In Laws?

[lorihart]

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to rant a little. Im sure no one mines.
Before I start my little hissy fit, I first want to say that I have excellent in laws. There is nothing they won't do for us or haven't done and they are always there when we need them.
My SIL is home for a visit with her two small kids and this girl can't do anything wrong in her moms eyes. And she is a sweat girl and I love her dearly but her mother thinks the sun shines out of her a$$!
I asked her last week if she noticed that her mother thinks she is her bestfriend and that she is terribly attached to her. She agreed and said her mother is so dependent on her.Which drives her crazy.
My SIL always lived in this town but she married a guy in the military and moved out of the province. Her mother thinks that there next posting will be back here but that is very unlikely and very unrealistic.They broke the news to her the other day and she started to cry. While she was visiting my SIL she put major pressure on her to come home when they came home for a visit.Finally after alot of stress she decided to fly home with her mother for a little visit. When she does come to visit, the last part of her trip she doesn't enjoy b/c her mother and father start crying and whining for the last week. I also said to her the other day that I really think if you decided to leave your husband and move home with the kids, they would be o.k with it. They have to realize that she has to make her own life.

Anyway.....today I got up and I worked the night shift and had to be back to work by 6:30. DH said mom is making dinner and she is gonna have it ready early so that you can eat with us. I thought that was great. I did my work out and I decided to walk to his parents house with the dog. Not to mention I was starving and thought that dinner would be ready by the time I got there.
When I got there his mom and sister were no where to be seen. His father said," I don't think we are gonna have dinner ready for you in time". I said," no kidding, Im gonna have to get something somehwere". He said, "no, we can bring your dinner up to you at work". I was getting alittle annoyed at this point, and I told him I was to hungry to wait. DH and I ended up going out for dinner after and not bothering with his parents.
I didn't want to sound petty or immature but was it to much to ask to eat with my inlaws? Was it so hard to have dinner ready 30 min earlier so I can eat to ? The thing that ircked me the most was that if it was his sister that had to be at work 6:30 we would have all been eating 5 and not a minute later.
Prehaps I can never compare to their mother/daugther relationship and I have my own mother.But it would be nice to feel just as important. I know she doens't think I am as important as her daughter and I don't even compare but does it have to be so obvious?
Lori

 

[dananmis22]

I was just going to post about my in-laws following my son't first birthday party yesterday! So I can definately feel your pain x( or frustration, and every other emotion you can't even recognize when it comes to where your husband comes from!
My DH mother has five kids, but has one favorite daughter as well. This daughter showed up at my son's first birthday party OVER AN HOUR LATE because....well, she is better than everyone else and she can do whatever she wants. Then when she got there, all she and my MIL did was whisper and talk about my mom whenever she left the room because they are jealous of her because they are fat and she is fit. She blames other kids when her kids start problems. Her son ate a cookie and smeared the chocolate into the carpet -ON PURPOSE-, her daughter popped baloons in the house after the party while, and knowing, birthday boy was napping, and they are 10 and 12. They are brats! The other sister, and I call her that because that is what she is to MIL, has three kids and you better believe that they were yelled at for everything by MIL and fav SIL, even the small stuff (take your shoes off in the house! even though theirs were still on!) To top it off, when my MIL talked to me or my family all she did was talk about herself, the tooth that broke while she was chewing gum, her bladder that needs to be pinned up, the hip surgery that she is afraid of dying from (!) herself, herself, and oh my gosh! herself some more....didn't ask how the family was, how the weather was, didn't ask how the kids were,, about the birthday boy.....It was all about her. (I honestly believe that she creates heath problems so that she will have something to complain about) Even my grandma who is very polite and social avoided her LIKE THE PLAGUE!
I know I should be understanding. She invested her life into her kids and they have all up and have kids of their own. She feels like she has lost my DH because he told her "My wife comes before you, what we do is none of your business and our sex life is none of your business." Yes, she did ask where all we have had sex and she has snooped in our bedroom, and she asked me about our sex life after three kids, and not to find out if it was healthy, but to inquire if I was loose! I told her I won't tell her about our sex life. So she doesn't like me much. GET A FREAKIN' LIFE!


You know, I just realized that our family would be a great Jerry Springer Special. His mother is stupid, mean, nosy and self centered (she only goes to church on Mother's Day because they celebrate mothers on that day. I am not exaggerating). My mom is bossy (she is director of cath lab, radiology and echology. She was made for it, let me tell you!), arrogant, stubborn and, I hate to admit this, snobby. Ooooh! What a fight! (bet you can't guess who I am rooting for!)

so sorry about such a long rant! I am so happy to see that someone has the same struggles that I do! I do feel much better now after getting it all out! Now I can feel better....until this mother's day........




ETA I know that it is mean for me to call her stupid, but it really is how I feel! I am not trying to be mean to her, I swear, I am just really frustrated, hurt and angry.

 

[lorihart]

Uh, you must have been so rotted! I would have lost it!
Im glad my MIL is not to that extent at all. And you know what? Maybe its just me being jealous.But I feel as if her daughter comes before everyone else. And at the sametime I don't think she tries it on purpose.
Its liking she is always trying to find approval from her daughter.One story stick out in my mind.
About 5 yrs ago the three of us were out shopping. She found a shirt that she really liked for my little girl and she asked me if I liked it. I agreed that it was pretty and she then said, " I better check with the boss before I buy it".So she went and asked her daugther what she thought of it. MY SIL liked it as well so LUCKY FOR ME...my daugther got a new shirt! She probably wouldn't have bought it if she didn't like it. But my SIL is not caught up in this game her mom is playing where she thinks they are bestfriends.She wishes her mother would back off a little.She feels like she is being pulled in two different directions with a mother who is crying alot b/c she doesn't live at home anymore and a husband that she has a family with.
But like I said, maybe its just me feeling like I am on the outside looking in. No one as ever done anything mean or meant to tick me off intentionally.They are truly a great family,I just get annoyed when its almost like she thinks my DH as made so many bad choices financially and her daugther as always been wise with her money. Which again isn't true.Its just that she didn't tell her mother the fiancial mess she was in when she lived here and neither did anyome else. She was robbing peter to pay paul.
Anyway, I will leave it ay that.I was talking to DH about it yesterday and he could see where I was comming from. He said his mother treats him the same as she does his sister but I don't see it.
Lori

 

[Timber99]

Lori,

I think every family has one child that sits on a pedastal wearing their crown and being catered to by their mother! Are you picturing your SIL sitting on a fluffy chair with a shimmering crown and velvet robe waiving like a prima donna and being petted by your MIL!?!?!?!?!? ha ha ha! Jsut kidding - trying to make you laugh! I am Italian, so naturally, it is my brother that my mother ADORES. He can do no wrong, he is GOD and ...did you know that my brother can walk on water? And you thought that only happened in the bible...(sarcasm seeping through the internet right now...)

What your in-laws did was probably not meant to be hurtful at all but it certainly was RUDE. Your MIL was probably cuaght up in spending time with her daughter and lost track of your deadline. That was not right, considering that there was a special attempt at first to make sure you were taken care of for dinner. Your hubby was sweet to go off with you and make sure you were all set though

I am not married but BF and I have been together for almost 9 years now. He was always the "number one son" and his brother always complained outwardly about it. There has been a strange turn of events in the past year and now the number one son is definitely the number two choice. It's hard to beileve too, b/c his brother is such a JERK and it's not as though something has changed to warrant this behavior. Well, something has b/c his mom is awfully bitter, angry and mad towards he and I (and we cannot for the life of us figure out why) and in turn, I think that she just gives her attention to the other son. It is truly sickening. When we have to spend time with them all (holidays only, really), I leave the event raving bmad that she teats him (even more than I b/c she is HIS mother) and I so badly. It is just this non-chalant way that she drools over the one son and his wife and sort of brushes us off. GRRRrrrrr....funny thing was that in the past, she had dinner at our hoem adn spent the day once every weekend and usually once per week, she and I were close and hung around together (even without BF), etc. Very weird...

So, I went along that big rant to say...I understand your pain...!