My home is about to become a shelter (Katrina)

amy_b

amy_b

Cathlete
Okay, my cousin and her six children are moving in with us for a while because they lost their home in Louisiana and her parents and brother also lost their homes. The brother is moving in with my brother, the parents are moving in with my parents and I get the big crowd.
I'm grasping at straws here for any advice. I've never made such a big adjustment, I don't think. Is there any advice???! I'm not sure about structure, ground rules, bathroom sharing, etc. I want to be welcoming, I don't want to make them feel like they are imposing, I want us all to survive this as well as we can, so probably we should make some administrative decisions, but I don't know what they would be! Sorry, I know I'm WAY off topic here.
I think I'm okay on space and she homeschools all the kids, and we have a homeschool study center nearby and I think I will ask them to use that for part of each day so that I can have just a little bit of quiet time to be "home." Do you think that is a decent request?
 
No advice, but bless you for taking in such a crowd. My sympathy to your cousin and her family. I hope they can get back in their own home soon, and you can stay sane until that happens. Just remember to laugh!
 
BLESS YOU!!!!!!!! You are a wonderful individual for doing such a great thing. I wish I had some advice, but I'm sure it will be a very emotional thing and you can definitely vent here with all of us.

GOOD LUCK!

~Marcia~
 
Amy,

Bless you for doing this...that is so awesome! It will be tough, but it will worth it to be able to help someone like that.

I don't think you are out of line at all to ask that they use the homeschool center...it's well within your right to make that requests. And if they truly appreciate what you are doing for them, they will comply cheerfully.

My prayers go out to you and your family...


~Marietta
FITXME
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I think it's great that you can help your cousin and her family!

How old are the kids? Old enough to understand time schedules? I'm thinking that at least for starters, you might want to set up some sort of shower routine, so that there's no rush on the hot water, and nobody ends up taking a cold shower.

Meal times - are you the type that likes a sit-down family meal? I'd be very firm here if you are. With this many people, the kitchen could be a bit chaotic.

I think it's a very good idea for them to use the homeschool study center. I think it will help to relieve any tensions that build, with that many people in one house.

Whew. I don't have a large family, and I'm not good at dealing with large numbers of people. Good luck - to all of you. They'll be able to get back on their feet sooner because of your help.
 
No advice for you - sorry! - but you have a huge heart to be doing this for your family. I hope everything works out for all of you!
 
Her kids are very well disciplined (at least that is my impression of them from VISITS! I have never lived with them before. :D They range from 16 down to 5 and they ARE good kids. I think I'll say that we need to be out the door at 7:45 so if we can have the showers from 6:45-7:30 then we'll be gone and they can have them any time after that. My parents own the building where the homeschool center is so they can go there for free.
Meals, I'm not sure! I do cook usually and I cannot do all the cooking for that many people. However, I do often have large groups here and we can seat everyone. I think you are right that we will need to make some more structured plans there.
We have a huge grill and we can get bags of fruit and fresh veggies. I don't want to budge on our "clean eating" so that may be an issue.
What else am I not thinking of??? YIKES!
 
What a generous person you are for doing that, how wonderful! I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask them to use the study center for part of the day. They will probably enjoy the change of scenery as well. Best of luck!

Lori
 
Hi Amy,

You are so generous. Your cousin is so lucky to have you.

I don't think it's at all out of line to ask them to use the homeschool study center. In fact, they may even appreciate it. They probably have many of the same concerns that you have. Maybe you can pull your cousin aside and enlist her help and suggestions. She's probably worried about being a burden and would appreciate the opportunity to contribute.

There's a special place in heaven for people like you. God bless.

Michele
 
Hi Amy!

I agree with what has already been posted, so nothing really earth shattering to add to that. I would only add that I think you may want to appoint your self in charge of the daily schedule to create a definite structure. Of course you will incorporate some flexibility to that for individual needs, but really I would create as much structure and stability in your day as possible. Remember your family members have been through a HUGE ordeal which is far from over. They can barely think at all much less try to have a normal life at this point. It will be hard for them to know what they want because they will have constant worry on their minds from the tragedy. If you create the structure for them I think it will make it easier for them to cope. It can be hard to make even the simplest decisions when you are stressed.

Two years ago when we had the huge wildfire here in San Diego we were evacuated from our home for three days. It was the most terrifying experience to see a wall of flames many miles long and only a few hundred feet from our house (we live next to a huge open space preserve). We believed as we drove away that we would never see our house again. We were lucky that we didn't lose our home, but those three days of not knowing were torture. I'm so glad we had friends who had their composure and could take us in. They handled everything for those three days including buying food and supplies for our pets. I could not even think straight at that time so I cannot imagine what your family is going through. So, sorry this is so long, but you get my point.

You are so wonderful to do this! I cannot express what a relief it must be for them to have such a caring family.

:) Nicole
 
Amy, it is so great that you are doing this for them. I don't have any good advice beyond what has been offered, but I commend you and your family for helping. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like to be in their shoes right now.
 
Amy, what a thoughtful and completely selfless gesture! I think they'll be so grateful for a place to stay that any reasonable request you make of them they will gladly agree to. I also think you've been given great advice already with respect to setting up a schedule. Since their lives have been so disrupted, a bit of structure would probably be welcomed right now, and it would give you a sense of control over your own home.

Carol
:)
 
God Bless You!!! I think you are very smart to be thinking of the scenarios that may come up now, as I'm sure everyone is sure to be very emotional. I cannot even imagine what they must feel like. You've got a great head on your shoulders and a wonderful and generous heart and spirit. I wish you all my best!!!
 
Thank you, everyone!
Nicole, somehow you made me feel their pain. I should be more concerned about them than I am about "my space." Suck it up, Amy! ;) I will just discuss her needs and our needs when she gets here and we will see how we can make the best of everything. If we are talking about a long while, I'd rather have a few things discussed early rather than wait until it is driving me crazy. But I think they will get an apartment if it really is looking like a LONG time. I hope it goes okay, though, I and know we are all just going to have to do the best we can. I can't say no to her. That would mean she would be living with 6 kids in the Astrodome or Reunion Arena. No member in my family or friend of mine will do that!
 
Nicole, I hope that I could do the same thing if I had to. You're allowed to feel a bit freaked when it comes to thinking about losing your space, routines, etc. we all would.

My suggestion would be that you could have a family meeting once per week to sit down and discuss how things are going, where things could be improved, etc. Encourage everyone to say how they feel. That will keep the lines of communication open and hopefully keep any tension to a minimum.

I also know that if I were in the situation of the family, I would be so grateful, but wouldn't want to feel like a burden. I would want to help out in any way I could. It would also probably keep my mind off of the horrible reality of it all. So, I think you should share the load with them, whether it's cooking, cleaning up, etc.; I'm sure they will want to help out and it will keep you from becoming overwhelmed.

I also don't think it's too much to ask to have the kids schooled at another location.

Keep us posted on how things are going.
 
Amy what you are doing is amazing. It is so easy to look the other way. In times of adversity, true character is revealed and you have just shown yourself to be one h*ll of a human being.

Good luck!

Tammy
 
Amy B, like everyone else, I admire you tremendously for what you are doing. And I would bet a buffalo nickel that the adjustment won't be traumatic at all, given that you're anticipating possible problems before they happen.

Kudos to you!

Annette
 
Amy - you're a hero! :) My simple advice is 1) remember that they have been through a horrible experience and may not be themselves. They may be more emotional and "touchy" than normal. Normally I am all about polite bluntness but when dealing with traumatized people I'd say - tread gently, while respecting your own home and needs, of course. And 2) invite them to be honest about their fears of imposing or angering you. talk about how this is new ground for everyone. Maybe sit down with everyone the 2nd or 3rd day and have a huge family meeting where ground house rules aqnd chore tables are discussed. That way they won't feel like interlopers and will feel like they have had a voice, no matter how small.

Just one girl's thoughts!

Sparrow

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