I cant do this anymore

A

aintnosunshine

Cathlete
Ok im going to complain on here because i dont have anyone who will listen, so this way you just dont have to read it.

Well first i have been in and out of depression for about 6 years, im now have been on antideppresents for about 5 weeks, not sure if there doing anything or not.

Also in januray i decided that i need to lose a bit of weight so i started to count cals and eat only clean foods. only to leave myself starving and starting to binge. This is still going on but much worse.

For 4 weeks i didnt have a job so i starting eating when im board which turned into a binge everyday.

I now have a job but yet the binging still happens everyday, always when im alone and have nothing to do, it is such a strong pull that i always give in.

I never binge in front of others or when anyone else is home, its to embarrasing.

I dont no what else to say or if anyone has anything they can say to me, i know what i need to do but i can never seem to do it.

I need to know what is the first step to take to overcome binging?

I just need some guidance.

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far.
 
ok, take a deep breath. i myself am a binger. or at least i used to be. i still have slip ups every few months or so but at one point i was binging something like 3000 cals in one sitting every other day (and no i didn't purge either). anyways, what has helped me is to not be so strict with diet. when i try to eat too clean and perfect, (perfect is the key word here) then i can almost gurantee a binge. i can often feel them coming on b/c i battle with hunger pangs and sugar cravings at least for a whole week before i cave. also, if i'm not eating enough, i will binge. to get help i mentally decided enough was enough. i think a lot of this centers in the brain. Its your whole outlook on things. Is boredom the only feeling you have when you binge? At my worst i was binging everyother day and this went on for about 2 months until i was ready to quit. i gained about 15lbs in this time period. have you ever read the book intuitive eating? if not, i strongly recommend it. it really helped me b/c often times us bingers have a black and white outlook on things and thats not healthy. i had a binge about 2 months ago and posted on this forum. i got lots of responses to let me know i was not alone and neither are you. when you feel a binge coming its important to get busy doing something. get out of the house, meet with friends, workout. what does your diet look like? are you eating enough? these binges could be a sign to eat more. its kindof like being a drug addict. you get this immediate gradification when you start eating everyhting your not suppose to but in the end it makes you feel lonely, worthless, and depressed. just like an addict you have to reach a bottom. sounds silly to think of food this way but its true. as far as the antidepressents, i would give them another month b/c it can take up to 2 months for any noticiable results to show. i understand the strong binge drive you describe. they also describe it in the book i mention. are you doing a lot of cardio? when i do cardio more than 3 times a week i want to binge on everything. you can always come here to vent and look for support. mabe you should start an accountability journal on this message board and post daily your feelings and how you are doing. the responses may help you. you can do this. i know this b/c i was exactly where you were and now i'm where i'm at. you could never tell that i was a binger. i still have my issues with food but you know what i'm not perfect and neither are you.
 
Hey, sweetie. Sorry you're having a hard time. While I don't have personal experience with what you're dealing with, I have family members who do, and I have learned certain things by watching them.

Stick with your meds, and maintain an open dialogue with your doctor so you can find exactly the right balance for you. It can take awhile sometimes, so don't give up. And don't stop taking them once you do start feeling better!

For the binging...you break a bad habit by replacing it with something that's good. If you don't have a plan for what you're going to do when that urge to binge hits, you will fail every time. Also, you need to seriously evaluate what triggers your binging, and write the causes down. When the temptation strikes, distract yourself immediately! Have a notebook handy and write down the feelings you're having at the moment, take a short walk, have a good book handy, maybe busy your hands with a sewing or knitting project. Give yourself about 20 minutes to recover. If you're still wanting to eat, then you're probably actually hungry and you will then have a clear head to choose something sensible and in proper portions.

I have learned that one of the best things to ward off a binge is to drink a big glass of water. In people who binge regularly, the thirst and hunger signals from the brain get mixed up, and you can feel like eating when you're actually needing fluids. You can retrain your brain by drinking the water first and waiting the 20 minutes to see if the urge to eat is still there.

You are stronger than your weaknesses! They do not define you! I believe we are given weaknesses to teach us and give us the opportunity to make them our strengths. You can do this. A member of my family had a serious struggle with an addiction, and I came across this essay in an effort to help him:

Autobiography in Five Chapters

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost . . . I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
it is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

You are stuggling now, but you will find a way to walk down a different street if you commit yourself to do it. You are not a slave to the binge! You are better than that.

Natalie
 
I forgot to comment on the clean eating before...My .02 are you can't eat clean 100% of the time and stay sane! You do the best you can, and if you want some pizza, have a couple pieces (not 3 or 4) and enjoy it. Don't beat yourself up over having a little treat now and then.

I have a trick called "the three bite rule." If I really want something that's not so good for me (like the Nutella in my pantry that my kids love so much), I allow myself three SMALL bites to satisfy the craving. You learn to savor those three little bites!

Natalie
 
Michelle-
HUGS to you ....

My only worthwhile input is about Clean Eating / Starving / Binging

Clean Eating has NOTHING to do with eating too little- If anything clean eating is about eating ALOT more but just the right foods. When I started with Tosca Reno IClean Eating Diet) I was STUFFED and happy all the time... My quality of food went UP as did my caloric intake. I suggest that your binging will not be under control if you are feeling hungry all the time... Its not a flaw its the bodies response to stavation for calories/ proper nutrients.

Go easier on yourself.... Clean living is accomplished one small step at a time..... Just know that feeling hungry/ binging doesnt mean you have "issues" necessarly... it could just mean you need to eat more/more regularly/ more healthy.

Take Care & Good Luck!
 
Are you on meds for your depression? I have heard good things about Wellbutrin, especially where food is concerned. I am not a doctor at all, but I think you sound like you are really depressed, and getting on the right meds might help?

Also, exercise will help with the food issues, you start thinking of food as fuel, not something that is "good" or "bad". It is what it is, fuel for your body, to help you make it through your workouts!:) Stop obsessing about food, and take up a hobby or something that is not related to food. When you are doing an activity you love, time seems to fly by and you get into that "nirvana" type state. Painting does this for me, so does writing and reading a good book. Exercise does the trick too.

Just know you are not alone, there are alot of people who struggle with food issues. I wish you all the best, and remember you have the power to do anything... quit giving all that power away to food!

:7
 
When we were fitting my daughter for anti depression meds, each trial was 6 weeks. Any change in dosage was maintained for 6 weeks to see if there was a change or not.

My daughter went on "head med" pretty much the same time as birth control pills (15 yo). When her menstrual cycke flattenned out, the Welbutrin started working real well.

So if you're only 5 weeks in hang in there!
 
Traci-X is absolutely right...clean eating does not mean eating less. In fact, one of my main problems with my diet is that I don't eat ENOUGH. When your diet is centered around vegetables, fruit, legumes, and whole grains, you can eat a whole lot. And, with this diet, you can still have some of your favorite not-so-healthy foods. For instance, I allow myself about 150 calories a day of whatever I want.

The best part about this diet is that the more strict you are, the less you want unhealthy foods. It also does not take very long to experience this; however, you do have to be very strict. The few times that I do want junk food (usually sweets), I get something that I really want instead of just finding whatever is closest to me. I savor it and I don't regret it. If I think it's necessary, I just exercise double the next day.

You mentioned in your post that you already know this stuff, but that actually putting it to use is when it gets tricky. I know exactly what you mean. I would read an article online about the benefits of vegetables and would be so determined to eat better at my next meal. However, as soon as the hunger pains started, it didn't matter to me anymore and I would convince myself to start tomorrow or do better at the next meal. Of course, the events just repeated themselves.

The thing that really helped me was gaining knowledge regarding "clean eating." Now that I know the importance of eating right and I know just what my former diet was doing to my body, sticking to my diet is not so much about will power anymore. The knowledge that I've gained prevents me from returning to my old habits. Some good long term research that convinced me was the China Project. This, along with some other really good information, is also found in Eat to Live by Dr. Fuhrman.

Also, eating poorly would diminish how good I now feel due to my diet and exercise. No amount of high-quality chocolate cake is worth that.

About 3 years ago, I was verging on the state of depression. I felt like everything I did made me unhappy and that nothing I did gave my life purpose. Eventually, I began brain storming on things that I thought would make me happy and then put those things into place. Once I felt "stable," I began working on my exercise and diet. I have no idea what your depression stems from, I just wanted to show you a different perspective.

Just keep trying and good luck.:)
 
I just wanted to chime in and say that it sounds like you really need to work with your doctor about treating your binging for what it is, an addiction and a disorder. Years ago, I remember reading an acrticle about an Eating Disorder which they were just learning about called " Binge eating disorder". They said that it was no different than anorexia or bulimia, just a different form. After reading that, I broke down beccause I realized that all my life I had been struggling with this disorder. I felt so relieved to know that I was not alone and that there was a reason for what I was doing. I went to a counselor who specialized in eating disorders and started to uncover alot of the reasons why I did it. ( i.e. needing to not have control over at least one aspect of my life because I was always controlled in all the others, "stuffing down" my feelings whenever I was alone so as not to deal with my own thoughts, etc.) I will say that since then there is alot more known about Binge Eating Disorder. It sounds like this started for you when you were going through some tough times. ( stuffing your feelings??) Also, the fact that you only do this when you are alone! That is a biggie. No one could ever figure out why I was heavy because they never really saw me eat too much. BINGO!

I finally got it totally under control 6 years ago and lost alot of weight and replaced my binge eating with a healthy lifestyle. I will tell you though that it was only until after I dealt with my addiction that I was able to control it and get myself together. I will admit that I probably have placed alot of emphasis now on the healthy lifestyle and can see that sometimes I replace exercise for the binging. It takes alot to let myself have down time from exercise... kind of like stopping myself from binging, very difficult.

Anyway, just wanted to say that there is help. All the suggestions about diet won't help until you deal with the binging for what it could possibly be.You need to explore the reasons you do this. It's probably not because you don't know how to eat right. Speak to your doctor about what is available for binge eating disorder. I have heard that Wellbutrin is good for eating disorders so give it time. I never did go on meds, but my therapist really pushed for them.

best of luck, I'm praying for you.
 
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