Janice:
I completely agree with the above poster and with Candi, and I have been thinking of how to word my response to you for several hours now.
Janice, you are a real sensitive soul, perhaps someone who has a tendency to think things through and analyze them and your feelings too much, as I know I do. A kindred spirit is what I see in you, which is why your post struck me, and of all the posts up here this week, this one commands a response.
Being able to talk the hind legs of a donkey is NOT a job requirement nor is it a personality requirement for successful nursing. Rather, intelligence, aan understanding of fellow humans and their suffering, caring, taking the initiative, rapid response, an eye for detail, thoroughness, being able to follow through, quick-wittedness, alertness and empathy are, it seems to me. And I think you probably have all of the latter. These are the qualities I would want in my nurse/care taker. I don't care whether she talks much to me or not. If her hands are gentle, or determined when they need to be, if she knows exactly what she's doing and why, if she responds to my needs, and refuses t oindulge me when that would be detrimental to my well-being, then she can be as silent as the grave. I like silence, I respect it in other people. I always chat to my nurses when in hospital and at doctor's consultation rooms because it eases my anxiety at being there and because I am fascinated by people and what makes them choose certain professions. They always answer my questions but that doesn't mean that they will suddenly volunteer loads of information about their personal lives or feel obligated to entertain me for the duration. That's not their job. And I don;t expect it of them.
While not in the field of nursing myself, rather in the field of teaching and education, I have found, as the above poster tesified, that the degree of introvertedness of one's personality is not the defining factor that dictates whether an individual will be successful in a more "social" kind of job or not.
My younger sister is an extrovert, completely a more outwardly going social person than myself. And yet, she was #### as a teacher whilst doing her training. She could not command a room, the students did not pay her any attention at all. She transmitted the wrong attiutde. On the other hand, myself, an introvert who suffers depression as you do, I am rather good at teaching in fact. I can command a room. My students listen up and they take me seriously. I never talk the back legs off a donkey. I don't have to. I am well prepared, well organized, my goals and objectives are sharply delineated, I know exactly what I want to achieve, but I retain the flexibility and humility, I like to think, to accept the unexpected in the classroom.
I think nursing must be something like this.
No-one ever said that in either teaching or nursing, the "caring social professions", that you have to give ALL of yourself. In fact, quite the opposite is true for to do so leads to inevitable burn out. You need to keep a silent core of your real self at a safe distance from your job sphere. Our personalities inevityble shine through in the way that we go about our work, but that doesn't mean that I shower my students with personal information, nor that I bombard them with my own opinions. The classroom is not about me, it's about them and what we can create together. Even though you may start off nervous when working in social spheres, confidence grows with experience and becomes way more important for sucessful teaching and nursing than your basic underlying personality. Confidence and knowledge way outweigh extrovertedness in importance.
Again, maybe nursing is not for you. But, as Candi suspects and I do also, it seems that something has suddenly scared you or made you do a double take. What is it? Are you sudddenly doubting your abilities to be a good nurse? Why?
I'd much rather have a quietly competent nurse than a bumbling babbler.
My final advice: to find your place in this world, you have to follow your passion. Where does yours lead you?
Thinking of you,
Clare
