My best friend got engaged and I'm miserable?

D

divagirl

Cathlete
My best friend who has been with her boyfriend 6 months longer than I've been with mine just got engaged. I've been with my bf for a year. I was thrilled for her since she's wanted to get married for so long in general. She's the girl who had dreamed of getting married since we were young. After about 10 minutes into the conversation I had to fight back my own tears.

All I could think is she's engaged and I can't even commit yet to living with my boyfriend who's been wanting us to move in together for 6 months now. I just moved out and am living on my own for the first time and I really love it. I do not feel ready to share my space with anyone, even the man I love yet I feel so behind in my life. I know I'd like to be married one day and have kids yet I soooo don't feel ready or a strong desire to make it happen now and I feel like "what's wrong with me?". I'm 33 for gods sake. And, I can't stop crying.
 
Diva, there is nothing wrong with you. When you're ready to commit you'll know it. Take this time and enjoy spending some time alone. I hear that it's good to live by yourself before you live with someone else. I'm not sure why, but that's what I've always heard.

Jennie

~Straighten out, fly right~

Cathe Friedrich
 
Diva, it's great that you know you're not ready and that you are true to your feelings. To everything there is a season, right? When you're ready for the commitment, you will know it with every part of your being, and you will be excited about it! There's nothing wrong with you. You would be so miserable if you made a huge decision based on what you or others "think" you should be doing right now in your life. Be true to yourself first.
 
I'm not sure what to tell you, Divagirl--sometimes it's hard to understand your own emotions and needs. I think you have to stay true to your own feelings and your own timing. I see what you mean about being "behind" but everybody does these things at different times, especially in this day and age. I happen to be 33 myself, and though I have a husband and 2 kids, I often feel behind in other ways. I still tell people I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! Anyway, it's late and I'm tired and I don't know if I'm making sense, but just wanted to say I hope you feel better about this soon and be true to yourself. And I send you hugs.
2.gif



[font face="comic sans ms" font color=teal]***Lainie***

My fitness blog: http://web.mac.com/lainiefig/iWeb/Site/Exercise/Exercise.html
7.gif


"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself." -- M
 
It sounds to me, but your post and other posts of yours that I have read, that you are very happy in your life. I think living on your own is an invaluable experience and really really great. It sounds to me like the reason you are upset is because of societal pressure that, by the age of 33, you should have a husband and kids and a white picket fence. Maybe you don't want that, maybe you aren't ready.

You need to be true to yourself always, and honor your feelings and needs and wants. If you are happy living alone and dating your boyfriend, then go with it!!
 
I lived alone for a long time before I met my fantastic husband. I used to envy all those married couples. It has to be the right man for you and yoy'll know it! Now all of my friends envy me!
Ellen
 
Diva, if you are "behind" at 33, then I must be really behind at "46" because I am not married and never have been. I believe there is no timeline if any for getting married. You must do what you feel is right. I think it is wonderful that you are living on your own and loving it. So many people are afraid of being alone and just jump into marriage because they don't want to be alone. I have seen many of my friends do that and now they are unhappy and/or divorced. I have learned that we must listen to our own hearts not someone's else. Enjoy your time alone for now. When the time is right for you to get married, you'll know it.
 
I think your reaction is somewhat normal. No, you are not ready for marriage YET but obviously you want to get married at SOME POINT and perhaps the "little girl's daydream" of getting proposed to, planning your wedding, etc is making you weepy...or perhaps it's simply that the happiness for your friend has brought you to tears. I cried like a baby the night my BF got engaged! Don't feel bad about it. You will be fine and eventually you will be happily helping your BF plan her wedding! Have fun with it!Some day, when you are ready, I am sure she will cry when you get engaged as well!:)

FWIW, I envy you. I went from living with my mom, to having my my fiance move in to my mom's house to buying and moving into a house after getting married. I never got to have a place that was just mine! It's my one regret....ENJOY IT!
 
>
>FWIW, I envy you. I went from living with my mom, to having
>my my fiance move in to my mom's house to buying and moving
>into a house after getting married. I never got to have a
>place that was just mine! It's my one regret....ENJOY IT!

I totally agree Wendy! I did the same thing. I lived with my parents, got engaged and moved in with my husband. I really regret never having that time to myself(although I love my DH to death.:) )

I think some of this is 'the grass is always greener' syndrome. I know when I was dating my now DH I couldn't wait for us to get married and I was sooo jealous when anyone else got engaged. Then I got married and was envious, to some degree, of the freedom my single friends had. I think it is normal to feel a little jealousy/envy when someone else gets something that we want, even if we KNOW we aren't ready for that thing yet.

I really applaud you for doing what is right for you. A lot of people would be 'trying' to get engaged or married or whatever it is they are envying rather then recognizing that they aren't there yet and just doing what is right for them and trusting that they'll be happier doing it in their own right time.:)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top