I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all
- Thread starter nancy324
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nancy324
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
Oooops, I screwed up the poll and it won't let me edit. The question is: Do you compare yourself to your siblings? Sorry for the mistake.
-Nancy
Oooops, I screwed up the poll and it won't let me edit. The question is: Do you compare yourself to your siblings? Sorry for the mistake.
-Nancy
delfin
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
I voted that I don't compare myself to my siblings. My brother is an incredibly sweet guy, not competitive in the least, IMO. And my half-sister, (now deceased), I was never very close to and we were very, very different. I think alot of how you perceive your siblings may come from how you were treated by your parents as children. I felt that my brother and I were treated fairly the same, though my father was very tough on my brother (actually apologized for that in later life). My DH, on the other hand, grew up with an older brother who was always "number 1 son", and they're extremely competitive with each other now... in fact, they rarely talk, which is a shame.
I voted that I don't compare myself to my siblings. My brother is an incredibly sweet guy, not competitive in the least, IMO. And my half-sister, (now deceased), I was never very close to and we were very, very different. I think alot of how you perceive your siblings may come from how you were treated by your parents as children. I felt that my brother and I were treated fairly the same, though my father was very tough on my brother (actually apologized for that in later life). My DH, on the other hand, grew up with an older brother who was always "number 1 son", and they're extremely competitive with each other now... in fact, they rarely talk, which is a shame.
Armywife
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
I posted that we do compete with each other. I am 27 my sister is 25 and my brother is 24 so we are all so close in age. Growing up we were always very competitive and we still are, but in a nice way. We don't put each other down or anything. I think a little friendly competition is good. It helps you to strive to achieve more in my opinion!!!
I posted that we do compete with each other. I am 27 my sister is 25 and my brother is 24 so we are all so close in age. Growing up we were always very competitive and we still are, but in a nice way. We don't put each other down or anything. I think a little friendly competition is good. It helps you to strive to achieve more in my opinion!!!
melodygirl
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
Nancy,
I spent my childhood and teen years at home protecting my little sister (7-1/2 yrs younger) and still tend to think of her in those terms. So compare, no; adore, yes.
Nancy,
I spent my childhood and teen years at home protecting my little sister (7-1/2 yrs younger) and still tend to think of her in those terms. So compare, no; adore, yes.
nancy324
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
Just for clarity, the question is whether you, in your head, compare yourself, rather than how competitive your relationship is. I have a good relationship with my brother, but always come home from a visit with him and his family feeling like a bit of a failure in comparison, especially when my mother is there.
I do realize that if he and my mother valued my qualities a bit more (I am the warm, empathetic one) and his a bit less (he is the "brilliant", financially successful, athletic one with the fabulous kids), perhaps I wouldn't go through this to this degree. But the question is primarily about what goes on in your own head. (I'm trying to determine how weird mine is :+ ).
Just for clarity, the question is whether you, in your head, compare yourself, rather than how competitive your relationship is. I have a good relationship with my brother, but always come home from a visit with him and his family feeling like a bit of a failure in comparison, especially when my mother is there.
I do realize that if he and my mother valued my qualities a bit more (I am the warm, empathetic one) and his a bit less (he is the "brilliant", financially successful, athletic one with the fabulous kids), perhaps I wouldn't go through this to this degree.
But the question is primarily about what goes on in your own head. (I'm trying to determine how weird mine is :+ ).
nancy324
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
Melody,
Did you really relate to Glass Castle? Jeanette had a little sister she felt protective of too. I'm sure your sister was very lucky to have you.
-Nancy
Melody,
Did you really relate to Glass Castle? Jeanette had a little sister she felt protective of too. I'm sure your sister was very lucky to have you.
-Nancy
melodygirl
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family ...
Nancy,
Yes, I did think of my sister while reading Glass Castle, although our childhood was nothing like Jeanette's!
Nance, warm and empathetic trumps brilliant and financially successful any day. BTW, I know you're brilliant and suspect you're financially successful, also.
Relax, and enjoy the fabulous person that is Nancy.
Nancy,
Yes, I did think of my sister while reading Glass Castle, although our childhood was nothing like Jeanette's!
Nance, warm and empathetic trumps brilliant and financially successful any day. BTW, I know you're brilliant and suspect you're financially successful, also.
Relax, and enjoy the fabulous person that is Nancy.
Sunshine 1528
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
It is sad that there is comparison. To me I always remember that no matter how many children are in a family, they are typically raised quite similarly and when you see the differences in them it is special. It shows us that we all have our own personalities, styles, preferences, motivations, etc.
What would this world be like if we were all the same? Without these differences there would be nothing to strive for, live for, enjoy, etc. And would the world really go round if we were all brainy rich athletes? I think not.
Not sure Nancy that your brother would be able to contribute to the lives anywhere close to how you help those of us posting on this board;-)
Don't let it get you down (just blowing a raspberry to your mother for comparing you to your brother)
It is sad that there is comparison. To me I always remember that no matter how many children are in a family, they are typically raised quite similarly and when you see the differences in them it is special. It shows us that we all have our own personalities, styles, preferences, motivations, etc.
What would this world be like if we were all the same? Without these differences there would be nothing to strive for, live for, enjoy, etc. And would the world really go round if we were all brainy rich athletes? I think not.
Not sure Nancy that your brother would be able to contribute to the lives anywhere close to how you help those of us posting on this board;-)
Don't let it get you down
(just blowing a raspberry to your mother for comparing you to your brother)
nancy324
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
Aww, Jacque, you are sweet. And absolutely right, of course. Variety is not only the spice of life, it is absolutely essential.
-Nancy
Aww, Jacque, you are sweet. And absolutely right, of course. Variety is not only the spice of life, it is absolutely essential.
-Nancy
nancy324
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family ...
Mel,
Thanks so much. I read your words, and immediately moved on because I knew you were right! I just noticed that the after effects of being with my family pass more quickly each time. Iguess that means I'm getting better at dealing with the fam damily!
-Nancy
Mel,
Thanks so much. I read your words, and immediately moved on because I knew you were right! I just noticed that the after effects of being with my family pass more quickly each time.
Iguess that means I'm getting better at dealing with the fam damily! -Nancy
Sekcy_Gymnast
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
I don't have any siblings. (which is a blessing for me;-))
Jacque: that was really sweet! Nancy is also right. "Variety is not the only spice in life, it is absolutley essential."
Cool topic though.
Take Care!
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
~Adri~
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I don't have any siblings. (which is a blessing for me;-))
Jacque: that was really sweet! Nancy is also right. "Variety is not the only spice in life, it is absolutley essential."
Cool topic though.
Take Care!
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
~Adri~
|_|_|
|_|_|
|_|_|
alsrnbsn
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
It's hard for me to compare myself to my 2 brothers. I am the only girl and grew up learning to appreciate our differences in personality. We don't get together much, but when we do, we have the best time laughing and talking. We TOTALLY feed off of each other with regards to our humor! We are all successful in our own rights/careers, even though my younger brother is still trying to find his way after graduated 2 yrs ago.
It's hard for me to compare myself to my 2 brothers. I am the only girl and grew up learning to appreciate our differences in personality. We don't get together much, but when we do, we have the best time laughing and talking. We TOTALLY feed off of each other with regards to our humor! We are all successful in our own rights/careers, even though my younger brother is still trying to find his way after graduated 2 yrs ago.
amyg
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family and noticed that for some reason, even after all these years, I'm STILL comparing myself to my brother and his family. I'm almost too ashamed to
I'm a big compare-er, which I hate, but it's what I did when I was little and what I do now... she was older, better, faster, smarter, etc. The fact that she skipped kindergarten didn't help...
That said, my parents always (and continue to, ugh) tried to keep things even between us... which is how I have my car (she went to a private school across the country, I went to a state school and saved them money on tuition so they offered me a choice: live with them and have a new car, or live on campus... DUH) and loads of other things like that. It continues to drive me nuts!!! I wish they had just relaxed on that one a bit, since now I watch for how they make themselves crazy (and I'm entertained!) trying to keep it even for us now, at 33 and 29...
My vote changes every few years depending on how I'm feeling about myself whether I come up short or come out of an interaction with my sister feeling okay about myself.
I'm a big compare-er, which I hate, but it's what I did when I was little and what I do now... she was older, better, faster, smarter, etc. The fact that she skipped kindergarten didn't help...
That said, my parents always (and continue to, ugh) tried to keep things even between us... which is how I have my car (she went to a private school across the country, I went to a state school and saved them money on tuition so they offered me a choice: live with them and have a new car, or live on campus... DUH) and loads of other things like that. It continues to drive me nuts!!! I wish they had just relaxed on that one a bit, since now I watch for how they make themselves crazy (and I'm entertained!) trying to keep it even for us now, at 33 and 29...
My vote changes every few years depending on how I'm feeling about myself whether I come up short or come out of an interaction with my sister feeling okay about myself.
pixiesis
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family ...
I think my sister and I both compare ourselves to the other. Usually it's not mean spirited or unhealthy. For example, I think my sister is in awesome shape and I aspire to be more like her in this way. It's not really jealousy, but kind of more like trying to be inpired by her example. Like, I'm not mad at her for something that she has that I'd like to have. I may want it too but I don't want her not to have it, if that makes sense. I think she feels the same way. For the most part, our parents were good, and still are, about treating us equally.
Amy
I think my sister and I both compare ourselves to the other. Usually it's not mean spirited or unhealthy. For example, I think my sister is in awesome shape and I aspire to be more like her in this way. It's not really jealousy, but kind of more like trying to be inpired by her example. Like, I'm not mad at her for something that she has that I'd like to have. I may want it too but I don't want her not to have it, if that makes sense. I think she feels the same way. For the most part, our parents were good, and still are, about treating us equally.
Amy
SRP
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family ...
Hey Nancy -
I don't compare myself to my siblings and really enjoy their company when we visit. It's my parents, especially dear Mom, that drive me nuts. In fact, my sister and I depend a lot on each other to get us through the recurring trials our mother keeps dredging up. Sigh.
That said though, all three of us (I have a younger sister and brother) are very fortunate to have the parents we do, and they raised us wonderfully and equally. Our childhoods were great, and our parents very loving. Mom still happens to enjoy the "mothering" role a bit too much though, even though all of us are quite grown up now. ;-)
Hey Nancy -
I don't compare myself to my siblings and really enjoy their company when we visit. It's my parents, especially dear Mom, that drive me nuts. In fact, my sister and I depend a lot on each other to get us through the recurring trials our mother keeps dredging up. Sigh.
That said though, all three of us (I have a younger sister and brother) are very fortunate to have the parents we do, and they raised us wonderfully and equally. Our childhoods were great, and our parents very loving. Mom still happens to enjoy the "mothering" role a bit too much though, even though all of us are quite grown up now. ;-)
pixiesis
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family ...
Oh, I'm plenty insecure Nancy! And if you were around me this past week (TTOTM) you certainly wouldn't call me well-adjusted. It's just that I don't really think my insecurity is more set-off by my sister. I know she wants the best for me and vice versa. My grandmother, on the other hand, is super mean and can be quite good at exploiting her children and grand childrens' insecurities. Recently at my cousins wedding she was talking loudly about how my other cousin, who was 9 months pregnant at the time, looked so fat. With someone like that in the family, the rest of us just kind of stick together!
Amy
Oh, I'm plenty insecure Nancy! And if you were around me this past week (TTOTM) you certainly wouldn't call me well-adjusted. It's just that I don't really think my insecurity is more set-off by my sister. I know she wants the best for me and vice versa. My grandmother, on the other hand, is super mean and can be quite good at exploiting her children and grand childrens' insecurities. Recently at my cousins wedding she was talking loudly about how my other cousin, who was 9 months pregnant at the time, looked so fat. With someone like that in the family, the rest of us just kind of stick together!
Amy
melodygirl
Cathlete
RE: I just came home from a short visit with my family ...
Oh Nancy!
I'm full of insecurities, they just don't involve my family!!! But they are probably because of my family, huh, now I'm confused.
Anyway, I'm just not confident enough to speak of my insecurities which is an insecurity in itself, isn't it?;-) Would you like to go to therapy together?:7
Oh Nancy!
I'm full of insecurities, they just don't involve my family!!! But they are probably because of my family, huh, now I'm confused.
Anyway, I'm just not confident enough to speak of my insecurities which is an insecurity in itself, isn't it?;-) Would you like to go to therapy together?:7