Friends? (long)

[lorihart]

Does anyone else have these peoblems?

I moved to this town 8 yrs ago and everyone that I hangout with grew up here so they know everything about each other.And I think some of their highschool mishaps are overflowing into their adulthood.
We will call them Sara and Bev.
I use to hangout with Bev a fair bit but we have drifted apart.I meet Sara before Bev but I grew quit fond of Bev.Sara is more out with it and very rarely thinks before she speaks.Its almost embrassing sometimes.But you take the good with the bad.The two have never liked each other.There were times they were civil for a couple of monthes and then they would stab each other in the back after a gathering.Our husbands are all friends so alot of times we would do things together.
Over the last few monthes I haven't spent any time with Bev and more with Sara.During this time Sara has talked about Bev non stop.She hates her sooooooooo much and I really don't know why.Maybe just petty stuff.The way I see it, you can put up with anyone for a couple of hours a month.At the sametime I was never defending Bev and probably agreed with some of what Sara was saying.
We were all at a party a few weeks ago and Sara treated Bev awful.Now Bev is quit capable of defending herself but she wasn't drinking and she thought Bev was drunk so she kept quiet.The next day Sara admitted to me that she wasn't nice.She did it on purpose.The next day Bev tells her DH how ackward she felt.She also told him that she wanted to start spending time with me again...so she calls last week.
We chatted for a while and that night we did the couples thing and I was so afraid that I was gonna see Sara out.I felt like I was cheating on her.How weird is that?
I want to start spending time with Bev but I feel like I am going to have to explain myself to Sara.They also live on the same street so I can't go to one persons house without the other seeing.
Bev is more civil and would never get nosey or childish if I spent time with Sara, while Sara will have her nose up for days.
She also gets paranoid b/c she knows Bev dislikes her so she thinks he is talking about her....then she thinks I am talking about her as well.
I just wish I was brave enough to say, no one did anything to hurt me so I don't dislike anyone, leave me alone! Ill spend time with whoever I want.
Anyway,does anyone else have problems with mutual friends not liking each other?
Lori

 

[dss62467]

We had a situation a few years back that divided our very close pack of friends. There was this couple, Pat and Jeff, who were a couple in high school. They got married after college and moved away. There's another girl, Jane, who is extremely fun and attractive, and a very good person. She was good friends with Pat and Jeff, but more so Jeff. Jane moved to Philadelphia. Pat and Jeff moved to NYC. Eventually, and I'm not exactly sure HOW it happened, Jeff and Jane started having an affair. Pat and Jeff divorced. Obviously Pat and Jane were no longer friends.

One good friend of all, Darlene, took Jane and Jeff's side. She didn't understand it as the big deal it really was (she's never had romantic relationship). Those of us who were married, and especially those of us who had a father who cheated on a mother, took Pat's side. But...we took a "neutral" stance - meaning that we thought what Jeff and Jane did was wrong and we had lost a little respect for them, but we stayed friendly with all involved. Darlene, the one who thought Pat was over-reacting, is no longer friends with Pat. Pat dislikes her almost as much as she does Jeff and Jane. Which is a shame - because EVERYONE loves Darlene!

Jeff and Jane are married now. Pat is remarried and has a child - and is much happier. So it all worked out. But we never see her anymore. I did see her a few months ago and it was great, but she's part of a different group now.

We were able to remain friends with all involved by letting Pat know we empathized with her and that it was not cool the way things happened. But we remained friendly with Jeff and Jane while we sorted out our own feelings of disappointment with them.

I guess the best thing for you to do is to remain neutral if you like both of these women. If Sara gives you an attitude for being friendly with Bev, explain to her that her problems with Bev are not YOUR problems and it's unfair of her to expect you to take sides. If they need to rant about the other, let them - but don't get involved. Try to change the subject. Eventually they'll get the hint.

 

[lorihart]

Thats what I was leaning towards.Mining my own business.I use to be faced with these problems in highschool as well.I got along with everyone even the ones others didn't like.
I thin there is a little jealously going on with these to.Sara being the jealous one.The funny thing is that when they were in highschool Sara use to go out with Bev's DH and even had a itimate relationship.So I am thinking if anyone should be the real nasty one, it should be Bev.
Anyway, I went down their street today to go see Bev for a sec and I made DH bring me just is case Sara was looking out her window or something.I am going to talk to her about it though.I just wish everyone would grow up a little
Lori