If you MC'd-did you change behavior when TTC??

naughtoj

naughtoj

Cathlete
For those of you that miscarried and went on to TTC again...

1. How long did it take you to conceive? Did you have regular menstrual cycles? Was your next attempt successful? Did you carry to term?

2. Did you change your behavior on the 2nd+ attempt (less coffee, more rest, etc?) as a result of your MC?


I have read that the development of your eggs finalizes during ovulation (first half starts in utero and is then suspended until O). Since it seems things can go wrong in utero (which I worry about since I was born at 26 weeks), at "O", and at the moment of conception, did you alter your behavior the last 2 weeks of your menstrual cycle, from before "O" on?

I want the best chances if hubby and I do TTC. All the things that I might have done wrong swirl in my head. Too much coffee? Drinking at time of ovulation?..blah, blah..I know those behaviors did not cause me to miscarry but could have affected the egg finished product, since they are chemicals? What gave you the best chances/results and don't say LUCK.:p I'm looking for stuff like behavior modification, frequency of intercourse, etc..??
 
I know you have probably heard this a million times but i am very sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage back in january and it was so hard, but you will overcome this and you will get pregnant again and it be successful. Miscarriages are things that sometimes are out of your control. Regaurdless of what you ate or what you did it was inevitable and something you couldnt of changed. I want you to know as bad you feel right now you probably had no control of the situation.
When we TTC again I started on prenantal vitamins before we even tried again. I had my miscarriage and 1 regular period 25 days after and i got pregnant again. They say that you should wait 2-3 regular period cycles before you try again. But, I couldnt wait..LOL. I didnt do anything different than i was doing besides the prenatals. You should be on prenatals if you are trying to get pregnant anyway. You should not change anything..unless you drink (heavily) or smoke. Then you should stop...(obviously) I wish you the best of luck and my blessings.

melissa
 
You are probably tired of hearing from me, but here I am again! You already know I've had multiple m/c and that I was able to have two babies, so here's my .02:

I did have regular periods that went back to normal within two months of each loss. My fertility specialists said there was no reason to wait to try again, that whenever I felt ready to try was fine. I know doctors seem to differ in opinion on this point, so I guess do whatever your doctor recommends.

It always took me between 7 and 15 mos to conceive, which is a normal range. Some months we counted days, and some months we were just spontaneous as far as intercourse goes. If you're actively trying, don't have sex more often than every two or three days. It takes about 48 hours to replenish sperm count to its max. Also, the little swimmers live up to 72 hours within the woman's body, so every other day or so is plenty. You don't want sex to become a chore. Baby-making sex should be the most fun!

I did not do anything differently with any of my pregnancies. I always took prenatal vitamins as my normal supplement. I don't drink alcohol at all or smoke, I don't drink beverages with caffeine, and I always try to eat well, so I had nothing to change or worry about in that area.

The only thing that the doctors changed for me was put me on complete bedrest at 5 weeks until delivery with pregnancies #6 and #7 because it was discovered that I have an extremely incompetent cervix. I had to have a cerclage placed, and was only allowed up for a 10 minute shower or the toilet, and my appointments.

If I can give you a piece of unsolicited advice: Don't get too worried about the next time. Each try is new and different, and yes, very nerve wracking after you have suffered a loss. But a single miscarriage does not mean you did something wrong, or that there is something wrong with you. It's hard to push those thoughts out of your mind, but try really hard to be positive and hopeful. I know it's easier said than done!
 
<<How long did it take you to conceive?>>

Exactly 12 months. I miscarried on my 32nd b-day and ovulated (conceived) on my 33rd b-day. We were advised to wait 3 cycles, but I could not find evidence in the medical literature to support this advice. So, I discussed this with my physician. :) Let me add, I encourage a couple to follow the physician's advice since he/she has access to health histories, etc.

<<Did you have regular menstrual cycles?>>

No.

<<Was your next attempt successful? Did you carry to term?>>

Yes (after several attempts), we are blessed with our DS.

<<Did you change your behavior on the 2nd+ attempt (less coffee, more rest, etc?) as a result of your MC?>>

No.

<<Since it seems things can go wrong in utero (which I worry about since I was born at 26 weeks), at "O", and at the moment of conception, did you alter your behavior the last 2 weeks of your menstrual cycle, from before "O" on?>>

No.

<<I'm looking for stuff like behavior modification, frequency of intercourse, etc..??>>

I didn't change a thing (workouts, caffeine, aspartame,etc... I'm a naughty patient). I am not a fan of isolated or multivitamins so I relied on my diet to meet my nutritional needs. DH decreased his Mountain Dew intake and this had an effect (or is is affect oh well...). I don't want to share the details since it is not scietific evidence, and I am one of those evidence based med people. :) We followed the advice of your fertitliy specialist on frequency of intercourse. BTW, sperm can live up to 5 days in perfect conditions (good mucus)... there are reports of survival up to 7 days but I'm not sure if I believe that. For most of the cycle, the vagina isn't sperm friendly.

Take care!

Autumn
 
I can't offer you personal advice on miscarrying but just want to remind you that miscarriage rarely has anything to do with THE MOTHER'S actions. A healthy embryo can sustain alot, coffe, execise and all that stuff shouldn't cause a miscarriage. From what i've heard women miscarry for many reasons some stemming from defects of the embryo ,others related to the woman's body such as the poster above speaking of incompetent cervix, in other words, talk to your doctor to get info but DO NOT blame YOURSELF, YOUR ACTIONS DID NOT LEAD TO THE MISCARRIAGE. i AM TRULY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS AND PLEAse ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE.
 
Thank you everyone.

My mind will eventually all away from "it could have been something I did" but not even 2 wks post MC, it is still there.

I figure I'll just let it be, take my prenatals, keep drinking 1/2 caff coffee and that's it. Already I'll be in a better position since I was not taking a vitamin when I conceived before.

The waiting is just so hard. It is all you can think about.:eek:
 
I have to agree with the other ladies. It was nothing that you did, or didn't do. I read that many miscarriages are due to genetic defects that are already in the sex cells before conception. I know you will probably keep second guessing yourself anyway, but please don't beat yourself up over it. If you think about it, there are women out there who have terrible pre-natal care, and even women who take drugs and drink alcohol and worse all through their pregnancies and end up with perfectly healthy babies in the end. Doesn't seem fair, but I think it shows that there's nothing you really need to change.

Hang in there. I'll pray for your healing, and please know that I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

Chrissy
 
I agree with what everybody here says. You can do everything right and still have a miscarriage. Many women do and have, including me. For nearly twenty years, I haven't take caffeine, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, junk food, unclean food etc. While pregnant, I shielded myself from chemicals, beauty treatments, etc. I took my prenatals. Still, I miscarried. It is something we have no control over, and that was a hard but extremely important lesson for me. I was only able to realize it though after the initial grief abated. Time can bring healing, truth, and realization if we let it, so, if you can, let its magic work for you.

Apart from the grief and the hormonal imbalance I suffered after MC, I was actually glad to have a break from TTC. (TTC can become an obsession and when that happens, the effort itself can be sabotaged.) Even though my so called biological clock was ticking (I was 41 at the time of MC), and even though I had just lost my first pregnancy, I was glad to have the time off to reflect and to heal from the physcial and emotional loss. I miscarried naturally and bled for two months. By the third month, I had what looked like a normal period. I waited for two more normal periods to pass, and then I felt better physically and emotionally. So after 5 months, my husband and I resumed. It took me six months to get pregnant the second time (at 42). I am currently 6 1/2 months pregnant and very much relieved to be over the MC hump. Now though I have to control my mind with regard to preterm labor anxieties. You can go crazy with worry during this pregnancy thing, I have learned...so another lesson the whole MC episode taught me is that, as cliche as it sounds, I really needed to learn to take one day at a time and not be attached to the outcome. I am still learning that lesson and trying to apply it to this pregancy.

Best of luck to you. I think it is natural after MC to feel impatient about getting pg again. I know that it is one of the swirl of feelings I had to contend with. Every woman is different, but for me I found the 5 months of healing to be emotionally and spiritually necessary. Yes, the clock was ticking, but what's to be will be. Now I know that this baby I'm carrying has really come to me through the grace of God and not any endeavor of my own. You will get pregnant again (I did! At 42!). One thing I remember my doctor telling me as I was bleeding in his office during the MC, "Well, at least we know you CAN get pregnant." This is true for you. You got pregant once and most likely will again. But I feel for you because I am assuming that like me, the MC was your first pregnancy, and I know how quickly this can rob us of the "dewy and thrilled" feelings that problem-free pregnancies are surrounded by.
Manmohini
 
Hi Nautoj,

These are all great questions. I hope some of this helps you move forward but please don't blame your behavior even if you find that modifying helps things along next time, it doesn't mean you did anything "wrong" this time. Really, MC just happens...sadly.

--- PRECONCEPTION ---

1) It took us about 10 months from the MC for us to conceive. We didn't try again until about 4-5 months after, so it literally took more like 5-6 months. My periods were irregular all summer after my MC but I chalk that up to hormones, depression, and stress.

2) Behavior-wise there were lots of changes, some I decided were necessary to due my age at the time, 38+ and thinking I was peri-menopausal b/c my mom started menopause at 42:

- When I got serious about trying again I took a good hard look at my diet and began to add in things that would boost my fertility (Royal Jelly, yams, more fruits and vegetables, flaxseed, etc) and removed things that would decrease it (soy products, caffeine, alcohol, sugar, etc).

- I became a voracious reader of ways to enhance my fertility success and decided to get a Maya abdominal massage to clear my uterus and create a clean & healthy living space for my baby.

- I began to look at my physical/mental state and started doing prenatal yoga nightly for relaxation (on DVD).

- I started acupuncture with a fertility specialist to balance out the imbalances in my body. I felt things were "off" since my MC and my hormones were still out of whack.

- Mentally, I felt that I had blamed myself for the MC and also convinced myself at some point in my life that I was not worthy of a child or that I was being punished by God. I decided I needed to get my thoughts to a more positive place. I stopped seeing the therapist I saw just after my MC and decided to take my fate into my own hands. She was a sad reminder of the loss so letting go of her was positive for me and quite symbolic not to mention empowering.

- I purchased a program from Laurie Morse, a fertility expert. It was a series of CDs with positive visualizations and affirmations on audio. She has a book in PDF format that explains how our thoughts and energy can open the door for a new soul or close them off from entering because we're so pre-occupied with other life things & worries including being overly focused on conception.

The CDs and her voice were EXTREMELY SOOTHING and REASSURING to me. I put the clips on my iPod and listened to them on the way to and from work. I recited the affirmations that were specific to me and created my own. I found myself feeling really hopeful about it in no time. She helps you work through your fears of failure or another MC, it's not just positive fluff. I highly recommend it if you want an injection of hope and a way to feel that you're working toward a goal and doing the best for yourself that you can. Here info is here: http://www.myfertilitysuccess.com/

Just after the maya abdominal massage we were about to take a 3 month break while things "cleared". It was this same month that I learned we were pregnant. Honestly, the conception date makes no sense based on my ovulation -- way too late, it literally just happened and worked...and it was right around valentine's day. :)


--- AFTER CONCEPTION ---

I took my first trimester in stride and did not work out strenuously at all. I avoided caffeine, though I have 1 cup a day now. I ate as healthy as I could given my nausea and gave up alcohol. I didn't take any drugs, not even for allergies the first trimester. I decided that anything I could give up for the baby was what I needed to do to feel good about myself as a mom.

I was aware that something could go wrong, but focused my energy on a positive outcome. I made peace with the idea that this child was on loan to me for whatever length of time God decides, and that I was going to enjoy this little life each day and not take it for granted regardless of what happens. We're at 27 weeks and kicking, and I still operate with this mindset.

The way I see it no one can take these feelings or this amazingly beautiful and personal experience away from me. I love this child so much already and I know that I always will. If anything does go wrong I now know that I AM a MOM, regardless. I've carried this child with me and felt everything a mother feels, loss or no loss. It's been an incredible experience -- much more than I dreamed it would be. :)

My hope is for all the best success for you and your hubby in moving forward.

Best,
Steph
 
I agree with everyone as well. As long as you don't drink, smoke or drink caffeine you should be fine. M/C early on are normally from genetic problems with the baby.

I'm a special case. I've had two now at about 8 weeks and am 37 years old. I had all the tests you can think of and am glad that I insisted on them. I have a balanced translocation. That's where 2 of my chromosomes break off and reattach to each other. I'm o.k. b/c I still have all the genetic material to make me 'normal'. Bad thing is that this can now happen to my babies and it is. That's why I'm miscarrying. Genetic counselor said that we have less than a 1% chance of carrying a baby to term with this condition, which is good. Now with all the different possible combinations of my chromosomes, I have a 50% chance of miscarrying each time. I can have perfectly good eggs or eggs with this problem. So, we're still hoping for a healthy pregnancy some day, but are being realistic in our chances.

Again, you should be o.k. with having only 1, but I would insist in testing if you have more than 1.

A
 
That is very interesting, Amhess, albeit sad. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the luck with a healthy baby someday.

Do they know what causes you to have a balanced translocation? So..some of your eggs are like that and some are not but you still only have 1% chance carrying to term? Genetics is so deep...very hard to understand!

First step right now for me is 1) exercise and eat better to get healthy physically and mentally and 2) reduce my half calf to decaff. I know I take in too much caffeine right now because I like my coffee strong. But that is about the ONLY thing I could possibly be doing wrong, lol

Thank you everyone for the long, informative posts. Makes me feel better.;-)
 
The balanced translocation could've come from my parents or just happened to me, an act of nature. They suggested that my parents get tested, b/c my other siblings could have this and not know it. They could then pass it on to their kids as well and my nieces/nephews could have problems conceiving. My father is passed away, but my mother might get tested, so if she has it, then we know my other siblings should be tested for it too.

The 1% chance is for carrying a baby with this problem to term. She said she hasn't seen any studies of living children with this condition and developmental problems. She said it's only a 1% chance, b/c we will most likely miscarry any embryo that would have this genetic problem, kind of like I have been doing.

If I happen to make it past 12 weeks, then she said we can be almost sure it won't have this problem and it could go on to be a healthy pregnancy. Sorry, it is confusing and even more confusing to explain.

We do have 50% chance of having a normal pregnancy and child, so I'm praying for that!

FYI...I have seen studies where they say Caffeine can cause early m/c. Remember that decaf has a small amount of caffeine as well. I've decided just to give it up for now to be safe. It's a small sacrifice for me, plus I just get headaches from it anyway.

Also, don't dwell on thinking that you did anything wrong. Remember that most m/c before 12 weeks is due to just normal genetic problems with the baby. 1/3 end in m/c.

Hope I wasn't too depressing in my post. Just trying to share everything that I learn, so someone else might not have to go through all of the stress that I have in trying to find out.

Good luck! I'm in my 2ww right now!

A
 
Good luck A, you have a great attitude, I do believe that will help you successfully carry to term with a healthy baby! :) Keep us posted...

Naughtoj, re: the decaf I switched to Teecino, a naturally decaf type of coffee drink. You can mix it with caffeine to cut back and wean yourself a bit at a time, but it really does taste good on its own though. I found it at Whole Foods but you can also buy it online, just Google it.

Best,
Steph
 
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