Need some advice on divorce

Sissy1983

Cathlete
I am looking for some insight from you ladies that have been through a divorce. I want to end it on a amicable way but I don't see it going that way. I have contacted a couple lawyers waiting for a call back. What are the steps? We have 2 young kids who we are going to need a custody agreement for as well. I am hoping there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Is there something else I should be doingto protect myself and my kids? Thanks for all your help!
 
Copy anything & everything financially that you can get your hands on - your tax returns dating back at least a couple of years, copies of car titles, insurance policies, house deeds, bank statements, etc. etc. If he has a retirement account, copy that. You will need (if you work), copies of your W-2's, etc. It is much easier on everyone if it can be amicable, especially with children. Wish I could say that mine was, but it wasn't. We ended up in mediation. States are different, too, about property division. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a long tunnel, & I know at times I thought I'd never get through it. It may be something you want &/or need, but it's still a loss, so you'll grieve. With children involved, you will still have to have a relationship, & that can sometimes seem like it will last forever. Hang in there! Hopefully, you have a good support group around you - family & friends.
It may seem overwhelming, but just do one thing at a time - focus on one step at a time, & you'll make it! {{{{{HUGS!}}}}}
 
I've been divorced since 1994. Also, I wanted my divorce to be amicable although we didn't have kids. What I learned from my divorce and what I told my attorney is that no matter what happened, I wanted to look myself in the mirror 5 or 10 years down the road and know I behaved the best. For yourself and the kids, it's best to be proactive rather than reactive. Treat him with respect no matter how bad he may treat you plus do your best to keep emotions out of it. It will be a test of emotional intelligence and of nerves. If he is moving out, offer him stuff. In my seperation, I lost the big screen and hot tub but kept all of the expensive glassware,etc plus I put him on a budget and took 50% of the assets prior to meeting with a lawyer (not recommended) but used much of it to pay off the joint debt.
Speed up to today: From sources close, I did find out he wished he could've done more to keep me around since he has been married multiple times. I was wife number 1. The Judge stated that to him that he was letting a good woman go (me) because I did help him buy his new home by paying off the joint debt and not shutting down his new house deal. I know wife #2 raked him over the coals during their divorce and #3 too.
During hard times, you find one's true character. My EX acted like a child so taking the high road was pretty easy. Take the high road, it won't be easy but you will not regret it either. Plus, protect the children from the divorce like don't make calls to friends/family in front of them about the proceedings.
 
Taking the high road is so important, particularly with young children involved.

I recommend being honest with your children as to what is happening - in an age appropriate way of course - not necessarily the details but just that you and your husband have decided to live apart and to answer their questions, but to never bash your husband to them. He is their father and always will be and putting children in the middle is never good.

And you will have to interact with him for many years to come at school activities and graduations and weddings, etc.

So... as JT said.. for your own self-esteem it's important to take the high road and for the children's sake it is doubly important. And.. most important.. is to never put the children in the middle.

Also.. many times.. young children get the idea in their heads that they have somehow caused this to happen. That if they had behaved better, the divorce would not be happening. Even if they don't say that, I think it is important to frequently reaffirm that this is happening because of issues between you and your husband and they did not in any way shape or form cause it to happen. And reassure them that both you and their father will always love them and be there for them.

Every situation is different. Every marriage/divorce is different. But I think the common thread of advice is to stay calm, rational and respectful.

My children were grown when I got divorced. That makes it easier.. but it's never easy. As Jane said.. even if it is you that wants the divorce, you will probably find.. as I was surprised to discover.. that once the divorce is final, you feel a sense of loss.. and oftentimes failure.. no matter what the circumstances.

No one starts a marriage expecting to get divorced, so when it happens it is a loss... a loss of what you had hoped it would be.
 
My Dad went through a terrible divorce before he married my mother. Be sure to pay attention to the details of your custody agreement. My half siblings spent a good portion of their childhood in India without my Dad's permission because he was not the custodial parent (very serious:(:( and bad things happened to my siblings). You want the agreement to explicitly state that he can't take your kids out of state or out of the country without your knowledge and permission. Also, instead of having him send a pay check for child support be sure to get his wages garnished, an automatic payment into a separate account just for the kids. You don't want that money to be mysteriously lost somewhere.

I'm so sorry you are going through this <<hugs>>

Alisha
 
Copy anything & everything financially that you can get your hands on - your tax returns dating back at least a couple of years, copies of car titles, insurance policies, house deeds, bank statements, etc. etc. If he has a retirement account, copy that. You will need (if you work), copies of your W-2's, etc. It is much easier on everyone if it can be amicable, especially with children. Wish I could say that mine was, but it wasn't. We ended up in mediation. States are different, too, about property division. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's a long tunnel, & I know at times I thought I'd never get through it. It may be something you want &/or need, but it's still a loss, so you'll grieve. With children involved, you will still have to have a relationship, & that can sometimes seem like it will last forever. Hang in there! Hopefully, you have a good support group around you - family & friends.
It may seem overwhelming, but just do one thing at a time - focus on one step at a time, & you'll make it! {{{{{HUGS!}}}}}
I have been a legal secretary for 23 years. I agree with this comment about copying everything. You need to have your ducks in a row before you open up that can of worms.

If the two attorneys you mentioned don't call you back, keep looking. If they haven't called by now, they aren't worth fooling with. They won't be in your corner when the going gets tough. You need a barracuda attorney.

You didn't mention if things have been going sour. Has divorce or separation come up in a conversation with your husband? If it has, he won't be shocked. Mine wasn't.

Keep your chin up!
 
Anyone ready for some more Challenges?

I bet Cathe is going to hit us hard. Wonder what is going to be the next one?

I think I've done all I can do on the push up challenge until I get stronger. Those 20 push ups wore me out.
 

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