naughtoj
Cathlete
Ok, I know something like 90% of all american families have some sort of dysfunction going on...so, with that in mind.....
let's assume you are the healthy one of the bunch. Ok, let's say you are the one TRYING to get healthy. You are starting to open your eyes, see things different. You are starting to not feel guilty when everyone else says you should AND you are starting to realize that may be the right thing!!
Ok, so that is all well and good for you. GOOD FOR YOU, right? BUT........how do you still love the rest of your family without going nuts? For example, my sister and I used to love to vent, vent, vent and then vent. Over the years I realized how we would never come to solutions about any of the problems, that the problems never changed, and it was one big bit!# fest. I hate those conversations now....my blood pressure shoots up and I can't get off the phone (she doesn not come up for air and talks for 2 hours sometimes)! Plus, she calls me intoxicated to boot. She will start crying over crap that happened 20 years ago!!!...... But, she has told me before that venting helps her. I have told her before that it tends to hurt me. I am all for talking about something new, something that didn't just happen today while I WAS THERE, and please, anything that is not beating a dead horse. If I were to be honest and basically say, "don't call me unless you have something new to say and I would like it if we just talked about US" she would be offended. I gaurantee it. Not my problem you say? Maybe so. But how do I maintain any relationships with them?
I am starting to think that the only way would be to move away. Then you can only talk over the phone but I think that would be less and less since I would not be involved in their day to day life. Sure, my brother could ask for money over the phone, but atleast I wouldn't have to go to his house and "help him" clean and refurbish HIS house just to see my dying father!!! He is a meth addict and we go over there and pick up, get there the next day, crap everywhere! I mean, like we did not touch a thing. Now, I refuse to clean........I go there to see my Dad anyway, right? and time is precious....but I am still looked at like the big bit%# and the one unwilling to help when everyone else is willing to roll their sleeves up. I say, when my brother quits drugs, I will be the first person there.
Anyway, don't want to turn this into a vent (ha ha) but really, I was very curious how those of you in dysfunctional families, especially riddled with addiction, keep relationships and/or keep your sanity. How far did you have to go to stay alive??
let's assume you are the healthy one of the bunch. Ok, let's say you are the one TRYING to get healthy. You are starting to open your eyes, see things different. You are starting to not feel guilty when everyone else says you should AND you are starting to realize that may be the right thing!!
Ok, so that is all well and good for you. GOOD FOR YOU, right? BUT........how do you still love the rest of your family without going nuts? For example, my sister and I used to love to vent, vent, vent and then vent. Over the years I realized how we would never come to solutions about any of the problems, that the problems never changed, and it was one big bit!# fest. I hate those conversations now....my blood pressure shoots up and I can't get off the phone (she doesn not come up for air and talks for 2 hours sometimes)! Plus, she calls me intoxicated to boot. She will start crying over crap that happened 20 years ago!!!...... But, she has told me before that venting helps her. I have told her before that it tends to hurt me. I am all for talking about something new, something that didn't just happen today while I WAS THERE, and please, anything that is not beating a dead horse. If I were to be honest and basically say, "don't call me unless you have something new to say and I would like it if we just talked about US" she would be offended. I gaurantee it. Not my problem you say? Maybe so. But how do I maintain any relationships with them?
I am starting to think that the only way would be to move away. Then you can only talk over the phone but I think that would be less and less since I would not be involved in their day to day life. Sure, my brother could ask for money over the phone, but atleast I wouldn't have to go to his house and "help him" clean and refurbish HIS house just to see my dying father!!! He is a meth addict and we go over there and pick up, get there the next day, crap everywhere! I mean, like we did not touch a thing. Now, I refuse to clean........I go there to see my Dad anyway, right? and time is precious....but I am still looked at like the big bit%# and the one unwilling to help when everyone else is willing to roll their sleeves up. I say, when my brother quits drugs, I will be the first person there.
Anyway, don't want to turn this into a vent (ha ha) but really, I was very curious how those of you in dysfunctional families, especially riddled with addiction, keep relationships and/or keep your sanity. How far did you have to go to stay alive??
