Mean Girls

[darkangel]

Wow, does this bring back memories. I suffered from this type of treatment as far back as I can remember. It's one of the big reasons why I hated school. It was really bad in junior high because I was zoned with all the rich kids. High school was a little better in that I found my niche in art and band.

 

[sparrow]

Who do the schools allow this? Why don't they take a zero tolerance policy on this kind of thing? God, it just infuriates me that sweet, decent kids have to go through this kind of thing.

I recently was an aide at my niece/nephew's school and I have to say, as much as I loved doing it for them, I probably won't go back next year simply because of the behavior of many of the kids. I worked with kindergarten and found that most of the kids just had no interest in adult authority. They did what they wanted, when they wanted. I felt really bad for the well-behaved kids, they'd try to get some justice once in a while but really, there was nothing I could do.

Sparrow

 

[Cleo]

I don't know if this is a nationwide program or not, but the school district I work at just started implementing the CASS program at the high school and middle school level, and we've been seeing some good results (CASS = Creating A Safer School). The Ophelia Group heads it up and recruits high school students ("mentors") to go to the middle school and work with the younger students in recognizing, naming, avoiding, and dealing with many forms of direct and indirect peer aggression. Hearing some of their stories and really opening up the lines of communication has been really powerful on both ends.

This is the program's pilot year at our school and we're still working the bugs out, but you might want to check into it and see if your school district knows anything about it or has a comparable program.

 

[Juliebeth]

"My advice is to get your girls involved in SOMETHING so they find their special talent or skill and have self-esteem and possibly real friendships resulting from that."

Ditto! Absolutely!
My daughters went through the same stuff, and it actually began a bit earlier than 3rd grade. You can't get away from it; it gets even nastier as they get older, especially if DD doesn't fit into the cookie-cutter mold of whatever seems to be the *hot* thing of the day.
However, if they have *something* that they are good at and can call their own, that they achieve through their own efforts and have success with, they can thrive rather than just survive. And they can do this without having to resort to the methods these other, pathetic girls use to make themselves feel superior.

Julie

 

[cwsoxfan]

Cleo ~ That's a good idea. I'm going to look into that and see if our schools have that program or something like that.

Julie ~ I agree with you, too. I have always had my dd and ds involved in after school activities. Currently, gymnastics is her thing and my son's is karate. For my son, he's really gained confidence since starting.

Dallas

 

[nancy324]

Midnight-

You've had a lot of great suggestions from people here who are parents. I'm not a parent, but I can see that my nieces really thrived in a small private school.

The one who is now an 18-yr. old was content to be a nerdy brainy type, and found others who were just like her, and the other kids respected them and left them alone. I think in another school she would have been driven to tears on a regular basis. Today she is a wonderful, confident young woman.

The 13-yr. old was always the type who had it all: looks, brains and athletic ability, but developed a big heart and was confident enough to be the one who set a good example for the other kids, by being nice to everyone. Her school is all girls, and they wear uniforms. I'm sure that in another school she would have been the Top Meanie.

I know it's a pricey option, but for my nieces, it was more than worth it. Just a suggestion on the off chance that it may be an option for you.

-Nancy

 

[maxwells]

Lois --

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this right now. It seems so young, doesn't it? I also went through pretty much the same thing when I was growing up (although it started in 6th grade). It IS a difficult time that I never wish to re-visit. It also followed me into my adult life. For a very long time, my friends were mostly guys because, honestly, I noticed exactly the same thing (boys don't do the same petty crap). I didn't trust women. I'm still working on that one but am making some good progress -- especially since meeting some great women on this forum! But the truth is that grown women act the same way on many occasions and that is exactly how young women "learn" that behavior. I can't explain WHY it is that way -- since I apparently didn't get that gene However, the upside of the experience (at least for me) is that I learned how to be alone with myself and how to be more independent (no group-think going on). It DID make me a stronger person and someone who won't take that kind of #### from "grown-ups". I think it made me more of a fighter (although I don't like to show that side of myself -- I will if provoked). So the "little bit evil" part of me laughs my ass off when I hear that all of those girls are in the same crappy little town with a dozen kids and no education.

All I can say to you is: tell her how special she is and that this will pass and that those girls won't be important at all in a few years. I'm not sure how to get a THIRD-grader to understand that...but my mother kept telling me that all the time (and I eventually believed her).

Shonie
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

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