I know that this is totally unrelated to this forum, but

[HOTSHOT]

I have a question for all you married and going to be married women out there. Where is it written that a formal wedding has to have hundreds of guests? My fiance and I plan to marry in 2yrs. We probably won't have more than 50 people present. When I read information about the "levels of formality" that you can choose from, our guest list always puts us in the informal catergory. That makes me really mad. According to the etiquette police, I can't wear a long gown, forget the veil and don't even think about bridesmaids! I think that's really unfair. I don't mind having such a small guest list(fewer people to feed)but I DO resent being told that that guest list should keep me from having the wedding of my dreams. If anyone can give me some feedback on this, I'd really appreciate it.

 

[DebbieH]

Wow!!

I NEVER heard of such a thing! It is YOUR day and I think you should do whatever makes it special for you, ESPECIALLY your dress! I hear you on the less guests to feed. We just married our daughter 16 months ago and we had almost 400 people! Whew, talk about a food bill! I wouldn't worry about what an etiquette book says at this point. You have the day of your life and I'm sure all your friends & family will agree. Let us know all about your dress when you get it!

DebbieH

 

[honeybunch]

It's your wedding that the Wedding Police...

....are NOT paying for!!!! Therefore, you can do whatever you want including wearing a purple dress and going barefooted.

Have a nice big chocolate wedding cake. Anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to come!!!!!

 

[ebh87]

It's YOUR day!

This is an incredibly special day for you and your fiance - your wedding, your marriage. Make it the wedding of your dreams and don't worry about what the "rules" are! Best Wishes!
Erica

 

[lounsbury]

I agree...

Forget the Etiquette Police!

My hubby and I did several unusual things at our wedding, and many of our guests later commented that ours was a wedding where they truly felt they were "wanted" as guests. Probably the oddest thing we did etiquette-wise was that we got to the reception hall BEFORE our guests, and we greeted them all at the door as they walked in. After all, that's what you'd do if you invited them to any other party!

We also had a relatively small wedding (compared to some these days) -- just under 100 people.

Enjoy your day and don't worry about whether you're "allowed" to have a formal wedding according to the rules of etiquette!

Lynne

 

[ebh87]

P.S.

This is a day that you are going to remember for the rest of your life - make it a terrific memory!! If you do what you think you are "supposed" to do and it conflicts with what you want to do, you could regret it for the rest of your life. Hope you have a great, happy wedding day!
Erica

 

[susan p]

you may have to get tough with your mom, but. . .

have the wedding YOU want!! If you want to spend $1000 (or whatever) on a dress even if there are just FIVE guests there, that is your choice! The gown is about YOU, not them! My honey and I were RUTHLESS with our moms when we planned our wedding. We told them exactly how it was going to be and we had it the way we wanted it because it was OUR wedding. And it was wonderful. We got married in my grandparent's side yard, it was GORGEOUS (end of May, lots of stuff blooming). I wore a formal gown (with ballet slippers because of the uneven ground!) and we only had about 50 people there. What's more, all our guests were told to dress casually even though WE were formal because for our reception we had a hog roast in the back yard with, of all things, a pitch-in dinner (we requested our personal favorite pitch-in dishes from each family member or friend). So we went from a tiny outdoor but essentially very formal wedding, to eating with our fingers and slurping our Cokes out of a can. And we had fun. And so did everybody else! And we have picture of us in our formal wedding clothes BAREFOOT with our feet in the pond. We even had pics taken in the barn with a new calf. SO, that is how weird we got. And I have nothing but happy memories. No duty invites, only people we wanted. And the gown was worth it for ME and for my honey, regardless of how many people were there.

SO THERE!!! --more than you ever wanted to know. hehe! Do what makes YOU happy and make this a happy memory for yourself and your honey. What is meaningful to you is what matters.

 

[ebh87]

Boo-hoo!!

I wish I had someone to tell me that when we got married. Our wedding was awful - I let my mother decide everything and my husband and I were absolutely miserable. We swore we would renew our vows for our tenth anniversary, but it didn't seem that important anymore by then. We just look back and groan about it now - good thing the wedding isn't an indicator of how the marriage turns out!
Erica

 

[tricial]

In the year 2000...

..don't you think you're entitled to have the wedding of your dreams? My husband and I paid for our wedding & reception, so I didn't give in on any "etiquette" issues. Although we did have a big wedding (300 guests), I also had a rather unconventional wedding party. My husband isn't quite the people magnet that I am,(and since I had my wedding planned from the age of 8!!!), we had an overflow of bridesmaids with not enough groomsmen. (8 bridesmaids -vs- 4 groomsmen). The etiquette police would have had me walk the "extra bridesmaids" out together - tell me what girl wants to be in a wedding and say, I was escorted by Tricia's cousin Angie!! I didn't think so either. So instead, I had two bridesmaids exit the church with one groomsmen. At the reception, I worked it out so that the married/engaged people danced with their significant other and the single wedding party danced together for the bridal party dance.
(We also went against convention with our first dance. Instead of a mushy love song, I chose a great oldies song called "Just One Look", to which we did a jazzy waltz around the floor!) The people at the Reception hall STILL compare every wedding party to ours (I know, because my sister works there now!) And I won't even get into the "Bride dancing on the table custom" in my family - needless to say, my wedding coordinator was VERY NERVOUS!!

So, don't worry about convention and custom. Remember that no matter what size the guest list, how long the train or the veil, YOU want to look back on this day and say, "I couldn't dream of a more perfect day!"

 

[sabella]

I'm another one in the "do what you want" crowd

D^$# the etiquette police!

I'm not married, but I just went to one of the more interesting weddings I've ever been to. They didn't listen to the powers that be, and it was a wedding that just suited the bride and groom to a T. It was in the groom's parents back yard (pasture? it's too huge to be a yard), with the river bubbling in the background, wedding music on the cd player, very formal attire, and the couple's very adorable dogs weaving through the guests with corsages on their collars (and in the case of the lab, jumping into the river, then looking sad at being kept out of the family photos). At the reception, the groom's sister sang a poem her aunt had written to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies". And I don't think anyone there would have wanted things any different.

Oh, and they only had about 50 or 60 people at the wedding, too, and the dress was definately not of the informal variety.