General: Attitudes towards your workout goals

E

Epona

Cathlete
This post is partly inspired by the Sisters thread and partly from common knowledge that not everyone is lucky enough to have entirely supportive people in their lives. Even co-workers can put a damper on our quests.

So, for those who are working or have worked to lose a lot of weight, or for those who are working and have worked to become more fit....do you have generally have supportive people around you, or do you have people who give you little jabs and digs, telling you you'll never achieve this or that or you'll just gain the wieght back or even the little "come on, you can have that! it's not going to kill you!"

For me, I was lucky enough to not have unsupportive people around. They either didn't say anything or they congratulated me on my weight loss. I did have 1 or 2 co-workers who were a bit jealous, but they didn't dig at me.....they just kept silent. Losing a lot of weight can really show you people's true colors! Even those you hardly know! Stealing the time away from my family was an issue, however. And I did get a lot of comments aobut my "healthy" eating, but they weren't really negative, just...bewildered and amused. My devotion to diet and exercise were generally respected. Overall, I was lucky!

I think the worst is when people are told "you'll never keep it off". :( That is just mean. :(

Here's the place to vent if you've had unpleasant experiences....or share your pleasant ones!
 
I am very blessed. I'm within my weight range but I could stand to lose 10 pounds easily and I want to lose 10 pounds. One day I was working out my hubby came in and told me how strong I looked and that he could see my back muscles. Or he will make a comment about how fit I am. He appreciates me hips and all and that makes me feel good about where I'm at now. He tries to eat healthy with me but we also have fun and don't obsess over every morsel that enters our mouths...hence my struggle to lose 10 pounds...tee hee. He is trying to get through Boot Camp now completing a couple of cycles 2 or 3 times a week. He is very supportive and often just shakes his head at me if I decide to do a missed workout at an odd time, but he knows that I enjoy working out and that it has so many other benefits for me besides the "cosmetic" benefits. My husband has always been supportive of my efforts. Other family members...well...my grandma(whom I love dearly) was the one who grabbed my hips one day at 12 or 13 years old and told me I was putting on weight. Um...Yes...I'm was at that age where a lot of girls develop hips. My mom told me once when I was in a changing room trying on clothes that I had good birthing hips. Yea...what every teenage girl wants to hear. So to this day I am very self concious of my hips...but my hubby seems to love 'em so that helps.

My co-workers on the other hand are into skinny...just how small can one get. They are always talking about who has lost weight or gained it back...bleh. I know I've been subject to that talk as I lost 23 pounds and kept off 13 pounds. Instead of focusing on a diet I'm trying to focus on making healthier eating choices along with my Cathe workouts.

Wow...this was a long post. I guess I'm trying to say...I know where you are coming from. There will be people in your corner and people who say things without thinking and people who will try to sabatoge your efforts. Just keep on keeping on and do your thing!
Angela:7
Edited for a typo.
 
Oh, the hip thing! In college my husband-to-be told me I was a bit "hippy". Hmm, yep, I got good birthing hips, too (well, I did have easy labors so I guess I can't complain!) and I carried weight on them too! I gained a lot of weight, then lost it until I was skinnier than in college....any you know what? The husband told me he missed my "hips" and "haunches"???? :p . But, even though he's my ex now, he's continually complementing me no how strong I look, as he did when I was with him. I suppose the best is when males tell you you look atheletic and strong!
 
Hi.

When I first started out to lose 15 pounds, I was lucky enough NOT to have negative influences around me. Everyone that knew I had started exercising and watching what I ate, etc was supportive of me. On occasion I would even get a compliment on my progress *blush* :+ from my b/f (now DH), my mom or my best friend. Made me feel really good and gave me the strength to keep going even when I just wanted to be lazy and eat a whole bag of Doritos! lol

Now that I am married, my DH is still very supportive (3 years after I began exercising) of my lifestyle. He doesn't complain that I take time away from "US" to exercise and he doesn't complain about the changes I've made in my cooking like not using real butter or vegetable oil anymore and trying to make MOST meals pretty healthy. He's an italian who grew up on awesome pasta cheese and sauce meals, sausage and meatballs and there was no such thing as LOW FAT at his dinner table, lol, so I think he kinda deserves a medal for putting up with me!;)


Have a great work out!

~Wendy~

I smoked my last cigarette on March 17, 2004 at 10:00 pm!

http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?WENDYMIN

http://lilypie.com/days/050519/1/0/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]
 
I can really relate to this topic. My mother, bless her heart, has always been critical of my weight. I know that she meant well, but the nagging only destroyed my self-image and led to more eating for comfort. This set the stage for years of self-destructive behavior. Don't get me wrong, I take responsibility for my behavior, but the self-image problem plagued me for a long time.

I was lucky enough to marry a wonderful man, who has always loved me, through thick or thin(ner) :D ! I yoyo dieted for many years, losing and regaining the weight. I went on Jenny Craig about 10 years ago, and lost 100 pounds, but as soon as I stopped eating their food, I regained all of it. About two years ago, I started exercising and went low-carb. I have lost about 80 pounds, but have maintained the loss, and am slowly losing more. My diet is still not where I want it to be, but I am making small changes that I can maintain. I still have about another 30 pounds to go, but with Cathe, I know I can do it :) ! I also have a few people at work who are supportive of my exercise and diet goals.

Society doesn't always help in this matter. I think that I was born with large hips (yes--saddlebags)! A few years ago, I heard a plastic surgeon refer to it as "saddlebag deformity" :eek:. Great! Now I am deformed! Thanks for that confidence booster, Doc! Thank goodness my hubby loves me, wobbly bits and all!

Thanks for letting me ramble on... I hope I did not get too much off topic!
 
I'm lucky that my husband, close family, and friends are generally supportive of my efforts. I still get the food pushers now and again at family functions but over time they know I mean it when I say 'no thanks'. In the 2+ years since cleaning up my diet/lifestyle I think 'no thanks' is the most powerful tool I have. My BIL makes sarcastic comments occasionally but if he annoys me on the wrong day I will talk to him about it (LOL, assertiveness is another tool!). My husband surprised me completely by adopting healthy eating along with me and has lost 20 pounds in the process. I just can't seem to get him interested in exercising.

Work, however, is a mixed bag. I hate it when management 'rewards' us with nasty high calorie lunches or dinners. Just give me money, okay? There's lots of comments in the office about my eating habits. Or the comments like 'you're not still losing weight' etc. Also, I think people feel the need to explain to me what they are eating and why (guilt, maybe?). Hey, I'm not the food police and what garbage they decide to throw in their mouth is not my concern. It's enough for me to keep track of what I'm eating, let alone someone else! To keep comments at a minimum though, I just keep quiet about my weight/eating/exercise habits and don't talk about it unless asked. In a perverse way, the negative comments I do get make me more driven to prove them wrong.

The bottom line is that I am slim, fit, my doctor is thrilled, and I am happy about myself. No one can do or say anything that can hurt me enough to change my eating/workout habits. I figure any negative or insensitive comments are not aimed toward me as much as a reflection of that person's guilt over their own lifestyle choices.
 
>>
>The bottom line is that I am slim, fit, my doctor is thrilled,
>and I am happy about myself. No one can do or say anything
>that can hurt me enough to change my eating/workout habits. I
>figure any negative or insensitive comments are not aimed
>toward me as much as a reflection of that person's guilt over
>their own lifestyle choices.


Here! Here! This says it all.

Jeanette
 
My SO is supportive in someways and not in others. He will actually tell me: "I want you to know that you look great and all the effort you've put into this is really showing." Then he'll order my favorite pizza and try to tempt me with it. He is sincere in the compliments but I wish he wouldn't do the food thing. Once, in a very open moment, he told me that he sees food as a reward and something that makes him feel good, so he buys me food treats to make me feel good. While that's very thoughtful, it doesn't help things very much. I end up having to turn down these 'gifts' on an almost daily basis, then we wind up having a bunch of junk food in the house.

My XH was very critical of my body. I gained about 35 in the eight years I was with him, and in that time he gained about 60 pounds. When I lost my weight, instead of complimenting me, he would point out how boring my cooking was becoming. Actually, I am a terrific cook and I can make colorful, healthy, vegetarian meals that would make even vegetable haters drool. At least he's out of the picture.

As far as others go:
My Mom: She's always had a weight problem and has tried to make me fell bad about my weight. Now when she sees me, she makes point of squeezing my bicep until it hurts.

Friends: They think I'm too thin. According to all the body fat charts, etc. I'm at a very healthy weight.

Co-Workers: When I had a job :D my co-workers would make negative comments but I ignored them. My roasted veggie pita looked better than their Big Mac!

Sorry this was so long!
 
I think people only tell you that you're "too" thin because you're thinner than they are! I've gotten a few comments like that from my boyfriend's family, but I tell them that I just want to have defined muscles (which entails eating better and working out), and then they shut up. I think most people just think that if you try to eat better and work out, that you're just trying to get thinner (which, in most people's cases, that's true). My boyfriend has been very supportive, however, and I think I even inspire him to work out more and eat better. And, well, the temptations (especially on weekends) aren't necessarily his fault...:p
 
My father, who swore to his dying day that he was not sexist, really was. One day, not long after my wedding, I mentioned that I had just come back from the gym, and he said "Why are you still going to the gym? You're married now." He died 5 months ago, and although there are things about him that I miss, there are some things that I don't miss at all! But aside from my DH occasionally buying me a box of jelly bellys, which he knows I can't resist, I'm generally surrounded by people who are more health-crazy than I am.
 
In my early years, I was surrounded by critical people, especially those who said they "loved" me (read: Mom and Dad and Sibs and Granma/Granpa), who truly thought my body was theirs to endlessly critique. That was a pretty fundamental part of my existence, and something deep inside me must have said that if it killed me, I WOULD grow up to the point where I'd say, "Scr*w you" to anyone who presumed to criticize a part of me (my body) that was none of their business.

Now, things are different. DH is enormously proud of me, for all the physical capacities I've built through patient, intelligent and consistent work. The Fam-Damily leaves me alone, when they're not sheepishly asking me questions about exercise (none of them, including my sibs, are in anywhere near the shape I'm in). My co-workers leave me alone too because I alternately puzzle and intimidate them; I have GREAT muscle mass and definition, I'm a good size zero in a skirt and jeans, I never complain about my weight or body size, and I'm very casual about food.

I look to the Forums, my aqua class participants, and my Killer Bees (formed through the Forums) for true fitness companionship as well as true friendship. Only they are truly on the same page as me.

Took a long time to get there, but man was it worth the journey.

A-Jock
 
For the most part, I had pretty supportive people around me when I was losing the majority of my weight (80 pounds). People always told me how "good" I was and didn't tempt me too much. They respected when I didn't eat this or that and didn't go out b/c it was too tempting (initially and then I worked up to it), etc. Once I lost the bulk of the weight, people started with the "you can have that just this once" or "you deserve it" or the :you work out too much" or those kind of comments. People mean them in a generally "nice" way, I think, but sometimes thay aren't taken that way or even said that way.

Right now, my goal is to gain strength, endurance and have a generally great attitude about fitness. I work out regularly, watch what I eat, etc. and I am trying to achieve a comfort leevl with myself, physically. I feel great. I look good in clothign. But I would like to feel confident in my bikini (ist his REALLY something that I can do? :) ) People tell me all the time "you can eat that b/c you work out" or "you workout EVERY day" (while they are rolling their eyes and acting as if exercise is a sin against god) (PS - I DON"T work out every day either!). Or "you look good, what do you do all that for?" And of course, I get the good ol' "you are obsessed." I have to say that a lot of peole "poo-poo" the fact that I exercise at home, which is pretty funny b/c that usually follows the "you lok great! what do you do for exercise?....oh, really!?!?!" (insert smug "that'll ever work" nose int eh air look here). :) On the other hand, co-workers and friends do ask advice or for help and they are generally interested in what I have to say about exercise. I don't speak about it unless asked a question and I find that the people that ask me questions really want the info.

Plain and simple, most of the people around me DO NOT exercise and are not very supportive. It's a shame b/c it is not like I am smokin' butts and drinkin' a bottle of whisky every day. I am exercising and taking care of myself, for god's sake! that is why I like this forum so much - you guys understand!
 
I didn't have a whole lot of weight to lose.When I started seeing DH I put on about 10 lbs.I also started collage at the same time so I don't know if it was the freshmen 15 that I gained, or I was just in a comfy relationship where we liked to eat.Lets just say in the past 7 yrs,I have learned NOT to eat,everytime DH does.Every roommate he every had gained weight like you wouldn't beleive.But DH can eat and eat and not gain a pound.Thats when I started working out again.
His sister was the only one who really gave me negative feedback.I don't know why.I wouldn't of thought she was jealous.She had a beautiful figure and was very slim.If I mentioned working out she would roll her eyes.She never really said much but I could tell that she didn't want to talk about it or hear about it for that matter.It was funny though b/c if she gained weight she wanted my help with walking/running.
SHe is not like that now though.I think it is b/c she married a guy who likes to workout.I also think he has trouble keeping weight off so maybe she understands it more.Not only that,since then she as had 2 kids and as a little weight on.I think she would like to start working out herself.
Lori:)
 
what I have a problem with is people telling me I'm too skinny. Well I'm not they are just used to the old me. And used to society that is perpetually overweight!! I really am in this alone when it comes to my family and home friend supporting me. But you guys are what help me keep going. If I didn't have a daily affirmation from here I would probably give up and give in and just fit in with society. But I find the encouragement and support here that I need to keep me going. People at work poke fun because I won't eat fried greasy foods that are often brought in,..... they have no IDEA how hard I (we) work and will not let my diet sabbotage me!!! DH just smiles and says I'm crazed.

catherine:)
 
I'm surrounded by supportive friends and family - they don't say anything when I've put on a few pounds but compliment me profusely when I look good. DH is supportive EXCEPT when he wants to do something and my workouts/eating plan interfere.

Eating out is the biggest thing - we both enjoy eating out but his favorite local place has a menu that's hard for me to navigate (it's mostly white-flour pasta and high-salt entrees). And he loves the local diner for Sunday breakfasts and fancy restaurants to celebrate. I feel like I make a lot more accommodations for his not-healthy eating habits than he does for my healthier ones - he'd never set foot in a vegetarian place or one geared towards health food.

The only non-supportive person in the family is my mother-in-law, who's a food and alcohol pusher ("Is that ALL you're eating? Don't you want a drink, just one little one? Surely a SMALL piece of pie won't hurt?" etc. etc.). I've learned to smile and say "no thank you, no thank you, no thank you" until she drops it.

Allison
 
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