How To Dump Your Therapist...

WormwoodScrubs

WormwoodScrubs

Cathlete
Hello, all.

I'll admit it, I see a shrink. I've been seeing this particular shrink for almost three years. While this person has indeed helped me work through some stuff, and while I think we've built up an honest, friendly rapport, I think I may need a change.

Last week my therapist told me I have "CFUT Syndrome." 'Oh great,' I thought, 'what's this disorder - I've never even heard of it!?' I asked her what it meant and she said, "Chronically F***ed Up Thinking." Nice. I didn't tell her then that it bothered me, but seeing as I'm still dwelling on it, I guess it did. I have yet to make my next appointment.

So what should I do? Do I simply never make another appointment with her, and find a new therapist? Do I meet with her and tell her this will be our last session? Do I call her and tell her she pissed me off?

(Can you see that lack of decision making is one of the reasons I'm in therapy? :) )

TIA!
 
You know, this situation depends upon a few things. How long have you been seeing this therapist? What type of relationship do you have? Meaning, do you have a 'no beating around the bush' deal? I'm not going to say that was a very intelligent way to word it, but it might be fitting in the context of the convo & the relationship, know what I mean? Some actually want this style of therapy, believe it or not.

Now, if this is just out and out offensive to you (and it would be to a lot of people no doubt), you can first bring up the comment and possibly talk it through. If this is just a no discussion type of thing for you, then maybe it is time to move on. How's that for a non-answer?


Debbie


Brain cells come & brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
 
I have had this problem...but the therapist was completely wrong from the start...it was hard to say goodbye so I emailed her. I recently found another one (mind you it is for my daughter-but really it is also for me) anyways the second meeting she ripped me up and down I was so heated and thought here we go again! Instead I called her (after I calmed down and wrote my feelings down) and told her how I felt about what she said etc. in a nicer way then what I was screaming at home before I calmed. She and I worked it out and so far we are coming along..yet I still feel the tension at times..so my suggestion is honestly tell your therapist how that offended you and ask her what she/he meant by that comment...that conversation will tell you what you need to do...Good luck to you..


duck
 
If you're feeling that you need to make a change only b/c you are offended by her comment than I would suggest you should talk to her about it. However if you are no longer seeing progress with your treatment than maybe you should consider a change.

Personally I just stopped going to my therapist a few months ago b/c I felt as if it was just the same old conversation every session. I really dreaded going and it shouldn't be that way. It's not an easy decision and I wish you luck as well...

Chastity

http://www.picturetrail.com:80/chastgirl0205
 
You said that you've been with her for 3 years and she has helped you. So, it seems to me that you have some of yourself invested in the "relationship". It's not always easy to find a therapist that you like and can relate with. I would tell her that the comment bothered you and that you have been considering switching therapists.

My mother is a therapist and she is a very direct person. I could see her making that comment to one of her patients . . . but it would have to be someone that she has the right rapport and relationship with. Maybe this therapist thought you could handle (and see the humor) in that blunt of a comment. She was wrong, but you should give her the opportunity to apologize and mend the relationship.
 
It sounds as if you have been fine with your therapist until this point. If that's the case, you owe it to yourself and her to talk to her about what happened, why you were offended, etc. That alone could be eye-opening. Maybe it is your issue, maybe it is hers. If you don't discuss it, you won't know. Also, you can see how she handles this conversation. That will tell you a lot about the type of therapist she is.

I would go in and discuss. Be honest. If you don't feel better after you have discussed things, just tell her you have decided to see someone else.

FYI..*disclaimer*I'm a psychologist!
 
Wow! I have never heard that term and I cannot imagine a therapist using it, very unprofessional. This decision is such a personal one for you. I think any advice I could give you would be wrong since I don't know you very well. I am hardly an expert on therapists but this kind of thing sounds bad to me. I wish I had the courage to seek a therapist sometimes...I am just a chicken. No matter what you choose to do you are a hero in my book!

Good luck!
 
It's hard to comment out of context. Were you two joking around at the time or having a light-hearted conversation? Or was it rather serious? In the second situation, it would be inappropriate.

With that said, I have often times said things to people that were taken the wrong way. Then, I was not confronted about it until a much later time. By that point, I won't apologize and even if I did, it wouldn't matter to the person I upset.

If you really feel that her comment was unwarranted, I would call her. Maybe even schedule a meet up if you two are that comfortable with each other.
 
I cut ties with one therapist before for a mean comment. I just cancelled and stopped going. She did call to leave a message that she hoped she didn't offend me in any way but I never returned the call and that was it for me. This was after I'd seen her for 6 months or more and I did like her. But, the comment was unforgivable to me.

Now for you. If its this only comment that's bothering you and otherwise you like her then maybe saying something over the phone would suffice. Just tell her that her comment offended you and see what she says. If you decide to end it just tell her your schedule is busy and you need to put off any therapy for while.
 
I agree with what everyone else has been saying so I won't repeat it here. My only point would be is it her choice of the F word that bothered you or the comment in general? While I don't like any professional using profanity sometimes people are 'offended' by hearing the truth. My point is if she hadn't used profanity would you still be offended?

Some people go into therapy seeking help and then when their problems and tendencies are pointed out to them they want to leave because they didn't actually want help, they just wanted someone to complain to.

I am by no means suggesting that is what happened here. I would just hate to see you leave a good 'relationship' just because your therapist was being honest.
 
Sorry for being so unclear before; I should have provided a bit more detail/background.

I've been seeing this therapist for about three years, and she isn't a very jokey kind of person., Mostly, we stick to the 'issues', and tend to have 'serious' discussions.

She uses the 'f' word quite frequently and though I don't use it as often as she, I have used it on occasion.

Lately, I’ve been going through a pretty tough time emotionally (always tired, wanting to isolate, depressed, etc), and therapy doesn’t seem to be helping anymore. Perhaps I’m simply searching for reasons to leave.

Each of you has brought up some insightful things, and I will take all of your comments/sentiments into consideration.

Thank you very much for your feedback.
 
Well, speaking as a professional in the counseling field, I'd suggest you call her and explain how that comment affected you. OTH, it may be that you are looking for a reason to terminate therapy. If that's the case, explain that to her .. or take a break if you're not sure about terminating. Don't worry about her feelings, this happens a lot in the field, and actually, the therapist should be looking at termination at some point anyways. In fact, I've sometimes suggested to long-term clients that they consider changing therapists if they don't seem to be progressing on their treatment goals. If you want to go back to her after a period of time, then when you go you need to develop a new treatment plan and you can discuss her commnet as a lead in to work on straightening out your thinking. (I hope you don't think I'm think you are CFUT. I've worked with criminal justice clients who seem to have CFUT -- but that doesn't mean it can't be corrected with cognitive-behavorial therapy or some other modality.) I'm sorry to say that some therapists get too comfortable with the steady, long-term client and don't always keep the client's needs first.

HTH, Deb
 
I agree with the above poster 100 %.

You need to tell her that her comment offended and upset you. You are not there to be anyone's punchbag, and they have to be honest with you but not berate you or be insulting. Let's face it, over half the population could be diagnosed with CFUT.

I left my therapist in May of this year because I felt I was making no progress. I simply mailed her a letter and check for what I owed her and I explained fully my position. On previous occasions, when I had mentioned dissatisfaction with the sessions, she had talked me out of leaving therapy. I did not want her to try and do the same again. I went for the clean break by mail.

Therapists will try and talk you out of leaving. But you have to go with your gut feelings. After three years you should have made enough progress to probably go it alone, I would have thought, especially if that therapist was worthwhile. Do you wish to continue throwing money at a money pit? Therapy that no longer delivers real results for you, in your opinion, not the therapist's opinion, is just that: a money pit.

Hang tough.

Clare
 
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