Going through a tough time, need some fitness advice

[pressju]

Hi Cathe and everyone. I am a devoted fan. Need some assistance. On Labor Day my dear mother passed away at age 70. It was quite unexpected - she had a rare cancer which we thought was in remission. Seems she did not want to worry us (5 kids and 7 grandkids) with the truth of her condition. Clearly it is a stressful time. Since that day, I am down about 8-10 lbs on my 5 foot 2 frame (so pretty significant), plus my cardio and muscular endurance are way down. I have tried to rest more, lift less, do less overall. Some days I have it, some days I don't. Also my left hamstring is very tight so causes some problems during cardio. Logically I know I need to give myself a break. Trying to eat more, pray more, snuggle more with family (5 and 3 yr old girls, adorable DH, two black labs),etc.

I guess I need some assistance on what I should be doing in terms of exercise and eating. Exercise has always helped me. But now it feeld more like a hindrance than a help. How do I gain weight back in a healthful way, what to do workout wise (I have been doing more yoga, seem to need it). Maybe also looking to get feedback from others who have gone through this. It is close to a month now and I do have work, family responsibilities.

My mother was a vegetarian, nonsmoker, non drinker. Also worked to better the environment and her community, was an awesome musician. Unfair that she got sick, but what a legacy she left. I miss her. Thanks for the advice all. Be well.

 

[Connie1]

RE: Going through a tough time, need some fitness advic...

I don't think you need fitness advice any more than you need flossing advice... (I'm a dental hygienist) but you do need comfort. I am so sorry for your loss. Focus on what is most important and allow God to take care of you. We must all remember that we cannot "lifestyle" our way to immortality, and that we are totally dependent.

Our self-control, willpower, resources, even our free will are all given to us. Our very lives have been granted to us.

Death is so wrong. I share your sense of unfairness and confusion.

OK here's the fitness advice: just do your best and the rest will gradually take shape. Focus on the most important things. Pray.

If you decide to pray, I recommend praying to God to supply you with the proper thing(s) to pray for. That always works for me.

With sympathy,
Connie

 

[pressju]

RE: Going through a tough time, need some fitness advic...

OK let me first confess to you that I do not floss regularly. There I feel better.

Second your words were so very comforting to me. Thank you. Prayer has helped. Especially listening to my 5 year old DD - last night she asked to "please tell me what the right things are to do to be a good girl". I guess I am just surprised at my lack of actual strength and wanted to see if this was normal.

Of course normal has a whole new meaning these days.

Again thanks so much.

 

[clareMc]

Hi:

my deepest sympathies for your loss. A mother is perhaps the tightest relationship we have, and your mother seems to have been a wonderful woman with a lot of heart. You can still treasure the triumph of a woman that she was.

What I would say to you right now is give up on the idea of forcing yourself to launch into a fitness routine because it's been "oh-my-goodness-a-month-already". Pooh to that! Mourning and recovery, adjusting your life to this loss has no set time line. You will take the time that you take and you deserve it. Don't rush yourself.

Right now what you need is self-care. That's the first step. Try to baby yourself because even though you have suffered a loss, you are still worth so much. Wrap yourself in blankets with self care. Do things outdoors because being in nature restores the spirit, body and brain much faster than anything else. Research has proven it. Swim: moving gently through the water, looking at the soft blueness of it from underneath it is an incredibly peaceful activity. I always love it. Take walks: either with friends, loved ones, or on your own. As you walk, really look about you, take in the world, especially right now with the changing season. Your mother's spirit is now a part of all that, spread out to encompass it all in an expansive embrace. She is part of the environment she worked hard to protect. Enjoy it for her.

When you need to be alone, do it. Don't apologize to anyone for it. Take long hot baths, snuggle up and watch movies. Bake and give it all away if you don't want to eat it. But the baking may still make you feel productive and peaceful. Do whatever feels to you like comfort and healthy practices.

I don't think you can force yourself to eat either. Just make sure that what you do eat is healthy stuff. Meanwhile, down some vitamins as insurance until your appetite comes back. Soup, homemade preferably, is always a comfort food that you can rely on in such times.

Gradually, as you heal, you will feel more like taking on the world and taking greater care of yourself. Then it will be time to ease slowly back in with Cathe's easiest cardio routines and some weight training. You will know when the time is right.

Meanwhile, there is no need to feel guilty for not sprinting for 10 miles daily and benching 100 pounds on the w/e. Forget guilt, it's such a waste of energy and time as emotions go. If it makes you feel any better, there are loads of us here who regularly take breaks from fitness for one reason or another. I am just coming out of another break, lasted a month. I'm starting back up again because I feel terrible. I knew when the time was right: so will you.

In the meantime, please take care and baby yourself a little,

Clare

 

[buffettgirl]

RE: Going through a tough time, need some fitness advic...

No fitness advice, just a big hug, lots of sympathy and my prayers. You were very lucky to have a close, loving relationship with your mother. And it sounds like she was a role model for your own relationship with your daughter. It will get easier with time. Best wishes.

 

[red_mct]

RE: Going through a tough time, need some fitness advic...

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I want to say, you are getting some really beautiful advice here. If exercise is a hindrance for you right now, chuck it and do what feels good. Take a bath, read a book, sit on the porch all snuggled up with your childrens' bodies and watch the stars.

I also want to say, be grateful for the beautiful person your mom was. Not everyone is so blessed. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Hang in there. It will get better.

Marie

 

[robyn6002]

RE: Going through a tough time, need some fitness advic...

Hugs prayers and good thoughts. Your Mom sounds like such a wonderful person.

Take the time to heal that you need. Right now working out isn't a priority but you know in time you will come back.

Agree with Marie take time for yourself for taking care of yourself.

A dear cousin of mine always said it's like the oxygen mask on the plane put yours on before you can care for others, in otherwords take care of yourself first!

Hughs and prayers

- Robyn