Need your advice.....

naughtoj

naughtoj

Cathlete
I need some advice, please. Some of you already know this stuff, bear with me...


I just started Block 2 of a 4 block nursing program (school) yesterday. As you may recall, my father was diagnosed with extensive small cell inoperable lung cancer back in November. So far he has rec'd two rounds of chemo, tumors shrunk 50%, but now has a new tumor in his lung that is chemo resistant. They are going to try a new chemo, apparantly a really strong one that runs once a week...I will find out more Monday. He also had mets to brain (four lesions) and had 20 radiation treatments. Some stats: 20-30% of people with this type of cancer live one year. His prognosis (only an estimate) was 6-10 months from last Nov. Currently he seems to be physically doing OK. I recently found out that I will have to care for him (drive him around to a fro doc appts, stay with him, etc) one to two days per week. My aunt has been taking care of him but it has proven more difficult than she thought and chemo/radiation has really taking his strength. Plus, now he has to do it all over again.

My mother has fallen ill and has not gotten better since Nov 1. She is having some respiratory probs. Spot found on X-ray in lungs, did CT, something on adrenals....adrenal adenoma the doc says.....says she needs another CT in six months. I told her, because she is still sick, get a second opinion. See a pulmonologist, whatever. She ignores me. She hasn't done anything but she is not feeling better. She said she MAY go back to doc, her boyfriend says he will try to get her to go...I am worried in light of the fact that she is a longtime heavy smoker and especially with what is going on with my Dad....

In November, I also started a new job at a busy ER in a position that requires lots of learning, learning I am not fully done with. I am still struggling to learn the current computer system there but in March we will convert to a whole new system and I will have to relearn everything.Uggghh. I am still stressed when I go to this new job cuz I don't know everything I should yet. Plus, the ER's everywhere are busting at the seams with sick people!!!


My advice................With these conditions, would you try to drop out of Block 2 and return either next semester or the semester after? I am really at a loss as to what to do. I found Block 1 stressful enough with no job (at the time) and my father being healthy. In addition, if my father's time is so limited I would hate to be buried in a book for the rest of his life, you know what I mean? I also know that he may live longer than the prognosis. Finally, I know that if I am stressed to the max, and especially if my Dad's health rapidly declines, I won't have the "stick with it-ness" to push through my classes. How will I concentrate on studying??

I need advice. I have to do this (drop or decide to stay) within the next few days or I won't get a refund. I don't want to lose a whole semesters $$$. I so much hate to drop. I have made friends and would like to see something through. But I just don't know how much I can take at once.

What would YOU do??? Please give me your honest thoughts.

Thank you all!! I appreciate it very much!!:D
 
I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through. It's tough to see your parents not feeling well. My father died of bone cancer some years ago and now my mom is suffering with a neurological condition. It's a nightmare.

I'm a nurse and know that nursing school is so stressing and I don't think I could have done it with parents not feeling well. I want to tell you to drop and wait a bit but....and this is a big but...sometimes when we leave school, it's hard getting back into it. Don't let it go.

Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you. I wish you luck and prayers for you and your parents.
 
Janice,

I've posted some about what I've been through in school, but I went through a very rocky period in my marriage when I was starting graduate school. On the one hand, school was a haven sometimes. But on the other, the work was always there and when things were bad at home, I still had work to do; the constant pressure of emotional stress coupled with the amount of work I had got to me in a BIG way. I don't know anything about nursing programs, but can you try a few weeks then withdraw if need be? Would there be any problem trying again the next semester? Besides your well-being, my other concern would be GPA/standing in the program, which you don't want to jeopardize.

My thoughts are with you-- (((((HUGS)))))
L
 
D,

It looks (?sounds) to me as though you may need to have a soul searching conversation with yourself. Ask yourself what your priorities are and act on them in that way.

I sympathize with your parents current health struggles but unless their expectation is for you to care for them, you may need to move forward and focus on your studies while still having compassion and active interest.

However, I would like to point out that nursing is highly intense at all times, and whether it is family, friends, finances, or your own health that may be awry, nursing demands that you work through this and continue to be the consumate professional at all times. There is an old saying among nurses and health care professionals that goes something like this: "You can't adequately provide care for others if you haven't taken care of yourself first".

I urge you to really reflect and make sure that nursing is the profession for you.

As for the ER job, that sounds like added stress to your picture. If you would like a clinical-type job to provide some income while you are going through nursing school, why choose such an obviously high intensity setting? There are hundreds of jobs in the clinical arena. Maybe exploring a different job may be one, changeable component of your situation.

But ask yourself the important questions about what your priorities are and make some decisions for yourself. And be courageous...you can do it!

X
 
Hello:

Agree with the others advice here.

That's great that you already know you can't do it it well. That's a huge step.
Agree with X first figure out your priorites. Sounds like you already have made your Dad you #1 priority and that's great.

Also my cousin always uses the airplane put on your oxygen mask first analogy. You need to keep care of yourself. Certainly during these tough times its different - it's more getting sleep, eating fuel, and getting whatever emotional, spiritual support is needed.

So sounds like the lessening of pressure would be between your job and school. School will always be there so maybe that makes most sense. I know when my Dad was sick I felt guilty taking time off to be with him. Thank God my boss pushed me to go. If I didn't I could have never gotten that time back.

Everything is different when you are in survival mode. In July 04 my son was diagnosed with a brain aneurysm and seizure disorder. My job was very demanding, client facing. After the initial diagnosis (I worked from home too a bunch during this period) I changed job to a non client facing job. Work being much less important and to be honest I was not working on all cylinders. My mother hit rock bottom with her mental illness and while important that just was not the priority as my son.

When you are in survival mode its a very different place (sounds like you are there). So yes focus just on what is critical now. If you work in the ER you know the drill. (From a Mom who has had too much interaction with ambulance, ER etc in the last 1.5 years).

So my advice is go with your gutt. It sounds like you are very intune with it. Let us know what you decide. We are here for you to vent, talk.

Hugs
 
(((Janice))),

I am tempted, like Nancy to tell you to drop the classes for now until you feel you can give it your all but like she said, it could be very difficult to get back into once you've taken "a break" and I'd hate to see you quit completely after coming this far! If you fear you may not go back to school if you drop your class load this semester then I would push to do it all. If you are quite certain that you WILL return to school to finish then by all means, take "a load off" where you can right now and drop the classes until next semester. Question is...if the stress does not get better by then, will you go back to school anyway or put it off another semester??

This is a tough one, hon. Think long and hard about it before you do anything.

Take care!
 
First ((HUGS)) to you. As you know I went through this last year with my dad, so I can empathize. Nursing school is very intense, I don't think I would have been able to sucessfully complete it if I was under that kind of stress. That's just me, you'll have to judge that for yourself. If you do decide to continue, just try to be careful in the clinical and job settings. You do not want to make a lethal mistake.

Some schools are accommodating when things like this happen. IMOH, if you can take some time off and return at a later date, this is what I would do. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this.
 
Janice, (((HUGS))) to you. I'm not a nurse, but I didn't see anyone mention another option I know is available at my (law) school.

There are counselors available to us, that we can see a few times for "free" (included in our tuition). It seems like your situation is so traumatic you might benefit by speaking with a professional. When you're supporting your parents, sometimes YOU get lost, and I think a counselor would be a great help. Some jobs even offer phone counselling for stressful situations like this.

I think you'll be fine either way, but also remember that you're going to have more trauma before you have less, since your parents are in such bad shape right now. It's terrible, but it isn't something that's going to just go away in time for school to start back up!

I wish there was more we could do, but you're the one who has to decide what's best for you. We're here for you, and we're thinking about you and your entire family!!
 
Janice,
More (((hugs))) to you. I agree with Amy. Try and see if your school has a counselor you can talk with, or even your advisor. Also, once you make-up your mind, either way, you'll probably feel a weight off your shoulders. God Bless. Melissa
 
I think I will make an appt with the Nursing Dept Director, see what my options are, let her know my situation. I could keep going to "just see what happens" but again, no refund if I do that. If I kept in and it got bad I could drop, but nursing school is A LOT OF WORK for nothing. Repeating anything makes me shudder...:eek:

Talked to my mom today. She says she is feeling better but is still with this hacking cough. She actually has made an appt to get the follow up CT scan a bit earlier so that she won't wait six months. I guess that is as good as it is going to get. I don't want to be fatalistic but with what I do know, if she is having symptoms odds are if it IS lung cancer it is already pretty advanced. But, nothing yet so I will operate as nothing is wrong. :7

Thanks again, everyone....;-)
 
Janice:

I am notmgoing to tell you what to do. I cannot. You have to figure this out for yourself. Every one of us would react differently and according to a different set of values and priorities. Only you know what yours are, and what the extent of your stress is and your ability to handle it.

But, to the people who say it is very difficult to go back to your studies after a break, I say, not so.

I took a year off between my Masters degree and the first year of my first attempt at the PhD because I wanted to look after my first newborn. I felt weird for a little while, but before long I was reading and producing papers, not to mention maintaining teaching excellence, along with all the other grad students in my dept, and only sleeping 4 hours a night.

Due to family situations, I then moved state and after another 3 year hiatus, during which I was stay at home mum to my second newborn, then university instructor for 2 years, I returned again to my PhD work. I got back into the flow quickly.

It can be done if you have the will to do it.

Clare
 
Clare, I need to take a NAP after reading your experience!! Wow!!!!

I'm glad you had the will to do it! Most impressive!!
 
Janice,
I just started my block 2. Here's my perspective on how to look at your situation (not telling you what to do).
First, look at your history. How committed were you last semester? And in your life, when things have been difficult, how did you do with school/work?
Also, our block 2 is easier than 1. Our classes this time are sequential (although compressed), I find it easier to focus on just one thing at a time. And you should be able to get studying in with your Dad - waiting in offices is a perfect time to study (I do it with my kids). But again, if in the past, you just couldn't mentally stay focused on school when stressed, then it's unlikely you'll suddenly develop that skill. Also, you learned about nursing school in general last semester - what clinicals are like, what tests are like (that critical thinking they hammer into you!) -- you are way ahead of the game this time!
Good luck in whatever you decide.
 
I can compeletly understand where your coming from. I am sorry to hear that your father is soo sick. Cancer is a terrible thing that I dont think anybody should have to live through. I am a RN and can also understand the amount of stress that nursing school entails. I think those were the most terrible years of my life. I just dont think it is possible to imagine until you go through it,its very time consuming.
My first thought is what other support systems do you have in your family? Are you the only one who can bring your father to all these apptS?? Have you thought of seeking out some kind of services for your father like VNA or PCA kind of services to lighten your load a little bit?
My advice to you is to not drop out right now stick with it because in the long run it may not be so easy to get back in after this is all done. I dont know the status of your father as in functionability. but, it sounds like it is not good, and i am sorry for that. there were a lot of nurses I know that have had tragic things happen in nursing school but they still made it. KEPP YOUR HEAD UP
As for your mother this is what i have to say...YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER BUT YOU CANT MAKE THEM DRINK. She is going to do what she wants to do and I dont think you are going to change that.
As for yourself...take care of your self and seek services out there, there are a lot of them. You will be suprised. People are willing to help. Goodluck with your new job...but the ED is a stressful place you may find your not up to it right now with everything else that is going on.

GOOD LUCK
MELISSA:)
 
"but nursing school is A LOT OF WORK for nothing. Repeating anything makes me shudder..."

Janice, if I am reading this correctly....hmmmm, this is very revealing. Are you sure that nursing is what is going to make you happy? Any worthwhile investment should yeild something of merit or gratification.

I just sense a real struggle here. Can you honestly say that this is truly what you want?

I thought I saw you mention in another post that you were anti-social...

"Um, I am totally anti social"

Being an RN I can say with certainty that this would be a very difficult profession to be in if one is anti-social.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being anti-social but perhaps a different career path would match your personality type. Is it at all possible that you just don't feel at home with nursing?

X
 
Janice,

During the end of my undergrad I was transferred to another work facility that was 1.5 hours from my home. Every day I drove the 1.5 hours to work, then after work flew to a three hour class which was 1.5 hours in the other direction, two to four days a week depending on the semester load. During this time, I was in the worst possible marriage which put me under tremendous pressure. To top it off, my daughter (a teenager at the time) was at the peak of a rebellious streak during this time and I had to do my best to keep tabs on her. But...I did it because I had the desire to see my degree to completion.

Only you can answer the questions you pose to everyone else. You are the one who is going to have to see it through. I believe "where there is a will, there is a way." I was not going to let anything get in the way of something I thought was crucial to me at the time. The only limitations are the ones we put on ourselves. There will always be situations in life to handle. You can't always put life on hold.

The next comments may upset you. You are not your mothers mother, you are her daughter. She is an adult who needs to look after herself. You are taking on a very enabling position in your family and are putting yourself in that position on your own. This is a pattern you continue to embrace which can only hurt you in the long run.

BTW, Robyn is a testament to surviving and succeeding under tremendous pressure.
 
Janice, I don't mean for this to sound rude, and absolutely no direspect to your parents' health and your current situation, so please take it in the vein it is meant, ok? But based on some other posts you've put up in recent times, it seems to me that for some time you have been seeking justification to end your nursing studies. So maybe this is the time to re-evaluate what you're doing, when you know you have other things on which to focus. Ask yourself: is this really what you want for your life? Perhaps this is the time to put the studies on hold and see what else life may bring you. You can always go back if you decide it is the right career after all. I agree this can be difficult but it's not impossible. I waited 10 years between my bachelor's and my master's and will probably go another 10 years before I get my PhD.

I don't envy your position, but I hope you come to a decision that feels right for you.

Good luck, and I will say some prayers for your parents.

Take care,
Marie
 
Janice, I don't know the right answer but wanted to let you know that I have you and your parents in my thoughts and prayers. It is definitely harder to do your best at something when there are so many outside stresses. Good Luck on your decision and keep us posted on your parents.
Your-Friend-In-Fitness, DebbieH (AKA "Den Mother Debbie") http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/aktion/action-smiley-066.gif[/img] If You Get The Choice To Sit It Out Or Dance...I Hope You DANCE!!!
 
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