My MIL needs help

[purple_magada]

My FIL's wife (she is not my DH's mom, it is his stepmom, but I still consider her my MIL) is slowly slipping into depression. Mark (my DH) has joked that Carol was always a bit nuts but this is actually serious. She stopped out at our house the other day and started telling me how she thinks she is going nuts. She has herself convinced that she has cancer. She is a hypokondriac and is always "sick". She said she found a lump in her breast, went & had it checked out by 2 different doctors and they told her it is NOT cancer. Then she had to have a mole removed b/c it was precancerous, well she thinks she has cancer. She said she stands naked and examines her entire body for moles. She thinks Splenda will give her cancer and is also attibuting that to her scares b/c she recently was using it excessively. (although she still drinks diet soda, go figure). She went to her doc and he put her on Zoloft. She took it for 5 days and became suicidal. I guess she is going back to the doc this week and will try Lexpo (is that the correct name?).

I feel very bad for her. She is seriously considering going to counseling but hasn't reached that point yet. This is my question though, she always asks for my son to come out. She'll say he should come out and spend the night or go here or there with her. I am very over-protective of my son, he has never spent the night at their house. I do NOT trust my FIL watching my son, he is so irresponsible. Anyway, my son is 4 and after this conversation with her, I do not feel comfortable leaving him with her. How do I politely tell her? She is already depressed, I don't want to tell her that I don't trust her with her own grandson.

 

[ColleenM]

That's a tough one. I definitely think you are doing the right thing. I don't know how I'd quite approach it tho.

Colleen

 

[materialsgirl]

Can you just tell her you don't think your son is old enough to sleep over at another person's house without you there?

 

[clareMc]

dana:


no way do you let your son go to her house. She cannot be responssible for herself right now, how can she possibly be left responsible for yuor son? Please keep him with you at all cost, even if you have to hurt her with the truth to do it.

You don't have to use the words "crazy" or even "depression", just say, "honey, you are sick right now and you need to look after yourself. It will be too much for you to handle to look after my son aswell. Once you are better, then let's make some plans for him to come stay with you."

And that's it. You are his parent, you have the total say in this. Don't let anyone work you over to persuade you to let your son go to your MIL when it goes against your gut instinct. Don't inflict that upon your son.

God luck,

Clare

 

[pink_fortitude]

Oh, I am so so sorry! I know that this is really stressful for you! I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your child there. I wouldn't.

We had some issues with my DH mom (not the same ones but she does have mental issues). We talked about what our concerns were with the kids being over there and HE talked to her. He said that the kids can't do overnighters and we won't leave them over there without one of us there because of x,y,z. (Basically he is the spokesperson for us because it is his mom and, fortunately, we agree.) Until she changes her patterns and behavior, we will not leave the kids with her. We know that she would never hurt them intentionally, but the kids pick up on her behavior and start acting just like her and repeating the things that she has said.

I don't know where your husband stands on all this though. How does he feel? I know this is so hard especially since she is depressed. I will definately be praying for you and for her!

I hope that there is someone out there with more experience in dealing with depression!!!!

Missy

 

[rmrmr]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I definately agree with everyone else, do not let your son stay with her unattended. You are the parent and decision maker regarding your son.

In January, my stepmom tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized, stomach pumped, etc. She is now on anti-depressants and goes to counseling. Since this incident I do not leave my children with her unless my dad will also be there. She also asked the immediate family to not tell any other family members what actually happened. Well the problem here is that my nephew has a daughter and would like her to spend time with his grandparents (my stepmom and dad) but he is not aware of her situation. I have offered to watch his daughter because I do not want her with my stepmom. She does have some mental problems and is being treated for them, but I don't trust her with my children or anyone else's for that matter.

Good luck to you.

Diana