losing loved ones

[kariev]

do you ever get in a mood where you think about losing loved ones close to you (including pets)? It seems like i have been doing this lately and it is completely freaking me out! Right now just thinking about it makes my tears fill up. Sometimes I get so scared to lose people who are close to me. I think it stems from losing my father 7 years ago to lung cancer when he was only 53. He has missed out in important parts of my life such as my wedding and graduation from graduate school. Not to mention my mom is still missing him tremendously and she doesn' know how to move past it. I recently have been starting to go through problems with my brother. He has come forward to using oxycotins as well as being an alcoholic but he's still in denial that he can quite it all himself without support/rehab. I'm afraid of losing him too I just feel really sad tonight. I'm even looking at my dog right now and thinking "your getting so old". Sometimes it feels so scary to love things b/c it hurts so bad when they are taken away.

 

[LaughingWater]

Sure. I think it's normal for one's mind to wander in this area, even if it is unpleasant. I think it can be helpful though (provided it doesn't persist and get in the way of enjoying life in general). It's like an opportunity for your mind to consider and prepare. You don't like it, naturally...but at least you aren't in denial, pretending it will never happen. I feel something like this is much tougher when you fear it so much, you desperately try to ignore it. (Then again, it could be a personality thing. I tend to face things head on, while I've noticed some others like to not think about stuff like this ever.)

Anyway, I've meditated on this quite a bit. I'm sorry about the loss of your father, and I'm sad to hear your brother is suffering. May he find the help he needs soon. <3

 

[kathryn]

Yes, I will sometimes think of those I've lost, especially if something reminds me of them. Just the other day, I was in a new store, and they sold some kinds of candy in bulk that my father (who died in 1989 of colon cancer) used to buy me when we went on vacation. I immdiately thought of him (almost as if he were still around).

 

[janie1234]

Yes, I just lost my mother in law, who was my best friend to lung cancer 2 weeks ago and the pain is still fresh. It is a reality that a lot of times we want to sweep under the carpet and when it happens we feel unprepared and knocked off our feet with greif. I feel horrible that I never got to tell her how much she meant to me. Although she had the cancer for 11 months and we knew that it would ultimately take her life I still felt like I should have had more time with her.
I'm sorry with what you are going through with your brother and for you loss with your dad. I like to believe that eventually time will, . . although not entirely, . .somewhat heal our wounds.

 

[Jonezie]

Kariev, I lost the canine love of my life, Astro Jones, a couple of years ago after 18 years with him. I didn't think I would make it through his loss. The last week of his life, I moved my mattress to the floor to sleep next to him. And it still triggers a pain deep inside to think of his last day.

It's ok if you're having these feelings. I think it's our way of role playing in advance. Schools across the nation have emergency and fire drills so they can plan their reactions during a time when they can think clearly.

The day you are fearing will come, unfortunately. But you will have every power and the presence of mind when it does. And you can know that the love you have for the precious pets and people in your heart stays right there with you.

You are loved, Kariev! Always!

 

[kariev]

Thank you so much ladies for all your responses. I thought i was going crazy feeling this way and its nice to know i'm not alone. Its nice to be able to come here and vent my feelings without feeling judged. If anything, these feelings lately have made me realize that I need to value time spent with family and friends and not complain about doing things with them or complain about them in general. In the grand scheme of things, we are here for a short time and need to appreciate all the good and bad experiences that come our way.

Jonezie: your story just made me cry! I wish dogs lived as long as birds do (up to 80 years)

Janie: sorry to here about your MIL. Thats one thing i need to do more; tell people around me how much they mean to me.

kathryn: i get those feelings with my dad too. they come out of nowhere and can trigger a crying spree. I miss him so very much. I feel like a part of me has died with him. I was daddy's little girl.

Laughingwater: i agree that part of this is a means of preparing for the inevitable. Facing things head on is the best way to deal with things both good and bad