Help with my 5yr old DD!!!!

[wonderwoman]

My DD just started kindergarten in Sept. I had my 1st parent teacher conference right before Thanksgiving and everything went well. All was good except that she sometimes has difficulty following directions but socially and acedemically everything was fine.

Today I got a note from her teacher in her bookbag that said she has been having problems with several girls on the bus some were complaining about my dd saying that she was pushing them and not being very nice. The note also said my dd was calling out during lessons and pretending to sneeze through out story time. I was surprised when I read the note because I just met with her teacher and nothing of this behavior was metioned at all.

Just a little background on my DD,
She has always been a very active child and had loads of energy so I try to channel her energy in positive ways because if I dont she will drive me insane if we just stay home. So she was doing alot of activities such as dance, karate, libary story time and a sport activity. She just does karate now because it was alot of running around and I thought maybe she was doing too much plus I was dragging my 4 month around to all of this. So I asked her what she liked best and she chose karate.
She is not a typical little girl who plays with dolls and wears ruffles she is loud very comical and loves attention. She is pretty good at home and has her moments when she gets fresh with her mouth or gets a little too loud.

Anyway I havent approached her yet because when I found the note she was asleep and still is. The sneezing and calling out I can believe but the pushing on the bus is shocking to me because I dont hit her so I dont know where that comes from.

Im trying to think of an appropriate punishment and thought of no karate and other special activities and 1 hour earlier bedtime for 1 week. She really loves her karate class and her bedtime is normally 8. She had a playdate this sunday and a xmas party to go to so Im thinking maybe she shouldnt go. Like no nothing for 1 week starting today.

Do you think its too harsh. My other daughter NEVER gave me problems in school so I'm totally at a loss on how to deal with this......

 

[wonderwoman]

I also thought that maybe this could all be because I went back to work right after thanksgiving from my maternity leave. I had a baby in July and was home for 6 months.

WOW!

 

[Peaceful Rainbow]

Before just laying out any type of punishment, I would sit down with her and just ask her how things are going and ask how about her bus ride and who she sits with and what types of things go on. Get her view on things. Has the bus driver made any comments? Can you be certain these other girls are completely telling the truth? If you feel like that is really outside the realm of your daughter's typical behavior, look further for answers before just taking it at face value. It seems odd that her behavior would change that much in less than a month. If it really has changed, then try to discover why it's changed. Is it your going back to work or has something changed at school. Talk to her about your going back to work. At her age, 6 months is a long time, and her memories of what it was like before when you worked may well have been overridden by having you home for so long. Good luck.

 

[RapidBreath]

I don't think you need to pull her from those pre-scheduled activities. I think she needs some skills to deal with problems on the bus. I had a terrible time with that and I really wish that someone had taught me some conflict resolution techniques at that time. Also, you can have highly active play times at home that don't require you to take you little one out of the home. How about some of those great kid workout dvds? I have heard of them, I don't know if that would work. Can you put the baby in a stroller and take your active girl on runs in the neighborhood? Some babies like that. Also, she is in karate, take it to her instructor, they can be invaluable in that arena. My cousin went thru a terrible time when we were kids and it was his martial arts instructor that saved his life.

I hope this works out for you, hugs!!!!

Alisha

 

[PhyllisG]

I wouldn't punish her straight off but talk to her first and make an appt. to speak to her teacher. Your DD has had lots of changes in her life recently--kg, a new baby, mommy going back to work. Get the whole story about what is going on on the bus. If she is being provoked or bullied or is the instigator. Sit down with her, tell her about the note and ask what is going on. Sitting thru storytime can be hard for some active young children. I would also talk to her teacher about conflict resolution if that is what is happening on the bus. It sounds like she was doing fine up to the teacher conference and it was just about that time that you returned to work. See if there is any connection.

 

[wonderwoman]

Well I had some time to sleep on it and talk to my husband about it. I will be calling the teacher today to speak with her and try to get to the bottom of this because like I said before none of this was metioned 2 weeks ago at parent/teacher conference so something is happening. She could be bored at school. She has been in daycare since she was 1 so she knows alot of the things they are teaching in kindergarten and I did go back to work exactly 2 weeks ago too.
I will not punish her yet cause thats assuming she is guilty. The only thing thats puzzling to me is the bus incident because again 2 weeks ago the teacher told me my dd was the victim of having a problem on the bus with a girl and the girl was confronted and so were her parents so thats confusing to me how could the situation flip so quickly?


Anyway thanks for the advice!

 

[MidgetDogg]

I don't think I would punish her, but try to get to the root of the problem. There are always 2 sides to the story. What I've found is a great help with my daughter is her guidance counsellor. My daughter was telling me some crazy stuff about how her father was hitting her and calling her names (we're separated and in the process of divorce). He's not a violent person and I didn't believe her, but I didn't want her to think I wouldn't take her seriously. I went to her counsellor and asked him how I should handle it - and he had a talk with her and we got her involved in a group for kids of divorced parents at her school. HUGE turn-around!

Then there was this recent issue where she broke my computer. I did punish her there, and again asked her counsellor for advice. He's doing some one-on-one counseling with her.

Having him help me out gives me a child that is more open to talking to me about things. I am a bit lost sometimes on how to get her to talk about things, so I keep in contact with her teachers and counsellor.

On your situation, it actually seems kind of logical to me that if the other girl was instigating against yours 2 weeks ago, yours might have been sticking up for herself this time. There definitely is something going on with these 2 girls and this is where I'd ask for help from the counsellor so that whatever it is can be worked out. I don't think having either girl punished by her parents is the best solution. That's just blaming and gets people defensive.

 

[kathryn]

Just a thought:
I always thought that karate lessons also helped kids to be better citizens. Perhaps approach the karate teacher about the pushing (after you talk to your daughter about it) and have him/her say something as well? (If s/he's a good Sensei s/he should teach students to respect others and to not use their skills in agressive ways).