My son the doctor

janiejoey

janiejoey

Cathlete
My son has been learning and in internship forever. That is his life now for a very long time. He is getting depressed over not being able to live a normal life. He has another year left before his internship is over. He hates his life, work, and where he is living. That is too many variables to go through all at once. He knows there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But I want to do something for him now, he also knows we are here for him always.

He just moved a couple of months ago, but I think he could fix that one by just moving again. If he will.

Life as a doctor in internship, SUCKS! No one to go out with, schedules are all screwed up, and there is no time for oneself or others. And the staff at the hospital is military oriented so they are tough on him.

We only get to see him when he is scheduled for a couple of days off side by side, which is rare. It takes our son a couple of hours to get to our house.(Oh I'm such a horrible speller, even when I look up the words, I can't find them, darn.) We try hard to see him as often as we can.

Any way, It is so hard to see a person you love in misery and not be able to do anything about it. I could suggest counceling, but I'm not sure if he will take kindly to it.

I guess I'm spatting off, in hopes you might be able to suggest something, that I didn't think of. I know that a year from now this will be over, and he will become a normal doctor, that will be continuing to help people survive and live their best.

Perhaps a corresponding person could help? You know, like a pen pal? Or maybe kind words from people that I can send to him? I don't know, I'm at my wits end here. He is 6'6" and 36, in perfect health, single.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Janie,
I'm so sorry your son is at this point. I can only imagine how tough the life of an intern is: the long hours, the stress. No wonder some of them turn to drugs and other not-so-healthy habits.

I'm not sure what to suggest: does the hospital have some kind of support system set up?

Does he live close to you, so you could make him "care packages" of healthy food (which might be hard to grab when he's in a hurry) once a week or so.
 
Hi there -- Sorry to hear about your concern.

You mentioned maybe suggesting therapy to him. Why not? Sure, people sometimes think of the typical "couch with the shrink", but maybe you could use a personal example of someone feeling so much better after venting to a person who doesn't judge! "Healthy" people go to therapy!

Therapy has been the best thing I've done for myself -- I've been in a sticky work situation (overnight weekends in hard news...ha! talk about stiff people!!), and I'm working through some important and painful emotions that if aren't felt now, they'll surely seep out during another time. And, I've got a game plan to do what I really want away from this business. I think that's been key for me -- to get excited about my life and make it work for me, not conforming to the "next step" or way things "should be".

Also, while you might decide to gently suggest therapy, don't force your concern on him. He'll just get annoyed, and sometimes, the best thing is for people to take care of themselves!
 
Kathyrn,

Thank you for your caring opinion. He is not on drugs. And loaths what drugs can do to the human body when abused. I will ask him if the hospital has any support, but since that is part of his problem, he may not want to ask for it. He lives about two and half hours away, so care packages of healthy food are already being sent. Your right, he has no time to cook for himself, much, but he knows what is healthy to eat, and makes great meals when he can. I'm fairly sure, with what I send him, and his knowledge of clean eating, he does OK.

It's just that he has another year of this to go, and I think friendly comments of support might do the trick. Perhaps to let him know that he is not alone, and there are people out there that care about our doctors.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Newswoman13,

Therapy has helped me in the past also, and I'll talk to him about this.

Thank you,

Janie
"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Kathryn,

I have to tell you this. I'm a phsyciatric nurse at a big hospital in Sweden. Before that I was a detective, I'm 54 now. I knew all along when I was a policewomen that I wanted to be in nursing instead but the years went by. At 50 I started to study to become a nurse and love everyday at work. When one of the doctors where I work now (a shrink)found out about that he said that he wish he had become a policeman instead of a shrink but his father didn't allow him to do that. He talks often about that because the police come to our ward everyday with patients.I'm stunned.He says that the years between 20 and 30 are supposed to be your best years in life but all he did was to study and he regrets that.I do feel for him because I think he's unhappy with his work although I think he's a good doctor.

Many hugs to you and your son
 
JanieJoey

Your son is lucky to have a caring mom.

Just a thought, maybe your son is struggling with depression? Or maybe just burnt out.

Thought these articles might be interesting. Some medical schools have stress programs. Sometimes you can get a man to seek mental health help by getting them to agree to have a physical. Some internists are excellent at diagnosing depression and establishing good relationships with male patients. May be nice for your son to bond with a male doctor -- maybe outside of the facility in which he is training -- and get some help from someone who has been through something similar.


http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=News&id=2501361


http://www.webmd.com/content/article/45/1663_51232.htm

http://health.yahoo.com/topic/depre...Psychology_Today_articles_pto-20030101-000002

Hope this helps!
Barb:)
 
Janie,

It sounds like you are doing all you can for him. Does your son have any friends? Even just talking on the phone. This is a stressful time for him, but it will pass. Good luck to your son.

Ann Marie
 
Janie - your support and the support of his family and friends are probably the best thing for him right now.

A medical internship is very tough - it's historically designed as a sort of "bootcamp" for doctors to prove they can take it. Fortunately, many medical programs are rethinking this old philosophy and are lightening the loads of interns because of how unhealthy it is, and because exhausted interns run the risk of unkowingly harming their patients.

I work in a hospital (not as a medical provider though), and I hear a lot about the stress interns must deal with. In fact, in the past few years, there have been several in our hospital who have committed suicide. Believe me, it is making the administration do some serious thinking.

Perhaps instead of him driving to see you on his days off, you could drive in to see him? It would give him more free time, since he wouldn't have to be on the road, and he might be more relaxed during the visit. I think it's great that he has contact with his family during this tough time.
 
Hi Janie:

Sorry to hear this. My son was recently in the hospital for 5 days and WOW the interns are amazing. I have so much respect for them and the fellows.

Shannon had great advice too!

Its SO HARD as a mom not seeing your kids happy. He is lucky to have a Mom who loves him so much.
 
Papillion,

I'm so glad you found what you meant to do in life. WOW! You are courages. Seems there are a lot of people out there that wished they could have something else in life. (me included work wise) I guess we have more maturity as we get older, and won't stand for anthing else but the best. Congratulations, I'm glad you did something about it.

I'm fairly certain that my son made a mistake about one of the places to study under to become a doctor, and that is military oriented (which he didn't know at the time). Every thing else he's made the right choices. But in the end, he will still have accomplished being a doctor. He loves being an ER doctor, just not under this particular hospital. And again, he still has a year to go to get through it.

You can call me Kathyrn, you can call me Jay but you doesn't has ta call me Janie.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Ann Marie,

As an intern, there is no time for anything. There are no friends thats why I thought maybe, he could possibly have a pen pal of sorts. Your right though, this will pass, but it will take another year.

Thank you for showing concern.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
SRP,

Yes, I do agree on everything you are saying. Isn't just so sad, the programs have to treat interns like that? We are seeing him as often as we can, but he loves comming over here also. Our place is so serene, and full of wild life, also we have computers for him to play outrageious games, and our support as well. He even gets to tell us his suggestions about things around here. We listen.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Robyn,

Thank you for realizing how great these interns are. They are amazing. I have to take my hat off to them.

I hope your son is feeling better, and glad he had a good experience with these remarkable people (interns).

You know what? we're lucky to have a great son, he is a dream come true. We also know that he loves us as well.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Barb,

He is struggling with depression, and he is burnt out. We just have to try to help him hold it all together for another year. I know he is strong, but man, I hate that he has to go through this. He also knows he has us to vent on, and to talk to. I'm sure it is helping.

These articles are great. Thank you for finding them.

I'm not afraid he might do something to himself, or anyone else for that matter. As a mother, it is so difficult to watch him go through this and not be able to help any further than what I'm already doing. It's not like he is a baby anymore, and all I had to do was put a band aid on and give him a big kiss and a hug, and it was over and he was happy again. This is the real world for him now, and it can be very hard. Well, he will be a stronger and better person through all of this once internship is over.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Janie,
I agree with everyone that you are doing all the right things and that you are very in sync with your son. (((hugs)))) to you for that mom-feeling of wishing there was a bandaid or popsicle you could pass along.

I have a friend who is an ER doc -- a woman -- and it seems (IMHO) that there is a hard attitude in ER work (that really serves patients well, but is hard on the docs) that encourages just bucking-up and if it's not bleeding, you don't need to make a fuss.

With depression and stress, it's paying attention to the little things: watching a stupid TV show, eating a fun cereal, etc. talking to your mom,that can make you feel a bit brighter -- and that kind of mentality that you can provide him I'm sure brightens his day.

My ER friend has a hard time empathizing with her kids at times and it must be tough for them. But if I broke my leg, she's who I'd want in the room: so maybe it can help your son to know that the atmosphere that is driving him into the ground is also helping people, bottom line is: he is saving lives and in the process shouldn't minimize doing anything, no matter how small to make himself smile.....

good luck!
Barb
 
Hi Barb,

My son was really wise during his even more younger years. He got his military experience out of the way, then he donated his time to travel in the Peace Core for a couple of years. Then he studied in other countries to further his medical education, and used those cultures he learned to pass on to his patients. He can understand more than 3 languages and makes himself understood. Trust me, this was not easy for him, he struggled then too, coping without running water, being in Africa and trying desprately to educate people to prevent them from getting aids...he has already done so much good in his short life time. The 3rd world countries were the hardest on him.

My point is, that you are on the money when a simple thing as watching a dumb TV show, or taking a walk with his ma or pa, or anything to take his mind off work. Good advice, thank you.

Janie

"If you can't say anything nice about someone, then don't say anything at all."
-My mother, Mary Cooper-
 
Janie,
Your son sounds just amazing. My goodness that is a tremendous amount of work to help others in need.

I am glad that anything I wrote could be at all helpful.
He is lucky to have you and you must feel so glad to have him -- and understandably torn up to see such a wonderful man struggle.

Keep doing what you're doing!!
Barb
:) :) :)
 
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