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sidagain103

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k, heres the deal......
i've just started using cathe's tapes and got myself into a routine....and am soooo damn proud of myself...if i do say so......:7
i w/o out in my parlor(when no one is around) i sorta feel like a closet exerciser...ha ha...well anyways....i live w/this really great guy.....except fur 1 thing (here comes the frustrating part)......... his "DAUGHTER"....... }( ...the puppie (which is my term of enderament fur her :D) alls i can say is life stops when the puppie is around.....fur instance this morning knowing full well she is here i got my a** up early (on a saturday mind you ;() to get my w/o in....well i didnt finish due to the fact that it was her time to rise.....i only did 1/2 of my w/o and have to wait til she TELLS her father that she wants to go somewhere and do something (which really isnt the problem...GO GET OUT....except i dont feel a 10,11,12? yr old should be giving orders to an adult let alone her father) so now i sit here in front of the puter just waiting fur her to say the word.....man am i frustrated ....well sorry to go on but just had to vent (due to the fact that there are many many other issues when it comes to her...but i can sorta block them out...but not this) and this is a great form to do it in (seeing i dont know any of you all and you all dont know the puppie...he he).....thanks fur listening and if anyone has any good advice (other than leaving my relationship) im all eyes....

sid :)

p.s. forget to mention the reason i didnt finish my w/o... she is constantly staring at me and i dont want her doing that when i am trying w/o....the parlor is in the main part of the house and it has to be traveled through to get to all other rooms (hey maybe i could have my house renovated...nahhhhh not fur 2 weekends a month).. ;-)

am i being selfish or mean?
 
okay, Ok can't resist....let him take his "puppie" for a walk while you finish your workout. Who cares who see you...the workout must continue!
 
You may not want to hear this but your boyfriend had his daughter long before he met you and she remains the number one relationship in his life. He will want to put her first some of the time. I am sure he is conscious that you and she do not get along famously, but you are an adult and can reason these things for yourself. A 12 year old girl needs help if she is to share her daddy with another. She needs his time. I think actually that her current behaviour is perfectly normal and to be expected when a new woman comes onto her father's scene. She will be jealous and "stare" at you the way she does. Partly it will be her hostility showing itself and partly it's because she is curious about you but does not want to show that openly in direct conversation with you. Observing you without the need for conversation is her way of being interested.

It must also be hard for your boyfriend right now: he wants to satisfy both females in his life, but it's a hard thing for him to achieve. Unless this behaviour of his daughter's has been going on for years and years, in which case she may need a therapist's help to deal with her conflicted feelings, I think you are going to have to be the mature one here and not give in to your inner child who wants things her own way.

Can you not arrange with him and his daughter that you need a set time each day to workout, get them to agree with this, but let them have a say in when this time could be. The decision making process, the use of the house and the use of the father's time needs to be shared between you all.

I know you are frustrated. I understand, because as a mother, I often have to shelve my workout time due to the demands of the family. I have had to learn that the space I work out in is not mine alone, sometimes they need access to it, even if it is "my time to workout." So, I have to be flexible and in order to get my workout in, I might have to change the time of it (I often weight train til after midnight) or change the activity (head outside and power walk.)

So flexibilty is key, especially when dealing with children. Perhaps you have never had children yourself?

Clare
 
I'm with Renee...you may just have to get used to the "puppie" watching you. Besides you're setting a wonderful example for her and at her age, that's really important. Sounds like she needs something...
 
I understand. And please vent here all you want. It has to be one of the most frustrating things you can go through. I know. I have a stepdaughter who is now 16, but when my DH and I first got together she was 9. It's an interesting age, especially when there is another woman in the house. She was very possessive of her father. And they are dealing with all of those wonderful hormones that make them so much fun at that age. Trying to figure out where she stands with him and if he'll still love her. And no, incase you're wondering if I'm some sort of saint and simply bowed down before my stepdaughter - I didn't. This is more hind sight. There are things I wish I would have done differently. And the number one thing is to openly encourage the relationship between her and her father. And to really show that I am interested in seeing them spend quality time together.

A couple of things I would suggest - finish your workouts. If she stares at you - let her stare. It accomplishes two things - first, let's her know that YOU aren't going to change your routine simply because she wants you to. Second - she is watching you and your actions. By continuing and showing her that you do not mind her watching you because you view exercise as important, you are setting a very good example for her.

As for daddy allowing her to give orders... I don't know what to tell you. Seven years later, I'm still dealing with that for the most part, and DSD lives with us - her mom is a wack job, to put it mildly. We have come to a kind of peaceful agreement, and we can certainly live together now, but there are times when I would simply love to strangle my DH. You might want to suggest about a month of counseling - for both you and a SO - just to be able to speak about this in front of an impartial person. It helps.

And no, you're being human. If she starts getting too bossy, there's nothing to prevent you from encouraging that THEY go out together, so that YOU get some peace and quiet. Maybe even sit down with your SO and dicuss activities they can do that last long enough for you to get in your workout...

Good luck, and if you really need to vent, pm me. I really do understand what you're going through.
 
Have you asked the "puppy" if she'd like to join you?

The "puppy" needs solo time with her father. That would give you private workout time on the weekends she visits.

Debra
 
Like these other folks say it's tough for a daughter "sharing" her Dad I'm sure. Can you try to find something just for the 2 of you to do together - maybe go out shopping. Also agree she needs some alone time with her Dad so maybe you can work out when they go out.

I know it's really hard for kids when the parent get involved (I'm a single mom and have been for 15 years) my kids are 19 and soon to be 17.

Good luck with every thing - since she is his daughter sure hope you can work if out so the relationship can thrive.
 
Dear Sid, what if your dear SD sees you & get's inspired? You would not want to kill that would you? I think if you strive to be the best influence you can be, no matter what crap comes along, things will work out fine.

Marla
 
to all who responed ....i thank you and am sorry about going on like i did....was feeling irritable yesterday and woke this am w/the period :-( .... also i have a 20 yr. old son (who never acted as she does even when he was an toddler)....as fur giving them alone time.....they get plenty.....due to the fact we (friend and i) hardly speak when she is around....which comes from when she was younger and would interrupt our conversations any way she possibly could....thought that that would change as she grew but it has gotten worse (due to the fact that she was not reprimanded from the beginning).....i am off to exercise w/cathe......
BIG SORRY :7 ....thanks again




sid

:)
 
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