Gotta vent one more time

L Sass

L Sass

Cathlete
OMG! Here is the scenario. DH has two brothers, both of whom are wonderful people. BIL #1 is 40 y.o. married with 4 kids of his own and raising his neice and nephew as well. BIL #2 is 36 y.o., divorced (she wanted kids he did not) and runs an engineering firm - he is an awesome business manager and very wealthy.

We have the inlaws over for dinner yesterday and had a very pleasant visit. MIL proceeds to tell us that she's upset with BIL #2 - here's why. He called her 3 weeks ago and said "Mom I need some wedding gifts". She says ok and asks for when. He proceeds to tell her they are for 5 weddings that have occurred OVER THE LAST FIFTEEN MONTHS!!!! He attended every one and was even a member of one of the wedding parties!

MIL tells BIL that she has some important events coming up and she cannot get to it right away. So he called her last week and asked her if she's gotten around to those gifts yet. She's upset because he waited over a year and now wants her to have them done immediately.

I was amazed that this woman agrees to take care of her 36-y.o. son's gift requirements. Actually I think my jaw is still on the floor from two things - 1. that BIL goes to weddings and other social events without bringing a gift, and 2. that my MIL does this! AAARRRGGGHHH! Thanks for letting me vent!

Lorrie
 
Couldn't agree with your jaw being on the floor more, Lorrie. Mine would be too.

ETA: I hope he does things for her in return. Maybe there are things that he is good at, that she is not, and they have kind of a barter system? That would make me feel a bit better about this.

-Nancy
 
OK, you teach people how to treat you, and your MIL has agreed to help him. Looks like she's got no one to blame but herself for not saying "NO" to his request. I, then, would not listen to her moaning and groaning over his upsetting her! You'd really love to say, "MIL, you told him you would do this for him. You've got no one to blame but yourself, and I don't want to hear it."

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
Yes, the enabling mother is one amazing aspect, but even more than that I guess I'm astounded by my BIL's behavior. This is a very bright, personable, well-grounded person. How does any 36 year old man come to believe that it is appropriate to attend functions like that without SOME KIND of even token gift? That was not his up-bringing - my in-laws are very much in the "proper social circles" and I know their children know how to interact better. I know I'm coming across as condescending or arrogant and I really don't mean to - but I just can't believe that anyone thinks it's ok to do that. Do you all know anyone who has done that?

Lorrie
 
Was he asking her to select the gifts, with him paying for them (not as bad as her selecting AND paying for them, but still rather an imposition)?
 
They DO have services out there with people you can hire to do gift shopping for you. Maybe someone could find such a service and give him the phone number to call and take over the project from MIL since she is not performing according to his expectations!

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." Mark Twain ;-)
 
Lorrie-
Many people think they have a year to send a gift. I am copying this from a wedding etiquette site of dos and don'ts:

"* DON'T take a year to send a gift. Contrary to popular belief, guests do not have a year to send a gift. Gifts should really be sent before the wedding. The benefit of sending a gift ahead of time is that the couple will not have to worry about keeping it safe at the reception or transporting it after."

Personally, I am always surprised at how many people bring gifts to the wedding. The last thing a bride and groom need to do is keep track of packages at the recption hall. I even like to send a check in advance, as it's one less thing the groom has to stuff into his suit pocket.

It sounds to me like your BIL just doesn't know this stuff. Maybe your MIL should tell him?
-Nancy
 
Oh for heaven's sake, somebody should introduce this guy to internet shopping. In fact, most bridal registries are online anymore. I'll just bet he can still access their registries.

Michele
 
Absolutely true, Michele. Online registries make wedding gift shopping a complete no-brainer these days. It's just fabulous.
-Nancy
 
No - actually I think he's planning on sending them checks. He just wants mom to buy, write, and address the cards, and then he will give her the electronically printed checks (he never actually WRITES checks)and have her send them. He'll probably pay for the cards after the fact. You're right Michele, everything is on-line these days, and SO simple. I think that's why I find it so incredible.

Lorrie
 
OMG, that is too funny. He really cannot pick out his own cards? Does she buy his groceries, too???

:7 :7 :7

Marie
 
Well, I think for Xmas this year, Lorrie, you should get the guy a box of all-occasion cards, or better yet, a box with a bunch of cards for different occasions. :)

Marie
 
Hey Amy - what you said reminds me of a great anniversary card I'd gotten for someone once. The cover was something to the effect of "It's your wedding anniversary. Celebrate like you did the day you were married". Then the inside quipped: "the sex part will be easy: finding 200 people to give you gifts could be the hard part!" LOL.

Lorrie
 
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