Help!!

K

Kris E

Member
I'm at my wits end here! My 6 1/2 month old son has decided he doesn't want to sleep in his crib anymore. He's been sleeping through the night since he was 4 weeks old but after a week's vacation, what I thought was just a screwed up schedule is turning out to be a growing trend. For two nights in a row now, I've let him cry (and he's VERY mad) for an hour! That is just horrifying to me!! Well after screaming for an hour, I finally gave up and put him in bed with us - his mommy and daddy need sleep - but I don't want to get in the habit of doing that. What can I do?! I'm almost afraid to call my pediatrician because they'll "scold" me for putting him in bed with us! ;-)
The kicker is that as soon as his head hits my mattress, he's out! I don't even have to console him or rock him. How do I get him to cry himself to sleep?! He's not getting the hint. I really appreciate anyone's help that has been in this situation. I'm getting very frustrated and extremely sleepy! I figured I could count on you guys for some advice! Thanks!
 
I just wanted to offer some sympathy, although I have no real answer. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until a year, so I think you're lucky. What finally worked for me, was to tell my husband that I WAS NOT getting up anymore. If he wasn't going to let the baby cry it out, he was on his own. It took only one night, but it was one night of hell, and she still wakes occasionally. Most of it I attribute it to daddy, but thats a whole 'nother story.

A few other thoughts, if you don't mind the baby in your bed, why not do the family bed thing? Its a personal decision, and a practice that is common everywhere in the world, except the US (but being americans we assume we are always right) I can't imagine a ped. scolding over this. (we didn't and don't do the family bed thing by the way, so I'm an advocate for what works for you, not what I believe, although we probably would have if our daughter wasn't such a light sleeper)

Second, my doctor told me something at that one year apt. that I'll always remember as a parent. When I told him that the baby cried for an hour, and could cry forever, he told me that's because she's never lost.

So the message is either do or don't but don't go halfway - meaning don't give up after a half hour, hour or whatever, because basically we're training our little ones that if they fuss long enough we'll give in. Truthfully, after that sank in, its something we've put into practice in other parts of our parenting, such as if you give into whining, it'll just happen more. I'm no parenting expert, and I do struggle with it. I think as the kids get older, you just get used to feeling confused. Anyway good luck. If you get really desperate try the book Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber.
 
If you don't mind the family bed, go for it. My DS slept through the night pretty much always until 2 when he started to wake up early, he's nearly 9 now and still will wake up at 3 a.m. to read..but that's another story.

Anyway DD was NOT a good sleeper from the get go. We tried rooming in with a bassinet to no avail. She could not stand sleeping in our bed with me in it, if it was daddy it was fine, but not with me there (weird I know!). My DH and I were at our wit's end, he wanted to just let her cry it out and I was too soft hearted or something.

Finally we did a modified crying it out thing (the book said after 6 months of age this method was fine), I can't remember the name of the book and my copy has long been loaned to numerous people (I don't know where it is), but basically you let you do NOT pick up the baby at all when he cries, you can give him a bottle of water but no breastmilk or formula as they are crying for comfort not hunger at that age generally, and it is BEST if dad is the one to go to the crib to do this because moms are usually more associated with food. Anyway the first time you let them cry for about 5 minutes, the second time 7 minutes, and the third and all subsequent times 9 minutes so they realize that you ARE there for them; but, that they are not going to be picked up and learn to sooth themselves back to sleep. I was not thrilled with doing this, but like I said we were at our wit's end and all that. Anyway it took two nights and she's slept through the night ever since. Now you can modify those minutes if you want say 10, 12, and 15 or whatever you think is best for your child. I think for me it was easier than leaving her to cry for a long time, but heck I don't know and at that point sleep deprivation was killing me.

We also think that the Hyland's Colic Tablets MAY have helped, but I don't know for sure (they are usually at Walmart or Target's medication section) because they are semi-sweet and our daughter likes sweet stuff anyway.

Anyway if you do call your pediatrician and he chews you out, I'd get another. I had one that insisted formula was better than breast milk...I DID formula feed but that goes against every single thing I've read. She also told me when DS had colic at about 3 months to stop feeding him meat and give him Coke! I could not believe it since he never had meat or Coke at that age...amazing!

Stephanie
 
Gosh! Those are some interesting antidotes and ones I'm going to try! I really appreciate the input!! By the way -- I LOVE my pediatrician's office, I was just hesitant to call for this reason - I know, weird. Anyway, thanks again for the advice and we'll see how it goes tonight with my husband doing the soothing and not me. In fact, looking back, my son got angrier when I walked in and then walked away! Now I know why!! Thanks again!
 
OH Kris, do I ever feel for you. Two of my three kids had to go through the crying it out thing. My oldest, now 8, and my youngest, now 3, both had to learn to go to sleep by crying through their fatigue. Some kids are just wired that way. No amount of rocking worked. Putting them in bed with me didn't work. Pacifiers, feedings, NOTHING WORKED. They just needed to cry. When I let them, they cried through it and got back to normal. Both of them went through a couple of stages of this at different developmental times (most notably at 6 to 10 weeks and again at about 6 months). Both are now GREAT little sleepers. My middle daughter, now 5, was not that way at all. Try to discern if it's an "I'm mad" cry or an "I'm hysterical" cry. If it's "I'm mad" then they seem to do best with diffusing their own energy with crying.

If you try the crying it out thing, make sure he doesn't get too hot. My youngest would cry till she was so HOT we'd have to go unzip her blanket sleeper! She could really work up a sweat!

BTW, the one comment I get most about my kids is about how secure they are. . . I hear about all three of them "they're so confident!" and "they're so secure" --heck, they're so secure it's scary, sometimes in public places I wish they WOULD be a little clingier. So crying it out didn't seem to leave any permanent insecurity scars (the most common argument against letting them cry is that they'll be insecure if you don't meet their needs promptly --maybe true for some kids, but not mine!)
 
Susan your post reminded me

some kids can be just overstimulated and need to cry to get to sleep sometimes from what I've read, I believe DD was like that. She also is way too confident, she will actually play with the big kids at McDonald's Playplace that she doesn't know and has no fear. DS was like that too, in fact one time at my grandma's (she lives in a retirement community) he actually took off with another neighbor without notifying us AT AGE THREE! He is a more cautious now (nearly 9).

Stephanie :)
 
I don't have any advice, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. I personally think that whichever method you choose, your child will not be permanently scarred. Us parents worry over every little thing, and I'll tell you now, the parenting NEVER gets easier or less worrisome. Just different issues. My son did the crying thing when he was 9 mo. and I tried to let him cry it out. After the second night, my neighbor asked if Wyatt was okay! He had been on his way to a call (he's a P.A.) and was outside. And to tell the truth I can't remember what finally happened. He's 3 1/2 now and has just started getting up again and sneaking into our room to crash on the floor. We don't even hear him come in. I don't really worry about it too much. He's saying he is scared of the dark, and I was real bad about that when I was a kid so I guess I have sympathy! Happy snoozing :-sleepy

Andrea
 
What amazing words of widsom and comfort! I knew I loved this forum for a reason. Well, again, I can't thank you all enough and it's nice to know that neither my son nor I are "abnormal"! I'll chalk it up to a "phase" and go from here! Thanks again!
Kris
 
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