For people with more then 1 child....

[gidget1978]

How do you know when you are ready for another? I have an 11 yr old daughter and when DH and I started trying to get pregnant, she was 6 and it took me 4 yrs to conceive. Not to mention that DD is not biologically DH's so we definitly wanted to have another.
Now DS is turning 1 on Fri and I am considering having a 3rd. Have I completely lost my mind? There are some days that I want one more so I think...lets do it and get it over with. But there are other days, like yesterday, where he screamed while eating his supper, hit the spoon and yogurt went everywhere.Then I don't want anymore. Do you outweigh the good with the bad. Of course, the good always out weighs the little things he might do but when you tried for another were you 100% sure thats what you wanted...or were you thinking.."i dunno about this"
Im not concerned about the expense with a 3rd b/c we will always manage.
Then another part of me is being selfish b/c I am smaller then I have been in yrs, in pretty good shape and Im not sure I am ready to go back to being soft and round again...but will I ever be, if thats the case? But I know when I am 70 Ill be wondering WTH were you thinking? hehe At the same time I know that if I found out tomorrow I were pregnant I would be happy and so would DH.
Hope Im making sense. Its just that right now, I kind of want that part of my life to be over with so Im thinking about trying or preventing and right now we aren't using anything.
And if I have another one to soon will I be robbing DS of attention he should have gotten? But then I see kids close in age who are best buds. I would like for him to have someone b/c DD is getting older and couldn't be bothered.
Any words of wisdom? I know most of these thoughts are normal and I know I want a 3rd...just not sure when!

 

[beccajanern]

I have a 10 year old ds and then a 4 yo ds, a 3 yo ds and a 3 yo dd. The 3 and 4 yo boys are exactly 12 months apart and, yes, we planned it that way.;-) My yougest is 3 months younger than her next oldest brother as she was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. So I had three children in about 16 months. It can be physically trying and tiring, esp. when they were smaller. But, they all play very well together and they are great buddies. Of course, I do spend a good chunk of the day breaking up fights and dealing with the "s/he's not sharing!" comments but they do really well.

I would highly recommend that you plan alone time with each child if you decide to have another one. I try to rotate who I take out to the store, bamk, post office, etc. They all love that extra one-on-one time. I'm sure in your home now it is easier for one-on-one time because your children are in such different stages in their lives, but when you have them close together, it tends to be easier to deal with them as a group. They really need some individual attention.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[gidget1978]

Thanks Becca for you response! It makes alot of sense. Sounds like you have a busy and exciting home!
Lori

 

[obrn]

I have 3 and they're each 2 1/2 yrs. apart. Looking back I would have had them CLOSER together, like maybe 18mos-2yrs. Then again, my husband was in grad school and people thought we were nutty to even have ONE.

My husband is the oldest of 4. Born in 1960. A sib in '61,'62 and '64. Yup, 4 kids in 4 yrs. My mother in law used to laugh that she never kept a baby book on any of them: she was too busy feeding, diapering, etc. She would have liked them a little spaced out, but loved that they all went thru school together.

Now, they all live far apart and don't stay in close touch on a regular basis, but when they're together, watch out. They're like a tribe of 40somethings! Very close and bonded. And laugh about the mayhem growing up, no one feeling particularly slighted.

You'll know what's right for you. If you're thinking about another one and your baby is so young, I'm thinking it might be a good move. Good luck w/ whatever you decide.
Valerie

 

[Stephanie0523]

That's so sweet, Valerie. My husband and I are preparing to start trying for number 3, and it is a big decision. I don't think anyone is totally, completely prepared for children -- be it your first or your fifth. It's a leap of faith. I really think your heart lets you know when it's the right time to have another and when you're family is complete. Good luck, Gidget! Maybe with a little luck and God's blessings, I'll see you in the pregnancy forum later this year!!

 

[delfin]

If you feel like you'd be so happy if you found out you were pregnant tomorrow... then it sounds to me like you've made up your mind! Why put it off if it's what you want in your heart? I have two DDs, 4 years apart (had a miscarriage inbetween). After the miscarriage, it took me about a year to get pg, whereas with number 1, and the miscarriage, I got pg within 2 months. So I guess my advice to you would be to go for it, because you never know if you'll have trouble conceiving later.

 

[SolidNProud]

I have a 6 year old and an almost 4 (they are 2/5 yrs apart). They are the best of friends, although they do have their days when they fight as well. I wanted somewhat close together b/c I didn't want the whole diaper thing forever *smiles* Plus they play together all the time. Sometimes with friends, but never far apart from one another....its kindof funny to watch.

I knew a guy that had 2 teenagers, got remarried and had another child and then decided to have one more so the younger one would have someone to play with.

I totally agree with the selfish part of not wanting to make the body yucked up with pregnancy but I also enjoyed being pregnant (minus the last 2 months), but its just a body and as long as you are eating right and exercising then you'll be just fine.

You sound like a wonderful mom, and just remember that God will never give you nothing he doesn't think you can't handle. So if you're meant to have another, you will.
Don't know if my rambling helps, but there is my 2 cents.

 

[MSJ]

First off, I don't really have any words of wisdom. Just words.

We have 6 children, ages 13-2 and I am expecting our 7th, who if God wills it will be born in August. The way we see it is that children are a blessing and even though life can be chaotic at times, we never have regretted having them and never will. We live on one income and don't have a lot of things that others have--our kids share rooms, wear used clothing, and don't have all the latest gadgets, but they are very close and we take great delight in our family. Our children (the ones who can understand anyway) are very excited about the prospect of a new baby. We haven't had a jealousy problem yet.

Having and raising children involves joy and sacrifice when one is devoted to the undertaking. I've sacrificed money, "me" time, and my body, which will never be the same. To put it in biblical terms, since I am a christian, I am constantly learning to "die to myself" and in this way, Christ draws me closer to Him. Among other things I am learning to be less selfish and more trusting in God's plan and providence. I'll never regret that.

Anyway, I don't think you'll regret it if you have that 3rd child, but I've already revealed my bias.

Take care
Maggie

 

[endorphin_junkie]

It's such an individual thing. I have three daughters, my first 2 are 20 months apart and my 3rd came 3 years later. If the universe had unfolded differently I would have had, at the very least, 1 more but, alas, it was not to be. I talk to so many people about this subject, kids, or no kids, how far apart.... My input is always the same, 'there's no right time and no right number'. I truly believe that babies born to loving parents are blessed and a blessing. I can look anyone in the eye and tell them that I love the 3 baby pooch that lives below my belly button. Flat tummies don't love us back

Take Care
Laurie

 

[amron]

I have two children 15 months apart (planned that way). I would have liked twins, but it was not to be. My DD is now 5 and my DS is now 4. Yes they have their fights, but they are very close and loving (could always change as they get older), but for now they play together really well. Children always bring joy even though there are many days when you wonder what you were thinking when they do naughty things.

Kim

 

[sancho]

I have 7 year old twins and my husband and I completely agree that we do not want to have another child. I tell you this, not to discourage you, but to encourage you. It is so obvious to both of us that we are done, fulfilled, family complete. If you aren't having that feeling, then you should go for it.

And as for your body, if you are a consistent exerciser, it will bounce back quickly. To me, that's not a good reason. Money, stress, feeling overwhelmed, feeling like there isn't enough time, feeling like you don't have any more of yourself to give . .. those are good reasons. You sound like a woman who still has something to give.

 

[pwmatt]

Gidget, I have 3 kids. 18,16,and 14. When they were babies I was petrified and not sure if I could handle the logistics of 3. Well, I managed and worked full time also. Anyway, when I see the 3 of them together now, it makes my heart so full! When DS returns from college on his breaks and the 3 of them play around, I can see that they will be great friends and will be close. I LOVE that! So, my answer is to have another one, especially since it seems like you have already made that decision. I understand your desire to stay fit and I know that you'll be able to get back on track. We will all help!

Phyllis
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