Do any of you find that you are negative in nature and have a type A personality. I am and it drives me nuts about myself but yet its sooooo hard to change. My husband is totally opposite and I wish I could be more like him. I find that I complain about EVERYTHING and I always see the negative in everything, even if its something that should be happy like spending time with friends. Not to mention, I let others affect me which means I'm always annoyed or upset with something and this has really been affecting my marriage lately. So thats my negativity part and on top of that I'm extremely type A. I often don't sleep as my mind races with things that need to get done or have gotten done. I constantly think. Its really exhausting. I'm very regimented and scheduled and when things change I get anxious and annoyed. I really want to focus on this aspect of my life. So I guess I want to know if you all have any tips or any books you can recommend. I want to enjoy my life, be more relaxed, and more positive.
negativity/type A
- Thread starter kariev
- Start date
morgs
Cathlete
A good book to read ( and have on hand at all times is ) 'The Secret' by Rhonda Burnes. VERY good book focusing on the power of positive thinking. Whenever I feel my feelings going negative, I read a quick 'side note' from the book to keep me in check. I know it's tough nowdays , what with so many negative things going on around us, but, i've always found that 'looking at the silver lining' always helps and this book is a good way to start. It's amazing how many things in life you can come to appreciate. Like another poster here once said ( can't remember who but it was brilliant ) Quote: "We're not living in a war torn country", so, we really don't have it that bad. Awesome way to look at it !! We can all learn from that quote I think !
~Morgs~
michefit
Cathlete
I don't usually respond to more personal posts - but your description could be written about me. Stress and work definately make it worse. I am a working mom of three - I am often exhausted trying to be perfect in both areas of life (home and work). I too find extra social obligations to be a chore on top of an already endless task list. Anyway - I have had to see a naturopath doctor for adrenal fatigue - and her advice was to step back from tasks and obligations that aren't absolutely necessary - I have been making extra time to take care of myself (excercise, read, nap if necessary) and this really helps me to regroup and feel less overwhelmed - when I feel less overwhelmed I can often see things more positively or "let go" of worries that rob me of sleep. I am still working on this - but my advice is to find ways to decompress so that your overall health and mental well being doesn't suffer. Because of the "adrenal fatigue" issue I have experienced some anxiety attacks, foggy thinking, insomnia, heart palpitations and depression. For this reason I put my health first in my mind and it helps to make other tasks seem less urgent and I can let go of them if necessary. Hope this helps - like I said I am still working on it...
janie1234
Cathlete
I used to be like that. It is possible to make changes in your life. You've made the first step by recognizing that it is a problem. It took me years to figure that out. My husband has been my rock and driving force of support. My husband is also the total opposite of me and everyday I thank my lucky stars.
I think that my "eye opening" moment was when I took a hard look at my mom and sister and realized that I do not want to be anything like them. I did not want to be angry or negative all the time because lets face it, . . feeling that way is draining and exhausting, . . like a cancer. They are both very hateful, jealous, overweight, and find joy in putting others down to make them feel better about themselves. I have 2 children to think of and an example to set. I think that a lot of us "type A" people tend to have a need for control and a poor image of ourselves. I figured out that I needed to worry about making myself happy. I saw my Dr. went on Prozac, started exercising more and took time for me.
My husband taught me something that I will always remember that most of the time when you talk to someone and you think that they are mean, . . or rude, . . that 99% of the time it is not about you and that the person is probably having a bad day or has something else on their mind. When it is about you and that person is being a snot rag let it go, . . . trust me that person sleeps just fine at night not worrying about you. This really made sense to me when one day we were driving and someone cut my husband off on the road. I was upset and he said, . . no big deal we all make mistakes. I couldn't believe that he could brush it off so easy. Then I realized that wow when you let things go you can go on with other things in the day that mean more to you, . . .like laughing with my kids.
Sorry I don't have any books to reccomend but sounds like you have a great husband and support system. Exercise has helped me tremendously because when I feel fit I feel confident. The Prozac helps me to just not sweat the small stuff. I'm thinking of you and sending you (((hugs))).
I think that my "eye opening" moment was when I took a hard look at my mom and sister and realized that I do not want to be anything like them. I did not want to be angry or negative all the time because lets face it, . . feeling that way is draining and exhausting, . . like a cancer. They are both very hateful, jealous, overweight, and find joy in putting others down to make them feel better about themselves. I have 2 children to think of and an example to set. I think that a lot of us "type A" people tend to have a need for control and a poor image of ourselves. I figured out that I needed to worry about making myself happy. I saw my Dr. went on Prozac, started exercising more and took time for me.
My husband taught me something that I will always remember that most of the time when you talk to someone and you think that they are mean, . . or rude, . . that 99% of the time it is not about you and that the person is probably having a bad day or has something else on their mind. When it is about you and that person is being a snot rag let it go, . . . trust me that person sleeps just fine at night not worrying about you. This really made sense to me when one day we were driving and someone cut my husband off on the road. I was upset and he said, . . no big deal we all make mistakes. I couldn't believe that he could brush it off so easy. Then I realized that wow when you let things go you can go on with other things in the day that mean more to you, . . .like laughing with my kids.
Sorry I don't have any books to reccomend but sounds like you have a great husband and support system. Exercise has helped me tremendously because when I feel fit I feel confident. The Prozac helps me to just not sweat the small stuff. I'm thinking of you and sending you (((hugs))).
Alana_as
Cathlete
Wow, I am EXACTLY the same way karie. I don't really have any advice or anything of the sort. Actually I might take some of the advice from the other girls who commented here. DOWN TO A T, you have said things that I go through on a daily basis.
It's very frustrating BEING FRUSTRATED! hehe. I try very hard day to day to try to brush off small stuff. It's very hard for me as well to let small irritations and annoyances.
Thank you karie for posting this, maybe we both can get something from the help of the gals on here!! if you want to talk KARIE just PM me! I would love to be able to relate to someone with the same personality battles! ; )
It's very frustrating BEING FRUSTRATED! hehe. I try very hard day to day to try to brush off small stuff. It's very hard for me as well to let small irritations and annoyances.
Thank you karie for posting this, maybe we both can get something from the help of the gals on here!! if you want to talk KARIE just PM me! I would love to be able to relate to someone with the same personality battles! ; )
Poochy
Cathlete
Ya'll sound like my DH!!!! he has mellowed w/age though! 
Although I tend to be positive . . not regimented .. love to stop and smell the roses or watch a sunset .. I DO STRESS A LOT ... and WORRY ... Just gotta say .. the best advice I was given when someone is angry and mad and they take it out on you .. "Anger is only fear in disguse" .. almost any anger broken down is actually a fear .. if someone is angry AT YOU .. they are afraid of something about you or that you did or capable of doing or the situation not necessarily you. When their anger ANGERS YOU .. then trace it back .. it usually leads to a fear of yours . . whether it be . a fear they are right .. or a fear that something they said was true or a fear it could be true ... in almost every case if I do this .. I understand it and me a bit better and can deal with it a lot better and let it go!!
Now as far as the "type A" personality ... focus on the positive of it .. if it were not for all the type A's out there .. a LOT of stuff would NOT get done ..or be thought of .. etc .. and realize the rest of us NEED you .. as you NEED us .. !!!! My husband and I .. we fit - he has the motivation the drive the focused direction .. and I have the ability to get him to chill out and not take things so hard when thing dont go as he thinks they should .. we equal each other out ..
"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." – Malcom Forbes
Although I tend to be positive . . not regimented .. love to stop and smell the roses or watch a sunset .. I DO STRESS A LOT ... and WORRY ... Just gotta say .. the best advice I was given when someone is angry and mad and they take it out on you .. "Anger is only fear in disguse" .. almost any anger broken down is actually a fear .. if someone is angry AT YOU .. they are afraid of something about you or that you did or capable of doing or the situation not necessarily you. When their anger ANGERS YOU .. then trace it back .. it usually leads to a fear of yours . . whether it be . a fear they are right .. or a fear that something they said was true or a fear it could be true ... in almost every case if I do this .. I understand it and me a bit better and can deal with it a lot better and let it go!!
Now as far as the "type A" personality ... focus on the positive of it .. if it were not for all the type A's out there .. a LOT of stuff would NOT get done ..or be thought of .. etc .. and realize the rest of us NEED you .. as you NEED us .. !!!! My husband and I .. we fit - he has the motivation the drive the focused direction .. and I have the ability to get him to chill out and not take things so hard when thing dont go as he thinks they should .. we equal each other out ..
"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are." – Malcom Forbes
Thank you all so much for the responses. I know I have to make the change and change is a process and it isn't going to happen overnight.
Janie, my mom is the exact same way as you described. She drains me and is so miserable all of the time yet she is my best friend. I don't want to be like her though so its time for me to change.
Janie, my mom is the exact same way as you described. She drains me and is so miserable all of the time yet she is my best friend. I don't want to be like her though so its time for me to change.
janie1234
Cathlete
Oh Kariev I envy you and I feel bad for you at the same time. I could never get close to my sister or my mom because they were always part of some "mean girls club." I wish I could call them my best friends.
I was always the black sheep, . .just different. Even when they go on their "mean girl" rampage I would sit there like a deer caught in the head lights wondering what I was supposed to say. I always thought to fit in I had to join in the bashing and the negativity. When I did I just never felt good about myself. I'll never forget getting picked on in school as a child and how horrible it made me feel to know that people were okay with calling me horrible things. I couldn't do the same.
I can empathize with you it must feel like she is your best friend but your worse enemy. My only words of advice and be careful because I did this and it was NOT recieved well is to limit your time with her and hang out with other people. Make yourself a priority, . .join a class and have other friends who are more positive, . . hey like us.
My mom is always upset with me for not being around or calling all the time and I can't help but sometimes feel guilty about it but as a friend and a mom she should understand that you have to do what is best for you. Your new "you" might not be understood by her. I know my mom and sister to this day never feel like it is a wrong thing to have so much hate and anger inside. Trust me when you sit back and look at your life there are things to be greatful for. There is always someone out there who is worse off than we are and sitting back and being greatful really is a wonderful way to have the positive energy flow.
Sorry this is so long, . . . . hey we're all here for you.
NRG Woman
Cathlete
I used to be very type A, but now I am pretty relaxed. Some of it is that my life is a lot easier than it used to be, some of it is that my attitude has changed quite a bit. When I was looking to change I happened upon the book Full Catastrophe Living by John Kabat-Zinn. I was desperate enough at the time to be willing to be open to a view that was radically different than my own. HTH
Shayne
Shayne
buckeyegirl
Cathlete
I am very much this type of personality as well - I guess I'm more the perfectionist, analytical and critical type-A vs. being negative a lot, but the type A has a tendency to make me more negative when things don't go like I want or people I work with are disorganized and not as detail oriented as I am. I have to step off a get different perspective to better my outlook..
This will sound a bit silly, but I was really sick after the birth of my 12 year old. I was in Cleveland Clinic and was on the brink of dying. I'll never forget one day I saw a runner outside of my hospital window. I thought to myself - "God, I would give anything to be that runner. She doesn't know how lucky she is" Several months later I got to run again - I cried almost the entire run as I was so thankful to be healthy again.
When I'm feeling down and negative, I think back to that day when I was truly in despair and fighting for my life. It's then that I realize my life if pretty
fu*king good right now and I have a lot to be happy about.
Heidi
This will sound a bit silly, but I was really sick after the birth of my 12 year old. I was in Cleveland Clinic and was on the brink of dying. I'll never forget one day I saw a runner outside of my hospital window. I thought to myself - "God, I would give anything to be that runner. She doesn't know how lucky she is" Several months later I got to run again - I cried almost the entire run as I was so thankful to be healthy again.
When I'm feeling down and negative, I think back to that day when I was truly in despair and fighting for my life. It's then that I realize my life if pretty
fu*king good right now and I have a lot to be happy about.
Heidi
Thank you all for the comments. I know that one thing is to limit negative people in your life but I don't know how to do that when its your family My husband and I just bought our first home and are remodeling/redecorating the whole thing. You would think that this would be so fun/happy/exciting for me but i'm not. Why, because my brother is an alcoholic who is struggling with sobriety and my mom is negative/worry wort who is beyond stressed. When I talk to either of them they just bring me down. I almost feel guilty for doing something fun or being happy because they aren't. But I guess this is what negative people do. I let their emotions affect me and then i take it out on my husband and we fight. I'm so close to my mom and brother so I just don't know how to balance this. I don't know how to not let them effect me as much but I guess it has to be a concious decision on my part.
My husband and I just bought our first home and are remodeling/redecorating the whole thing. You would think that this would be so fun/happy/exciting for me but i'm not. Why, because my brother is an alcoholic who is struggling with sobriety and my mom is negative/worry wort who is beyond stressed. When I talk to either of them they just bring me down. I almost feel guilty for doing something fun or being happy because they aren't. But I guess this is what negative people do. I let their emotions affect me and then i take it out on my husband and we fight. I'm so close to my mom and brother so I just don't know how to balance this. I don't know how to not let them effect me as much but I guess it has to be a concious decision on my part.RapidBreath
Cathlete
I really liked Eckhart Tolle's "A new Earth". What helps me is to force myself to think of the good side to things. Even if that means coming down to, well it could be worse! Keeping a gratitude journal helps, list 5 things you are grateful for every night before bed and in the morning re- read them before you get up. Be aware that the voice in your head which is constantly getting you down is not your friend. A friend is someone that builds you up. Its not easy to learn to be our own best friend, but its worth it.
RapidBreath
Cathlete
1.
I'm going to address these statements one by one.
1. Remodeling/decorating is one of the most likely times in a person's married life that the couple ends up in divorce court. No kidding. We work construction (have all my life.) and even my folks almost got divorced during a remodel on a Victorian house. This is tough, you need to understand that and don't beat yourself up for not being "constantly sunshine and every thing is ok" all the time.
2. Maybe you need to limit the time you spend with a pair of depressives, your mom is a depressive and all alcoholics are depressives by virtue of alcohol being a depressant (its true!)
3. You should never feel guilty for experiencing joy in your life when someone else is not. The more joy you have the better an example you are. Happiness is not a finite substance, being happy does not detract from them at all. You don't need the guilt and they don't need you to be guilty. Did it ever occur to you that maybe they pick up on how bad you feel? You said that their emotional state effects you, I humbly suggest it goes both ways.
4. Taking this out on your husband is unkind and a certain way to end up single. He doesn't deserve it. If you need to sound off find a support group, post on here (hey, we can take it!) or a therapist. You can tell him you aren't feeling good emotionally because you caught a nasty case of the 'bad attitude' from your family members but do not pick a fight.
I hope all that helps, hugs and lots of good vibes coming your way.
I'm going to address these statements one by one.
1. Remodeling/decorating is one of the most likely times in a person's married life that the couple ends up in divorce court. No kidding. We work construction (have all my life.) and even my folks almost got divorced during a remodel on a Victorian house. This is tough, you need to understand that and don't beat yourself up for not being "constantly sunshine and every thing is ok" all the time.
2. Maybe you need to limit the time you spend with a pair of depressives, your mom is a depressive and all alcoholics are depressives by virtue of alcohol being a depressant (its true!)
3. You should never feel guilty for experiencing joy in your life when someone else is not. The more joy you have the better an example you are. Happiness is not a finite substance, being happy does not detract from them at all. You don't need the guilt and they don't need you to be guilty. Did it ever occur to you that maybe they pick up on how bad you feel? You said that their emotional state effects you, I humbly suggest it goes both ways.
4. Taking this out on your husband is unkind and a certain way to end up single. He doesn't deserve it. If you need to sound off find a support group, post on here (hey, we can take it!) or a therapist. You can tell him you aren't feeling good emotionally because you caught a nasty case of the 'bad attitude' from your family members but do not pick a fight.
I hope all that helps, hugs and lots of good vibes coming your way.
janie1234
Cathlete
RapidBreath, . . WOW what wonderful words of wisdom and what great advice. Your friends and family are so lucky to have you.
cher54
Cathlete
I have had some major life changing events and experiences that have changed my life. I was always VERY negative about everything. Not to go into a lot of personal detail (because I could write a book about how my life has changed) I would like to suggest the book "Happy For No Reason" by Marci Shimoff. She contributed to the book The Secret, mentioned by a previous poster. Happy For No Reason is a super easy read and has so much to offer. I was simply amazed by all the information packed into it. There are several exercises to each chapter plus you can download a lot of really cool extras free. It is one of the best books I have ever read! Thanks for your post. I hope this helps!