Exercise and self esteem

W

waterlily

Cathlete
Hey guys,

Tell me what you think. I may be battling a self esteem problem and I think I need serious help. At any given point in my life, whenever somthing doesn't go right or there is a 'valley' in my life, I always resort to exercise to make me feel better about myself. Take for instance, I am doing my dissertaion research paper for a Msc. degree, but I can't seem to do it correctly. Almmost every time I attempt it, I end up feeling like a failure. Today, my research supervisor told me that my work is so poor he wouldn't even give me a certificate for trying. He also said that I am creating a gigantic amount of stress in his life. Needless to say that this just sent me home bawling life a baby. And it is not just the research paper, it's everthing and anything - someone shouting at me, being reprimanded or scolded... The only way I can think of to solve this problem is by exercising. I feel that by exercising, I can get back at the world. Hey, I may be dumb, but at least I'm thin or people think I'm stupid but they just don't like me because I am shapely. This just seem logicless, but it somehow works - at least temporarily. Am I going insane?
 
Wow. Your research supervisor is an Idiot with a capital 'I'. I'm sorry you had to be talked to like that. What does he think his job is but to HELP his students...not belittle them.

A) You should report that conversation to the department head.
B) I would ask to be transferred to a different supervisor if that is at all possible.
C) Surely there has to be someone in the department who can sit down with you and go over your dissertation and offer constructive advice on what you need to do to improve it.

Now, onto the self-esteem issue. Yes, you are probably 100% right that you do turn to exercise for comfort. But listen, we all turn to something for comfort and I'd say exercise is a great release for stress providing you don't take it to the extreme and over-exercise/become overly obsessed with your body to the point it compromises your health.

If it's any consolation for you...when I was in college I struggled with organic chemistry to the point that when I had an exam I was physically ill. I would drive to campus to take the exam and I would be throwing up on the way to the classroom. By the time I got to my seat my clothes would be soaked with sweat. Even thinking about it right now makes me anxious all over again. I thought I would never make the grades I needed and I would be taking organic chem for the next 5 years of my life. Thank God that didn't happen or it would have killed me.

You are struggling right now with your paper. ASK for help from someone else within the department. Don't beat yourself up over it. All you can do is try your best.

Goodluck!

:D
 
40something is right - take the issue with your research supervisor to a higher authority. That kind of talk is completely uncalled for and inappropriate.

As for exercise - I always use it as a stress reliever. It sounds like that's what you're doing too. It's a great way to ease both physical and mental tension. It probably wouldn't hurt, though, to approach your self esteem issues from another angle, since they seem to affect other areas of your life. Talk with friends and family to get their views, and then maybe consider counseling. But there are lots of inspiring and helpful books on the market, too. Sometimes when I'm feelling down, I'll try something like that, just to refocus myself. Most of my self esteem issues are job-oriented. Two books that have helped me in this area are:

What Color is Your Parachute - can't remember the author
Do What you Love, the Money Will Follow - Marsha Sinetar

And I seriously doubt that you are "dumb" since you are pursuing an advanced degree!
 
Waterlily-
Your story reminded me of something that happened to me in law school. I can't remember the exact details, but there were a lot of openings on the law review early on and I tried out for it. However, deep down I was afraid that if I was on the law review I wouldn't have time for my class work, which intimidated me. I did an APPALLING job on the law review try-out which was not worthy of my usual level of ability. Almost everyone I knew who tried out got on law review except me. But, as it turned out, it was a blessing. There were so many applications to law school in the year I went, that the student body was fiercely competitive. I worked my tail off just to graduate with a decent GPA. If I had had law review responsibilities on top of that, the pressure might have been too much for me. In other words, short story long, maybe you should look closely at the reasons why you are causing yourself to fail. Failure is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we do it for a good reason!

And as for exercising, keep up the good work! :D
HTH,
Nancy
 
I agree that exercise is a very popular form or stress relief as well as a HEALTHY one! Like the other poster said...so long as you are not exercising at an obsessive level then you are fine. Everyone needs to work off stress and you could not have found a healthier way to do it!:D

As for this research director guy...REPORT HIM! This guy has problems and has no right working in teaching of ANY kind!!!!
 
((((((((((((((((((HUGS!!!))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for what is going on! I think that you have gotten great advice. Keep your chin up! :)

Missy
 
Waterlily,

I turn to exercise for stress relief, and I am also working on my dissertation research right now. I will give you some advice, although it might be a bit biased. My current mentor is wonderful. He is fully supportive of everything I do. He gives me boosts when I need them and lets me know if he thinks I'm slacking. That being said - I think you need to have a talk with your advisor. He needs to know that you are being too hard on yourself and that your self esteem issues are coming between you and your work. There is most likely a place on campus that can help you with your self esteem problems, although I'm wondering if you are depressed (most campuses have therapists you can work with). He needs to know what is going on with you. You cannot think that he is yelling at you out of spite or just to demean you (although this may also be the case).

Also, I do not think it is healthy to only feel good when you exercise. I think it is healthy to love exercise for what it is. It is an endorphin boost, and most people get a boost for what it makes them look like physically. I don't know about you, but I don't want people to judge me based on my looks. I have forever hated it when men talk to my chest (big ones), or when they assume that I am stupid because I have blond hair. I want to be held in high esteem b/c I am smart and interesting - not because of my looks. You need to work on liking yourself and realizing that you are good at what you do and who you are instead of relying on your looks. They will be gone in a few years, and you need to make sure that you like who you are first. Also, have confidence in yourself that you can do what you want. Have confidence that if someone yells at you that you can yell right back. You have that right as a person. You do not need to take anyone else's s*** just because you are scared to have a confrontation.

I am sorry to sound like a doomsayer, but you REALLY need to talk to a therapist. You will not be able to finish your degree or live your life to the fullest until you are ready to appreciate your inner self and who you are. You can do this. Talk to your advisor and ask him for some advice. PLEASE do not think you are dumb! You cannot get into graduate school by being dumb - remember that you are there and it took a lot to get into school!

Good luck, and please let me know if I can help.

J
 
Thanks guys. I have already asked for a change of supervisors and it is currently being "reviewed". I am also going to drag myself and go to therapy for my low self esteem issues.
 
I don't think you are insane at all. After a bad day, there is nothing better then a good workout. When I have a had a rotten day, a good workout helps me think about what happened and by the time I am finished my run (which goes by super fast b/c I was thinking) I feel alot better.
I agree that your supervisior was awful to you.And maybe if he had approached you a different way, you wouldn't have felt so bad about yourself.
Lori:)
 
I don't think you are insane. After all, when all else is beyond our control, we still have the ability to control our bodies and what we do with them. I know for me right now exercise and taking care of my body are the things I can control... ,my boss, my professor, my husband, my children, no one can control my physical being except me, so working out and being fit are something I have the control of. And that is a powerful thing, that sometimes helps me maintain the edge of sanity.

Working out and eating good are weapons to help us fight depression, and other maladys that are so rampant today.

Don't bury your feelings and emotions, but work them out with your workouts and the result will be a much stronger and stabler you.

Lynn
 
I think you are making positive moves in your life right now. What's important is that you recognize a potential problem and you're taking action to improve your life. Good for you!
 
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