I want a healthy hubby!

nancy324

nancy324

Cathlete
I've had so many excellent responses from people here, I thought I would bring up a topic that's a little more personal, and very close to my heart.

My husband recently went to a new doctor for his annual physical, and the new doc is wonderful. After the physical, he sent my husband a long email with his results. The doc said my husband has a few problems, including high blood pressure, but that his diet is a "major factor". He said that "A diet rich in fish, vegetables, salads, and whole fruits, while avoiding the simple starches (bread, sugar, flour-based products), cheeses, fried foods and dairy fat WOULD HELP IMMENSELY." (my emphasis) If he doesn't change his diet, he will have to go on medication.

My husband is now in his early fifties, and he's right at that point, as I see it, where he can prevent any serious illnesses in the future. I am a great believer in prevention, and I spend a lot of time and energy preaching to him, and I am wearing myself out.

He has this way of eating that is just like a little child. Hog dogs and french fries are a "basic" in his diet. The buns always have to match the shape of the meat inside them. He loves lettuce, but it doesn't go in sandwiches for some reason, because that's one of the rules. Sandwiches are just meat and bread. He thinks bread smeared with margarine is a good meal! He is blissfully unafraid of trans-fatty acids. He loves chocolate milk and hot chocolate. (He has no interest in adult drinks like coffee or tea, and he does not drink alcohol). He has a total aversion to anything from the sea. He refuses to eat breakfast.

On the good side, his son and I have convinced him to take fish oil pills every day. He also loves salads, which we have been having for dinner every night. It took a while to convince him that a salad could be a main course, but he finally got over his aversion to putting meat in the salad by thinking of it as a "chef salad", which was a familar term so he could deal with it. <sigh> Also, he loves chocolate and I've got him eating Healthy Choice chocolate ice cream at night instead of his other much worse snacks. He loves both vegetables and fruit (thank god!).

I've been making some progress in the 6 or so years we've been living together, but it is slow and takes a lot of effort. Now that the doctor has laid it out for us, I am more anxious than ever to get him on the road to preventing any illness.

I am a bit perfectionistic myself, and I'm a big worrier, so it takes an awful lot out of me. Maybe I get overly involved. Also, I was raised in a family where healthy eating and prevention is our religion, so his whole way of eating is particularly alien to me. I go to a nutritionist myself, and I take great joy in my results. So we are a pretty odd couple!

Thank you all so much for allowing me to vent. I love him so much. Anyone else have these problems? Any suggestions?

Thanks!
-Nancy
 
Nancy,
I hear you loud and clear. My hubby has the same problems, he has a lousy family history and puts on weight very easily. He never exercises, and I worry about him so much. I make my food for the entire family, and every one eats it, but then he'll go and eat 3 chips ahoys as an after dinner snack. People at work always bring in junk food and he eats all of that too. He loves to take the kids for ice cream after one of my healthy dinners.

We were on vacation last week, and he said the Kashi was pretty good if he added frosted flakes to it!
x(

I try so hard not to pick on him, so the best I can offer is keep being an excellent example, make healty food and try to limit the crap food in the house.

I haven't been around much, court reporting is kickin' my butt. I hope eveything is good with you!

Dawn
 
Hey Dawn! Good to hear from you. You're doing court reporting in addition to raising all those kids? More power to you! Sounds like you have a good attitude about your husband's eating habits. After reading my post again, I sound like I'm an overprotective wife. Maybe I need to just get less emotionally involved, and leave him to his own devices. But only after taking out a very large life insurance policy on him! ;)
 
I want a healthy hubby too!! His problems are a bit different. He has had a fractured disc for the last 5 years and just had 3 back surgeries in the last 6 months. He is very anxious about getting back in shape and is quite jealous as he watches me work out.
It's frustrating on both sides of the relationship to have these issues. I think the best way to assure a healthy lifestyle is to be an example. Good luck to all of us!! Debra:)
 
nancy:

I don't think this is a case of you being over protetive or unneccessarily anxious. But if it is, I'm right there with you re: my own dear man. he's skinny enough, but that doesn't mean the heart is healthy and his father died suddenly of a heart attack quite young after a lifetime of climbing and hiking, so there are never any guarantees.....

A couple of questions for you:

1) who does the shopping?

2) who cooks?

3) where do you eat most of your meals?

You cannot control what he eats at work, and some people are not big breakfast eaters, can't abide it myself. If you make him a packed lunch to take to work, you can see to it that he eats some healthy choices from food groups other than meat and bread. But then it becomes a feminist problem: I mean he's an adult, he's not your child, why should you be aking his lunchbox for him?!?!?!?!?!!?

But, if you largely control the shopping, where you eat and who cooks what, then you have some leverage.

If you do the shop, then just refuse to buy any crap food and then if he really craves it, he has to walk down and up 5 flights of stairs and navigate the streets of NY to go get it. And if he's at all lazy about these things like my husband, he'll feel tired just at the thought of it!

Ditto, if you are the one who does most of the cooking, then cook what suits you according to your nutritionist's guidance and unless he really wants to spend a lot of time in the kitchen himself, he'll eat what you put in front of him. There's quite a few feminist issues tucked in there also, for me, but we may have to overlook some of them to turn this man's diet around!!!

If you eat out a lot, it can be more difficult to prevent him choosing the burger options, unless, you decide to try restaurants that offer chinese, indian, French, etc, where there is the opportunity to sample a wide range of fare beyond the meat and 2 veg American standard. And none of them will serve fries!

See if your local library carries " Men's health" magazine (if not, buy one) and leave a few copies lying around the house. Read them yourself too, as it will give you a realistic idea of men's dietary needs, calorie intake requirements and their mentality, what types of persuasion might be effective in your husband's case.

Does your husband workout or take regular exercise at all? This can help nix the noxious effects of the kiddi diet too.

Lastly, as a last ditch effort, you could plaster the walls of the bedroom with large photos and cut out pictures of famus hunky men and men whose physiques you admire. There's an ego in most men, maybe yours will get just sufficiently piqued that he'll swap the choc milk for green tea and heft the dumbells occasionally.

More than this I cannot say for I face a similar situation in my husband who refuses to take exercise saying he's too busy........

Good luck and keep us posted!

CLare
 
Clare-

Your post is too funny! I'm picturing my husband with a big bag of Hershey bars slung over his shoulder like Santa huffing and puffing his way up 5 flights of steep stairs! :D The fact that you remembered what I said about the elevator being down from my other post is so funny!!

Thanks so much for your post and for saying that you don't think I'm overprotective. It's true there are never any guarantees, but we should do what we can to try to prevent illness. Even though your husband is thin, which is great, and he does not need to reduce his fat intake, he should be very careful about the kind of fat that he eats. It is very important, given his history, that he substitute healthy fats for unhealthy fats. So you've got your work cut out for you.

Unfortunately, the supermarket is at the end of our block, so we both pass it every day and we both stop in and get stuff we want. That was one of the reasons I moved into this building. It streamlines my life.

This summer, I have dinner under control because I buy big salads every night near my office and bring them home for dinner. He likes broccoli and green beans and carrots and mushrooms, so he is eating a healthy dinner. It took awhile, but I finally weaned him off bottled dressings, and now he eats the dressing they make fresh where I buy the salads. I can't believe I did it!

Thank goodness, he is a dedicated bicyclist, so, yes, he does get regular exercise when the weather permits. Unfortunately, we've had an awful lot of bad weather lately. <sigh>

I have absolutely no control over what he eats for lunch and how many bags of M&Ms he eats during the day while we're both at work. That is where we spend most of our time, and he is very vague when I ask him. <double sigh>. But I know there is a lot of eating that goes on there, let me tell you. He is never hungry when he comes home. :-(

As for eating out, it doesn't matter where we go. Indian and chinese can be very unhealthy if you make the wrong choices. The sauces can be killers. He does surprise me sometimes though. He loves a restaurant called Zen Palate which is all vegetarian health food. Thank goodness I have had some influence on his palate over the years.

As for jealousy, sure, I use it all the time. The problem with my husband is he honestly doesn't know what is good for him, so he thinks he's doing well when he isn't, and he's not very interested in getting educated.

I'll keep you posted. Thanks again Clare, and let me know what happens with your guy.

-Nancy
 
Hi,
I think you need to be careful how you present this to DH. His behavior is not going to change unless HE wants to change it. It sounds like he has a great new Dr. I am VERY impressed with the email sent. My DH is a physician and I can tell you how totally overworked Dr.s are today because of the health insurance system and the fact that this Dr. took the time to look into your husbands eating and address that as part of his overall health is a good thing. I think the best apprach is for you and his son to keep doing what you are doing, tell DH how important his health is to you and how you want him to be around for a long long time. Make sure there are healthy choices in the house and thats about all you can do. Be careful though to not be to naggy about it or your DH will just drown you out.
On the bright side, he is not into alcohol, thats good. Can he at least switch from regular soda to diet?? Get rid of a ton of calories that way. I know diet is not so great but at least it will cut down on the sugar.

It is frustrating when you watch someone you love so much behave in a way that is so unhealthy but only HE has the power to change it.

Marci
 
I really think it's best if adults stay out of each others food choices. Your DH has heard from his MD and he has heard from you, but if you nag him too much something inside of him will continue to rebel. This is what you want to avoid. What he needs to do is find a way to have his familiar foods on occasion but eat healthy most of the time.

If you get into a power struggle with him regarding his food choices you will both lose in the end.
 
Nancy ..

I understand that! The Spouse (as I call him) is the UCP in our home
(Ultimate Couch Potato). He needs to loose about 40 lbs. And it's rough when you are on the road to better health and you want him to be with you.

I've nagged, cajoled, guilted, but the bottom line is his health is his own. I even signed him up for the YMCA with our eldest son, but as time went on, the excuses came (I have Gout, I am tired, etc). It's frustrating! He's 43, and prone to high blood pressure and the assortment of obesity-related illnesses.

What's more, I have a variety of videos, including the Firm (which I have lost my baby weight from), Cathes (they are growing fast!), and some yoga. The women on most of these tapes intimidate him.

I haven't stopped being concerned, but I have backed off from this subject, mainly because I get so emotional about it.

I feel, unfortunately, that something major will have to happen befor he voluntarily takes his health seriously.

(Sigh) Take care, Nancy. I am thinking of you!

CeeCee

"If I don't stop, I have not failed."
 
Hi Nancy! I too am going through the same thing. I'll be married 20 years come Aug. & have been working out & eating healthy pretty much my entire life but all my DH does is roll his eyes at me. He's put on weight quite recently & finally realized that he better do something about it now. I had purchased a while back for him Men's Health magazine which had 4 simple 20 min. workouts in it. He loves it & has been doing them; I think 20-30 min. is all he can stand so this was perfect. He eats whatever I cook but unfortunately won't eat breakfast at home he still insists on a bagel w/cream cheese practically every morning. I don't quibble over this as the rest of the day I control what he eats :7 I don't have any chips (which are his favorite) in the house to tempt him. He has high blood pressure & takes medication. I told him a long time ago if he just changed his diet, he wouldn't have to waste his money on meds but he doesn't listen. He loves taking his meds. Go figure. I don't know if your husband can pack up his own lunch or maybe you can teach him what to order out at places. It does take time & patience. Good luck! HTH, Kathy:7
 
I can relate 100% to your problems. The doctor's email was great - he gave your husband a blueprint on what to do, and it sounds like you two are working to incorporate some healthy changes into his diet. If he's eaten this way all his life, it will take a long time to make him into a 100% clean eater, but maybe that's not the most realistic goal.

Small changes are the way to go, and you're doing them - sneaking in salads as a main course and substituting lower-fat ice cream. You can also try turkey dogs instead of pork or beef hot dogs (tofu dogs might be too much of a shock to the system;-) ), and the 2% or 1% chocolate milk and low-fat hot chocolate too. Feta/goat cheese is lower in fat than many cow's milk cheeses and it tastes great. If he's a margarine addict, buy Promise or one of the ones with no trans fats. I buy whole-wheat bread, English muffins and pita; many of them still have some white flour but they have a lot more fiber than the all-white stuff. Breakfast is tough; I've gotten my husband to eat it by making healthy muffins for him, or giving him a peanut butter sandwich to munch on at his desk.

I try not to nag my husband about his less-than-stellar eating and exercise habits, but I feel that it's the one area in his life that I can nag if I have to. His health affects me and everyone who loves him, and I don't want to lose him to a premature heart attack or stroke.

Good luck!
Allison
 
No you are not alone in this. My husband who has always been thin until lately (40's) has gained weight in his stomach and I know that his mother had high blood pressure and angina. I am so worried about his awful eating habits and outside of being on his feet as a custodian and working in the gardens, no real workouts. I did get him to work out with the home gym we purchased during the winter but I think that is the only time I will be able to talk him into it. He knows that I will work out every day if I have the chance, he knows that it helps with my weight (and he was much more patient with my overweight issue and did not nag) since he has seen me lose 60 pounds very slowly and deliberately. I also teach aerobics, weights and spinning and he knows that I will assist him personally but I am having trouble getting him to do abdominal work (which is really what his back and abdominals need badly). I do not push it with him.

Well I guess we can only take care of them by making sure we are in the best of health to take care of them. My husband packs his own lunch and he does do sandwichs and I did get him to add spinach. He also eats broccolli now (I almost died when he said he wanted some - I am a broccaholic). Perhaps with time he will become more healthfully oriented.


Oh well, I guess he may surprise me again sometime and workout!
Sheila
 
Hi Nancy.

I too share in your frustration. My husband's diet consists of pizza, mountain dew and pop corn. Never eats fruit or vegetables. Never drinks milk...unless it is with some very unhealthy, sugary cereal. He doesn't drink, though...that is a good thing. He does exercise. He is a runner and plays with the kiddies quite a bit. He also puts weight on rather easily. He went to have a check up and his cholestoral was a bit high. The doc told him to watch his diet for 3 months and come back. Did he do this...nooooo. I worry so much that he is a ticking time bomb, just waiting to explode. All of my preaching does nothing, so I too am trying to be a good example and maybe he will follow suit. I always say to him...when you have your heart attack, make sure you are in uniform (he is a state trooper and I would get alot of money). Of course I don't mean this, but I have given up yacking about it. He is a big boy...he can make up his own mind what he wants to do with this matter.

Kim
 
Well I have spent years trying to get the wife to do something healthy. She drinks those slimfast things, then I will come home in the evenings and there are McDonald's wrappers in the trash, or in her truck. She does nothing cardio-wise and even had a gym membership with me. She went maybe 2 times then ended up quitting. And since I already work 50 hrs a week plus do maybe 80% of the housework she has plenty of time to work on her fitness. She just won't.
Hate to be cold but I have stopped giving a sh@t! She can do whatever she wants. I already have 2 kids to take care of and am not interested in babying a 36 yr old woman. People have got to WANT it! To me, it's very selfish to let your body go, unless you have real health issues that prevent you from being in decent shape. People who just eat themselves to death are a drain on our health system and in my opinion, who the heck wants to curl up next to a bag of flab? Very unattractive. It's a good thing I can channel my sex drive into other things.
I kill myself every day to be in the best shape I can and to me most of the problems people have are with motivation. You gotta want it. You either do it, or you don't!! And that's my commentary on this....probably a very unpopular one I am sure. Keep in mind I am a little cranky today!! :)
 
Kathy, Allison, Kim, Trevor, Sheila-

Thank you all so much for posting. Knowing that I am not alone in this really makes me feel better. Last night I watched a great movie called "First Wives Club". Maybe we should form the Healthy Spouses Club! It's not easy, and it really helps to have support.

Thanks guys! Any more posters out there?
 
Allison-
You are quite right about small changes. Your post prompted me to look at all the positive changes I've made in my husband's eating habits, and I feel a bit less frustrated now looking at it from the positive side. I've actually accomplished quite a lot with him!!

We should all pat ourselves on the back for the small changes and be content with continuing along this way. It took his parents 20 years to turn him into a bad eater, and it's not going to change over night.

And a big life insurance policy doesn't hurt any. (Trevor, the term rates on women are really low). ;)
 
I feel for you. When I first met my husband, he was into working out, taking vitamins, etc. His diet wasn't great, he smoked and probably drank too much. Well, he promised me from the beginning that he'd quit smoking, but 6 years later that still hasn't happened. He did quit working out and taking vitamins though. He still drinks (too much in my opinion) and takes a multi-vitamin maybe a few times a month. He's definitely a meat and potatoes man. His idea of a salad is some iceberg lettuce with croutons and salad dressing. Vegetables? He'll eat potatoes, corn, green beans (if they're in a fattening casserole) and hominy (which I don't think should even be considered a vegetable - gross!). It would be a waste of time for me to cook something healthy because he just wouldn't eat it.

He still looks good on the outside, although he's lost some of his muscle, but I know his insides are aching for some nutrients. Others may say it's none of my business, but I believe it is my business because I want him around for a long time. I work hard to be healthy and fit and he doesn't care about taking care of himself anymore. Yet anything I say makes matters worse. Ugh. Just venting and sharing my story so you know you're not alone. What are we caring, frustrated, health-conscious women to do?
 
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