Losing your edge to the good life

C

charlotteyochem

Cathlete
Do any of you feel like you are right there on the edge of lovely balance and stability of fitness and diet, but when you get just about "there" you sabotage yourself? Maybe to not feel too self righteous? Or to avoid the annoying remarks of others about always eating so healthfully? Or just because that cabernet is so darn good you must have another couple of glasses or you will be depriving yourself of the good life...

I will be right there on the edge of being just right, if you know what I mean, and then I will have too much wine and blow it. That starts the bizarre cycle of a new level of motivation in the workout room to melt it off.

Without getting into a discussion of how we should allow ourselves some forgiveness for screwing up, etc. (I do not buy that line) I would love to hear your input on balance in this respect. Honestly, I am very trim and fit, and these indiscretions take no more than a couple of tough days to erase, but mentally I just get very disappointed in myself. I feel certain that with our collective level of fitness experience and dedication, that others must know what I'm talking about. Please share. I really would love to bust up this cycle.
 
Yes. That is the story of my life. I do it with everything. The reason I do it, I think, is because I have a very demanding and perfectionistic side to me, and if I meet one goal, I'll demand even more of myself. If I keep showing myself that I can't quite make this goal, I can't ask for more. So I play a little game with myself of never quite making it 100%.

I may be crazy, but at least I understand how my insanity works. ;)

Nancy
 
Amazing, Nancy. Me too. To a tee... This requires further pondering. I have been pushing right up to the edge of my goals, though, over the past 5 - 10 years, before I do some sabotaging. The result is that I'm close enough that everyone thinks I'm there and beyond. It only is in my mind that I'm not. Interesting, right?
 
I'm not trying to justify anything--but I think sometimes pushing up to the edge of goals and then stepping back is a way of recalibrating ourselves. It's like the body and mind's way of saying, you've been pushing a little too hard, too regularly and I need a break.

I think about this sometimes as how to manage these blips and understand them.
Then I think, is the overall forward trajectory I'm on still moving ahead....

Or I think if I overdid it with pretzls or whatever, was there a reason, i.e. did I undereat just enough for the prior few days to trigger this kind of blip.

-Barb:)
 
Charlotte, yes, it's fascinating to me. Kudos to you for realizing you're doing it. They say that realizing what you're doing is half the battle. For me, that half of the battle took about $100,000 of therapy, and I still don't know how to stop it. I guess I'll need another $100,000 of therapy. ;) :p :+

Nancy
 
You know, I recently saw some reruns of that "America's Next Top Model" show, and one of the contestants (who was just gorgeous) totally sabotaged herself. Tyra said something to her like, "Sometimes we walk away from success before it can walk away from us."

That really resonated with me. I achieve my goals and then sabotage myself regularly, in all aspects of my life. I think I do that because it makes me feel more in control... or something. :)

Anyway, you're definitely not alone!

Marie
 
Marie, I agree with that comment. Fear of failure may be another thing that holds us back. Sometimes it's easier not to even enter the contest than to not win it. I remember when I was in grade school preferring an "F" for not handing in my homework to a "B" for homework I handed in, because my best friend always got A's!! :eek: If you don't try too hard, you'll never have to deal with not being the "best".

Nancy
 
"The result is that I'm close enough that everyone thinks I'm there and beyond. It only is in my mind that I'm not. Interesting, right?"

Charlotte, these words are my life. I struggle on a daily basis with the whole balance thing. Everyone thinks I have it so together with my eating and fitness. I too have been in therapy for years. My recent therapist has helped me the most of any of them (yes there have been many). She believes that this will always be a struggle for me. For so long I kept waiting for the day when I'd wake up and be free of this. It wasn't until this therapist that I realized that maybe it is going to be with me always. How I choose to deal with it will make the difference. Some days/weeks are better than others. I am working on trying not to be so perfectionistic. A true chore coming from a father who expected nothing but.

One interesting thing that my therapist has me doing is thinking in terms of the now. This is very difficult for me. DH is in the military, and I spend my life wondering where our next duty station will be, when he'll be home from various deployments, how great life will be when he gets out, etc. I am always wishing my life away. My therapist is working with me to help me accept that all we really have is the now. Memories are just that. The future is not something that we can predict. We think we can, but we really don't know where we will all be in a day or a year, because anything could happen. All we really have is right now, this moment in time. It's a hard concept to grasp, but I am trying to use it to help me find balance.

Anyway, I'm getting off on a tangent a bit. Your words just rang so true to me. People think I have it all down, the eating the exercise. Except for my very close friends and family, these people wouldn't believe how crazy I am with it all. What I want most of all for myself is to accept me as I am right now, today, this very minute, and love who I am. It's all so much easier said than done. Thank you for posting this. You have allowed me to think further into my issues.
--Jennifer :)
 
Living in the now is so fabulous - and difficult. Being in the moment and not reliving the past few days or whatever, or not thinking about how great things will be whenever _____________ (fill in the blank with some future fantasy) is a gift to ones's self. When you can do it, it's awesome. Sipping wine helps me enjoy the moment - maybe that's why I keep doing it!!! And working out makes you live in that moment - another reason we do it! Jennifer, you raise an important issue. More pondering needed. (Lexapro allows me to live in the moment, too, but that's a different thread).

And Barb - that is an excellent point about the natural ebb and flow of our behavior and appetites. Put that together with the need for contrast and variety that many of us have and I think we may have a very good explanation for some of what we are calling sabotaging. At least on an immediate look-see. We may just need a change of pace.

And then there are the outside infuences: you look at the latest "Food and Wine" at the store and suddenly romanticize about opening a delicious bottle of Syrah and sitting next to lovely blooming flowers on the patio with some brie and pate... Or you glance through Women's M&F and can't wait to get home to bust some fibers... Is there a middle ground or am I just a whiner??:7

Because if it is only human to not have that last little bit of discipline that perfectionists like us always expect ourselves to have, but actually have it when we really need it, maybe we should not beat ourselves up??? And just expect that there will be days when we have to work harder to melt off our indiscretions? Just write it off as an ebb and flow thing?
 
Gosh, you guys are deep. I wish I was as introspective as you all. I just want to lose 5 pounds. Then I gain it back. Then I want to lose it again. Then I gain it back. I guess I've never felt near enough to perfection to comtemplate it, much less draw back from it. I do understand the wine thing though. A nice bottle of Zin, a warm evening on the patio, the bluebirds singing as the sun sets....Or even better, a chilled bottle of white Zin, some seafood salad and a beach on St John...priceless.
 
But isn't that exactly what balance is? Finding the right mix of exercise, eating and doing things we enjoy that are not necessarily healthy for us? I love a good Pinor Noir, and think my life would be much more dull without it, especially as a lot of our friends also enjoy a good glass of wine and getting together over rich food (I eat vegetarian 99% of the time - but even with that, food can be very rich). The balance is finding the right amount of wine and good times with friends and family vs achieving our goals. I kind of look at it as what I would regret on my death bed. Will I regret that I was never a size 6 or will I regret that I spent my entire life trying to be a size 6 to the expense of everything else? It's a tough question to answer, for what I feel may be different than what others feel.
 
Charlotte, are you saying that you think you should never drink wine or enjoy some brie or pate? Or just that you do it too often? I would agree that doing it every night would be too much, but I see no problem with going out on the weekend to a restaurant and drinking some wine and enjoying whatever may be on the menu. It may not be appropriate for someone with 50 lbs. to lose, but you say you are "very trim and fit".

As a foodie myself, I wouldn't want to give up my fine dining, nor is it a goal of mine. Like you, I have no weight to lose (fat yes, weight no). No way am I giving up "the good life"!

My fitness area of sabotage is exercise. I can't ever seem to meet my goals, and sometimes just setting them is enough to ensure they won't happen. x( Very frustrating.

Nancy

ETA: I think I was posting at the same time as Christine. Christine, I obviously agree with you whole-heartedly. :D
 
>Because if it is only human to not have that last little bit
>of discipline that perfectionists like us always expect
>ourselves to have, but actually have it when we really need
>it, maybe we should not beat ourselves up??? And just expect
>that there will be days when we have to work harder to melt
>off our indiscretions? Just write it off as an ebb and flow
>thing?

Charlotte, I think you have hit the old nail on the head here. I think humans are imperfect in every way, and that perfection for us doesn't exist. Bad news for we perfectionists but there you have it!! We know it's a losing battle but still we strive. Isn't that the definition of insanity? :p Also, I think it's human nature to rebel when the reins are held too tightly, either by ourselves or someone else.

I had this discussion with DH last night. He doesn't understand why I am so hard on myself and so insecure in my decisions when, in his words, "you do everything so well." The problem is striking that balance, as you say. For instance, I would love to be the type of person who eats clean. At the same time, I've suffered with starving myself in the past and overexercising as well, so it's important that I practice moderation in my food/exercise. So, I may be successful at that,but then on the other hand I am stressed out that I am not eating 100 percent clean, or pushing myself as hard as I can with exercise. If I eat 100 percent clean and really go full-throttle with the exercise, then I worry that I am failing at moderation! UGH. It's no wonder we drink. :D

At the end of the day I guess I am learning that life is too short to be worried incessantly about these things. Exercise is good. Eating healthfully is good. But wine and chocolate are good as well. I don't want to miss out on any of those things. Life goes on.

Great topic, BTW.

Sparrow


My garden is filled with papayas and mangos
My life is a mixture of reggaes and tangos
Taste for the good life, I can live it no other way
- Jimmy Buffett
 
Oh man, I'm so glad we have this thread going. I feel better already just getting out the nagging question and hearing what you guys have to say. Christine and Nancy - that is the dilemma! I want to be the hardbody goddess of the universe yet cannot turn down a bottle or two of pinot. But, the good news is that I have no trouble at all passing up the rich food. Amazing, but I think I may have my MOTHER to thank for that because, growing up, food was not an issue in our household. We pretty just much ate to live through the next tennis tournament or whatever. There was zero food fixation or even much discussion. Now, I do love to cook and even have had a very successful catering business, but it's the good wine that always is my downfall. (Will not touch gross wine or gross beer, so there's not an alcohol problem here, just gluttony).

But like Jennifer said, the argument is only inside my pea-sized brain. If my non-fitness-minded friends read this they would say to you, "She's nuts! Don't listen to her! She is tiny and eats only perfectly healthful foods and works out like a lunatic - we hate her!" Nevertheless, I really am glad to hear that others have this going on in this way and other ways.
 
Far out, Sparrow. You are very eloquent and have summed this thread up beautifully.

I just did Drill Max and pondered all of the above while having my fun (living in the moment). I'm going to start a "Healthy Hedonists" checkin for those of us who equally value a damn good sweat and challenge along with a nice glass. Woo Hoo!! I love you guys for giving me permission to enjoy life on my terms, which really are pretty darn good terms! Let's share it with everyone else!:)
 
Charlotte,
I'm there for the check-in! :7 And I'm totally with you on the pinot noir too. It's my favorite. Do you like the ones from Oregon best or have you found something better?

Can't wait for the check-in!
Nancy
 
I can relate! I too enjoy a good bottle of wine with my gourmet meal now and then. The fact that I love to cook doesn't help the situation! Food has always been a major focus in my family. I come from a long line of gourmet cooks and our family get togethers center around food. I'm trying to eat relatively clean most of the time and only indulge my passions a couple days a week, but even when I stick to that schedule I sometimes feel guilty on my "free days". Regardless, this thread has helped me balance things out a bit.

I was reading on another forum about the physiques of Karen Voight and Debbie Siebers. People were wondering how women their age could have such awesome bods. Aside from the obvious demands of their workout schedules they remark they get that way from eating a very boring, bland, clean diet. Karen's idea of a treat is seltzer water with a splash of lemon, and pine nuts on her salad with no dressing. I couldn't live like that! Grant it, I may never have a body like theirs, but at least I'm not depriving myself of the things I find very important.
 
"I was reading on another forum about the physiques of Karen Voight and Debbie Siebers. People were wondering how women their age could have such awesome bods. Aside from the obvious demands of their workout schedules they remark they get that way from eating a very boring, bland, clean diet."

Yeah, and the plastic surgery doesn't hurt either. :p :+
Nancy
 
Have you seen the different body Karen Voight has in her Energy Sprint video? Plastic surgery indeed. Most women live in the real world and the real world means that we do it mostly on our own with very little outside help. We need to be careful who we compare ourselves to.

I am very, very fit and very, very far from trim. I could obsess, and I often do, or just embrace moderation. It is a battle I fight everyday. Sometimes I win and sometimes........................well you know.

I really hate the weight thing. Too bad I don't feel the same about chocolate.

Cheryl
 
WOW! This thread is sooo me!! I workout at least 6 days a week, mostly 7. I'll start to lose weight and then bam sabatoage my self. I love to cook and love to have a glass or two of wine. I especially love to cook with a glass of wine. I need to lose about 10 lbs. and my weight fluctuates 5 lbs constantly. I find if I get too hard on my self I will eat or drink more because I feel what does it matter I'll never lose the weight. I enjoy food and many times that is how I express my love or affection for friends and family. I'll cook their favorite meals, go all out when we have guests over.....
It bothers me that I can be pretty fit ( I do Cathe with no problems) but be pudgy.
I'm happy this thread came about It has made mw really ponder about what is going on in my head. Lots of "food for thought" as they say. I do believe that life is too short and everything in moderation, I guess I need to work on more of the moderation.
Best of Luck to all!
Jen
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top