Having your first baby......how did it change you??

naughtoj

naughtoj

Cathlete
For all you new moms......or those that can remember back to the first....how did having your first baby change you? What was harder than you thought and what was easier, if anything, LOL? Was your labor harder for the first? Did anyone regret having their first when they did and why? Did anyone regret not starting their family sooner after you had your first baby?

Sometimes I think I will forever be consumed with the "what ifs" that I will never end up having a baby. For some reason, the urge is hitting me hard now....at the most inconvenient time.....I have NO JOB and am in nursing school!! LOL!! I just love my husband so, so, much and I don't think anything would make me happier than giving him a child, especially a son. Having his child would likely be the accomplishment of my lifetime! I would love to add another one of him to this world...as long as he doesn't turn out like me!! LOL!!

Convince me or don't convince me......

;-)
 
Does your husband want a baby now? This is something you both should decide together and not have a baby just for the sake of having one.
Of course this is up to you, but I really recommend staying in school and getting your degree.
I had my first child at 29. Having him changed my life dramatically. Prior to having him, I had a very successful career that allowed me to travel all over the country quite often. I also had a great social life. For me having a baby did not fit "my" plan. Then unexpectedly became pregnant.
After having my son, I would have to say, I was the happiest I had ever, ever been. Caring for him was easier than expected, even breast-feeding. For me, staying at home was the only area I struggled with.
My baby was breech, so I had to have a cesarean. That was painful for me. Some people I know, bounce right back. I didn't. It was a good 3 weeks before I moving around comfortably.
I think your "what ifs" questions will go away if you and your husband really have a heart to heart about your future plans.
 
I hope I don't come across as preachy--not my intent.

Having grown up with an alcoholic/drug addict extremely abusive father and having a number of issues with depression and negative decisions in my own life, I had planned never to have children.

I met the man I would later marry in my early 20's and he was a Christian (I was not and was in fact very hostile to the idea), but after 3 years of struggle and questioning, I finally yielded my life to Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and for the first time things really started to change. With my new life in Christ, I now realized I was not enslaved to my past--that things could be different for my children, should I be blessed with any. My husband and I got married and started a family right away.

It was a bad time from the perspective of most people. We were not really financially "ready" to have a child (but as an aside, if we'd waited until we were "ready" we would probably be having our first child now--I'm 37). My mother had recently died of cancer and we just decided to start our new family. Times were really tough, financially, but the Lord always provided for us.

Now we are expecting our 6th child (I realize that choice is not for everyone;-)) and all I can say, is that having children has been one of the greatest blessings of my life, BUT, it involves a great deal of financial sacrifice and sacrifice of one's time. My husband and I spend a great deal of time training and nurturing our children and it is largely thankless work and sometimes we wonder, "Are we getting anywhere with this child?", but then we get to see the results of all our hard work in an accomplishment of one of our children or a milestone reached or an evidence of good character development and all the hard work is worth it. My greatest joy is that my 3 oldest children have come to know Jesus at an early age and it is my prayer that they walk with Him in such a way that they avoid many of the pitfalls my husband and I fell into.

I'm not sure where I am going with this and I don't mean to sound preachy--just sharing some of my scattered pregnant woman thoughts on having children. I don't know if I can convince you either way and I'm not sure I should try. It is important that you and your husband are on the same page about this, because if one of you wants a child and the other one doesn't or isn't ready that could cause conflict in your marriage which would not be a good thing. Also, issues of whether one of you will stay home or both will work outside the home should be addressed before having a baby, if possible. Although I will say, I had planned to work part time after my first for financial reasons, but as soon as I bonded with him, I could not return to work.

Anyway, I hope you and your husband are able to come to a mutually agreeable decision.

Take care and keep us posted.
Maggie:)
 
Okay Janice. This post from Maggie came out of the blue, but does it bring back memories of an email I sent you a while back. There are some awesome answers to life's questions out there.

I personally think you have to find the answer and the rest will fall into place. ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) ;-) .

Briee
 
By the way....I've been thinking about you quite a bit lately and wondering how you're doing??? I have been checking the forum on a VERY irregular basis as this is a super busy summer. Have you broken back into the exercise arena yet? I think you NEEDED a break and it's good for you and you will enter back in refreshed!! I think in the past year I've learned that dropping weights and completely changing things up has helped me continue. I went through some tough periods of not wanting to do anything, but half of that was a psychological thing going on. The old...I have to continue to lift heavier or I'm not progressing psychology had to be LET GO!! There are different ways to progress!! I'm even doing circuits just for fun (I used to HATE circuits). Go out and do what you have FUN doing!!!

Okay...that was totally off topic for this thread....so sorry!! But I DID want to know how you're doing!!!!

Briee
 
Having my first baby made me realize that my needs are not the most urgent or important. (I hate to admit it, but even marriage wasn't fully able to communicate this to me). It has also helped me to be okay with that due to the amazing bond I have with my babies (2 year old and 2 month old).

I do not regret my decision. Having a relationship with God made the decision for us so much easier. For the first 4 years of our marriage we didn't talk much about when to have children because we knew we weren't ready, but suddenly when it was time, we both felt it and I believe God put it in our hearts and we immediately embraced the idea.

Honestly, the only conflict I have is how many children I should have. My first baby was an adjustment, but the second one, has been so much easier since I sort of know what I am doing.

I believe that being spiritually ready is most important. After all, life is not about possessions or titles or rankings, it is about the relationships we have with and the influence we have on others. The intangible things are the only things we take with us when we die, so I wouldn't worry over the financial aspects. After all, society would have you believe that children are expensive, but really their needs don't cost so much. It's the things that the world wants you to provide for your children that can be a burden on a family.

I would also like to add, as a person who didn't have the best relationships with my parents growing up (esp. my father) - there is no better lesson for me in how to raise my children, than to have a solid example of what not to do. I am so much a better parent than my parents. I can see what I lacked and give so much of that to my children because I love them so much.

Talk to your husband, he sounds like a great guy!
 
"I believe that being spiritually ready is most important. After all, life is not about possessions or titles or rankings, it is about the relationships we have with and the influence we have on others. The intangible things are the only things we take with us when we die, so I wouldn't worry over the financial aspects. After all, society would have you believe that children are expensive, but really their needs don't cost so much. It's the things that the world wants you to provide for your children that can be a burden on a family."

That was beautiful Emy!!!!

Briee
 
I third Emy's post!!! I'll answer some of the other questions... ok, ramble a bit. :)

<those that can remember back to the first....how did having your first baby change you?>

It was the best decision that we ever made. I am a better person. That sounds simplistic and mushy heck maybe even cliche, but it is true. DH and I consider this our most important calling. I remember my BIL asking me if I was scared about having Sydney. I went into how I didn't want to disappoint God. He has entrusted me with these two children. Wow! As Emy metioned, decisions are no longer about me or DH & I the couple but our family. My BIL chuckled at my answer and said he hadn't thought about that aspect of it, he was asking about the labor and delivery. I think I scared him away from parenthood. :) Pregnancy, L&D, changing our lives... none of it scared me... but the responsibility to God I take very seriously.

I also have shared more of myself since having kids. My parents and grandparents were not openly affectionate. I am pretty reserved unless I feel very comfortable with a person/people, but I have overcome this with my kids. I absolutely will not deprive my children, so they get all of me... all of the time. It is a peek into the depths of my heart and soul, which was only shared with my family and close friends before my babies.

Also, children strengthened our marriage. Our children are an extension of our love and commitment in our marriage.

<What was harder than you thought and what was easier, if anything, LOL?>

Motherhood in general was easier than I thought. I don't know if I have easy children, am just a mother to the core, or am realistic. Actually, I am a pretty realistic person. It drives my DH nuts. :) There is no sugar coating. :) Don't get me wrong, motherhood is hard work but I have never thought "this is harder than expected".

<Was your labor harder for the first?>

Easier. My second L&D was harder, but I was blessed with easy labors with both babies. In the delivery room, I said I could do it again. Nothing to it for me.

<Did anyone regret having their first when they did and why? Did anyone regret not starting their family sooner after you had your first baby?>

I regret waiting. I was selfish and regret that, BUT that was part of my maturing process. I just wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to mature. :) DH and I would like at least 4 children, but age is relentless. DH is more concerned than I, though my (only) 34 11/12 body is starting to complain.

You can certainly "what if" until you go through menopause. :) SO be careful! ;) NO ONE should convince you in your decision. You and your DH should make this decision and commitment together.

Good luck!
 
Hi,
My huuby and I were on the slow plan, we started dating when I was 21, married when I was 27 and had my first child at 32. Now at 35 I am pregnant with #2. I love children but was fearful of giving up my life. Also, I am a therapist and was all too aware of how tough having a child was. Hubby and I decided we'd have 1 maybe 2 kids but felt raising an infant would stink. I wasn't thrilled when pregnant with #1 even though she was very planned. I had an easy pregnancy/labor but my daughter was a tough newborn. Despite her being a tough newborn, I was a happy new mom and adjusted well.Having a family hx of depression and being a therapist, I was ready for a postpartum depression but really enjoyed my newborn. It was actually easier than I thought it would be and although our lives changed, it didn't change that much since we had already gone through our partying stage and were older. You need to process what is right for you,for me I am glad I waited.
 
Sorry it took me so long to get back, all. Thank you for the replies. Briee...things are going pretty good overall. My life is full of exciting changes these days! No superwoman workouts for me...heck, I am back to good ol' Jane Fonda right now. Gotta get rid of this spare tire around my belly now!:)


I was encouraged but not suprised by the replies you all gave. Lately I have just had this irresistable urge to get pg and have a baby. I look at the babies in the stores and gush, which I NEVER used to do. It is like all of a sudden, BOOM, I want one. I feel like maybe a child would complete me. I dunno, but something is kicking in big time.

Well, we will see. Right now while unemployed it probably isn't the best idea. Gotta get a job first, LOL.

Thanks again everyone!

:D
 
Hi there! I had to chime in...my son (our first) turns one tomorrow. (It goes sooooooooooo fast!!)

We waited almost 10 years to have a child (our 10 year anniversary was a superspeedy dinner out while the grandparents watched our 2 month old). Before, I just never felt ready to give up the freedom that I thought I had. I worked way too many hours for a company that I didn't like, but we were able to take nice vacations and spend money without blinking an eye. About 2 yrs ago something finally clicked, and I resigned from my job. One of the BEST decisions I have ever made. I relaxed, enjoyed the holidays, and soon after became pregnant.

I work a stressless, part-time job at a golf course a few evenings to get some socialization :) and spend the rest of my time playing with my son. (Forgot to mention that I'm 33 and DH is 36).

Having a child has definitely changed me. I'm much more in tune with others around me and with things that are going on. Not sure if that makes sense, but when I was working I was so focused on it that I missed out on what DH, family, friends were doing and saying. I think I was just going through motions. I was tired, stressed, unhappy, and unable to think about much else. Now I'm still tired and occasionally stressed ;-) , but I'm so completely, utterly, never-knew-this-was-possible-y HAPPY. My son is by far the BEST thing that I have ever done.

With this being said, though, if I were asked about a baby 5 years ago I would have said 'no way'. Even though my DH was ready, I wasn't. In a way, I'm a little disappointed that I hadn't started a family sooner (I had no idea how awesome being a mom is), but realistically it was very wise for us to wait. I've had a career. I've been spontaneous. I've travelled. I slept in. :7

Speakin' of sleep...I should head to bed. Morning comes pretty early for my boy. Good luck with your decision. It's a big one.

~Tana
 
Tana,

Thank you for the comments. I hope to feel just the way you feel after I have my first someday. I really feel I should be in a better place financially though before we start to try. We will see...:)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Our Newsletter

Get awesome content delivered straight to your inbox.

Top