/font][p]Hi Jennifer,
My kids birthdates are 11/26, 2/26, 10/26 and 5/27. The boys are all born on the 26th, My dtr. on the 27th. I feel that age is only one of the many, many factors involved, and I have struggled with this same issue. The oldest is a Sophomore this year, hates school, and his stated goal is to do as little as possible. Talking to girls in the hall is the only thing he likes about school. How nice! He started Kdg. at 4, and is emotionally immature, but able to do the work. He flunked 6th grade at public school. He attends a Lutheran High School, and they need to constantly push him to do his work. I don't think it would have mattered if we had held him back. The second, born in Feb., is on the Principals list, student council, all the sports teams and loves school. The third, is born in Oct., attended PPI for two years due to a speech delay, and started Kdg. at a public school at 4. I wanted to hold him back, but the speech teacher begged me not to. She thought he would be bored, and not flourish. He is in second grade at a Lutheran School now, and doing very well. My dtr., born in May, is in Kdg. at Public School. Loves it! The Kdg. teacher at our Lutheran School holds back almost all the boys. She says that they are immature, and not ready. I have not sent my kids to her for Kdg., as you can tell. Each kid is so different, and the philosphy of the teachers is always so different. If they can do the grade level work put them in the right grade. Hope that helped!
Dawn
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Dec-22-02 AT 11:33AM (Est)[/font][p]I was born in August and the cut-off was October 15th. I was ahead of grade-level intellectually so they let me start with my class in a private school. I was still so bored that by 2nd grade (public school) I started being a behavior problem so they skipped me into 3rd grade. This means I graduated from high school at 16. I never had any problem with the schoolwork and I was always an outcast socially but I dont think keeping me back would have done any good. Once I got into college (at 17) and away from the social immaturity of high school I was fine.

My brother was born Oct. 7 so couldn't have been any younger in his class. They also started him with his class but he ended up having to repeat 2nd grade. He still struggled and never went to college.

My daughter (Jan birthday) moved along normally, then decided she hated school in high school so she home schooled and is now applying to competitive colleges for Fall 2003.

My point is, it just depends on the child. But I would let them start with their class unless they are just not able to keep up, and see what happens. You can always make adjustments later, but it's impossible to guess what a 7 yr old will be like in high school.
 
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Dec-22-02 AT 11:44AM (Est)[/font][p][font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Dec-22-02 AT 11:42 AM (Est)[/font]

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON Dec-22-02 AT 11:39 AM (Est)[/font]

I have twin boys with August birthdays (I think the cutoff here is 9/30) and we had a very tough time with this decision - one boy was definitely ready for kindergarten at 5 and one definitely wasn't. We eventually decided to hold them both back a year. It was absolutely the right decision for the boy that wasn't ready, but my other son is bored and not challenged (they are in 2nd grade now). He also seems more mature than the other boys in his grade.
I was one of the youngest in my class and had no problems with it. I started college at 17.
One negative thing about not holding a child back with the idea that you can always have them repeat a grade is that other kids always remember who was held back. I was told this when we were making our decision and it is definitely true. I still think it's better for a child to repeat a grade if necessary, but it does carry a certain "stigma".
I really think each child is so different and you have to make the decision based on each child's emotional, physical and intellectual level. It appears to me that most boys do better when they are held back, but definitely not all.
Good luck with your decision!
Erica
 
Hi Jennifer! Speaking from my own experience I have an 11 yr. old boy. He happens to be a Dec. baby and I held him back, having him repeat kindergarten 2x. Academically he could handle the work very easily but socially he would've been left behind. I had noticed from observing him in his class that all the boys didn't pay much attention to him because his mannerisms were still babyish. I had the principal, child psychologist and his teacher observe him and they all agreed w/me to hold him back. Now he's a straight A student very gifted academically and finds the school work easy which was my intention. Also having my son in the right pre-school mattered a great deal too. Only you can decide what's best for your children. Good luck! Kathy
 
Thanks for ALL the replies...they were very helpful. We are still trying to decide what to do. Thanks again and Merry Christmas....Jennifer
 
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