How to Ruin your friendship

Timber99

Cathlete
...help your friend move in next door to you! Argh...so upset today b/c my good friend moved in next door about two months and I am wondering if this is going to kill our friendship! It seemed like a great idea at the time, although I saw the potential issues but basically, I am really worried now that our friendship will never be the same.

I feel like she is not doing things that are only fair to expect. (ie I asked her to please pick up her used cigarettes from the yard).
She feels like I am being controlling. (ie there were several occassions that I was upset that she used my BBQ - w/permission - and didn't clean it. Well, she said that she did but it was not cleaned.) These are only two examples, but I am trying to give you an idea.

Well, last night I asked them a question (I was upset but when they said that it was not them, I took their answer as truth and left) and it started an all out war. It was a QUESTION!!!!! Then she then told me that "its one thing after another" w/me, her husband is livid, and that they are trying to be good neighbors. Then she proceeded to list about 6 things that I have supposedly been mad about, 3 or so of which I either was NOT mad about at all or I wasn't even sure what she was talking about!! I suggested that we talk rather than text mail (how productive is text mail?) and she agreed that we would talk later b/c she had a terrible headache.

ETA - I don't think that I am being unreasonable in anything that I have spoken to them about (and BF told me that he agrees) and I do think that there were some things that they have pegged me for being a witch about that I never was upset about at all. I guess I can see that they woudl think that I have asked them to do a few things but I just didn't see it as "witchy" as they apparently have.

...and now I called her twice today and she is not taking my calls. I don't want to lose my friend. I don't want to argue with my neighbor. I thought that other than a few things, it was going well. Also I was shocked to see that she sees issues in things that I thought were going extremely well (ie working our dogs in the yard that we share without conflict)!

So what do I do now?
 
Wait 1 week,

Bake a favorite goody, knock on her door when it's going to be just you and her. Apologize for making her upset, (this is not he same as apologizing for expressing your concerns) share the goodies over coffee, explain that you still want to be good friends.

Dave
 
I agree with Dave's advice to wait a week. Give yourself some time and distance to think and put it all in perspective before you sit down and talk to her. Friends don't necessarily make good neighbors. I hope it all works out for the two of you.

Carol
:)
 
Hey Timber, I know your pain. I lived with my best friend for about a year and a half and we almost killed each other. We decided to move into our own apartments in an effort to salvage our friendship, and it worked.

In your case I would say go with the advice of the others and try to make nice. It's the best way only because it doesn't look like either one of you is moving soon, so you have to live with it. Literally. I would try to make it as good as possible.
 
She is probably stressed out about the move. She probably is trying hard to be a good neighbor and afraid of not being one, and projects to you her frustration for not being able to be "perfect" when you point out the few things she have done wrong. I don't know her, it's just a theory, but that's how I react when I feel pressured to please someone.
 
Well, what was the "question" you asked that caused them to blow up?

Also, you requested she picks up used cigarettes from which yard...her yard or your yard. If it's your yard, just offer her an ashtray whenever she stops by. I keep one here for my mom...I have to search high and low for it, but I keep one here for her visits. If it's her yard, she can spread her daily trash out there if she so desires.
 
Just a few suggestions:
1.You could suggest going to dinner to talk.
2.She could put a coffee can outside w/ sand in it for her butts.
3.Her husband needs to stay out of it (if he's the type to instigate things).
4.Live your life and let her come around on her own.She may surprise you and apologize for how she's been acting.
5.Do you know by any chance if she frequents this forum? LOL
 

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